Wow, this is getting epic.  :)

It's been a while since my last "Lifelong search" post, but life and living has taking precedence over blogging.  But I feel like writing this to wrap it up, as much as I can to this date.

I finally realized, sometime at the end of 2006, through reading about Christianity online, that hell was punishment, and was separation from God for eternity.  Well, the eternal hellfire idea didn't ever scare me, because I didn't BELIEVE it.  But what I was always afraid of was the nothingness - not existing.  

A side note, I can't understand how so-called atheists can live a life with any purpose or meaning or have children when the believe that all they have is 72-80 years on a so-so planet, get sick or drop dead and that's it.  Ugh.  

Anyways, I lived a life without God -well, with a God of my making, who didn't inspire faith.  All those questions I've posted nagged me and shook me out of any inkling of faith I had and back into a sinful life and doubt.

Now, I did what everyone who lives without Christ did - I assumed being "good enough" would tip the scales in my cosmic favor, should there be something after life. 

God places people and experiences in your life all along, and if you shut up long enough to hear it, you'll hear.  If you're able to do that, and listen, you'll do OK. 

I've been blessed with a great memory, so I can look back at my life and see where God set up messages or signs to me, and thankfully I finally got the message.

My fear of death early on was telling me that I needed to find Christ.  Even at 5 years old, God was telling me that I needed to seek Him.  I didn't understand and I went down paths that were wordly, and not of scripture or of God.  I suffered mental anguish for years over this (see my last Journey post), but it never clicked until I read something that sounded so simple.

If you die in sin, you go to hell.  Hell for me would be non-existence.  Now, if hell is what you deserve dying unsaved, that was where I was going.  

Well, what about suffering in the world?  The sum of humanity's sins,  since the fall, have created suffering in this world.  Babies with cancer, innocent people being shot - not God's creation, but God's love for us to give us free will even KNOWING that we would go for the things of this world "allow" suffering to exist.  Clearing it all away would make us robots, FORCED to serve.  That is why we must be reborn and CHOOSE God and get the choice through Christ's perfect sacrifice.  That is why until the Second Coming we'll have to die - but one time instead of ETERNAL DEATH.

God made me set course for him 25 years ago, because the life I was born into would not have gotten me there on my own.  My family would not have taught me about Christ and salvation, the schools I went to would not.  That drive to understand that led me through my schooling, led me to my wife and my father-in-law (a born-again Christian), and to friends and now to my Church...God allowed them all to be a part of my journey to today.   I am SAVED!!!!  It hasn't been even a year yet since I said my sinner's prayer, and my journey won't be complete 'til I am with God, but I am Blessed that I quieted my heart and listened and let God use others and my gifts for me to find Him through Christ.

Thanks to everyone who's read these posts.  Bless you all.