The last two months a deeper understanding of this scripture has come alive in me. Like many other Christians who have given their lives to their families and the work of the ministry, I experienced overwhelming burnout. I felt like a ship adrift at sea.  Since 2006, my world has been a chaotic whirlwind of changes. In January 06, my sister who was expecting her 5th child excruciatingly made the decision to file for divorce from her husband of 12 years. Honestly she did all she could to save her marriage, but could not continue to live in a broken covenant marriage. Her divorce was a very painful process that would not be resolved until August of this year.

On May 25, 2006, my 45 year old husband experienced a near fatal heart attack. Just about the time he returned to work, some three months later, our 16 year old daughter fell during a cheerleading jump and tore her ACL in half also damaging her menicus. The injury required surgery and a 3 month stay in a wheelchair. In the midst of all of these serious life events, I felt the weight of so many of these problems fall upon my shoulders. Though I took them to the cross most days, still my heart was burdened. As my daughter continued to recover my mother’s health began to decline sending her to the hospital on several occasions. All of this was coupled with increasing financial pressures from a new business my husband and I started in late 2005.

As I struggled to tie up all the loose ends and keep it all together, my body became physically fatigued from the load. I felt as if I was the only healthy person in my family and ill equipped to pull the load I was carrying. I couldn't seem to 'fix' anything. Our 11 year old son even had some struggles show up in school and his teachers began to hint at a learning disability or ADD, but even in the midst of my struggles, I cried at the thunder “No, he is healed, he is whole,” refusing to accept a label for my son that had not been sent by God.

The words of Romans chapter 8 came into focus in such a powerful way; I can still feel the electrical surge in my heart, “God will work this for my good, I do not have to fear as I once did as a slave to sin, I do have the same power that raised Jesus from the dead, but God, I think I can do without all these present sufferings…I’m okay with the slight glowing of glory in me now, just do something, where’s your helicopter Lord, it looks like my ship is going down.”

Nothing – not a single word from heaven did I hear. Maybe it was the crashing of the waves or the clashing of the bolts of lightening. Was God whispering? Why on earth would God whisper in the midst of my chaos? Speak up God, your servant is listening.

Usually by now I would have some kind of assurance, a feeling of safety, something…God, you listening?

Hello…remember me – the woman who has lifted her voice to the heavens and saw the abundance of rain fall on this parched earth? Well, the rain was good, but this is a little overkill. The rain has caused a flood, and just to be honest, I’m a little uneasy when the water is over my head.”

As if on cue, the fight song began to circulate in my head, but this time I read the WHOLE scripture…”What shall we then say to these things….whoa…when did that phrase get written? What shall WE SAY to these things? No I distinctly remember you being on board a boat with your disciples during a storm, and God it was JESUS who said, “Peace be still.” So God if you’ll just speak up here, my storm can be over.

…..hmmmm…uummmph…

Right now would be a good time for me Lord… Just make it so. …..

I’m waiting for the BAM! Huh? I didn’t catch that…

What? Lord, I already read that…”If God be for me, who can be against me.” Yeah that’s great Lord. Thanks for the pep talk. Now if you don’t mind, I’ve got a mortgage to pay here… let this printing presses begin....

What......???? Alright already, I’ll read it again. Romans 8:31 “What shall we then say to these things, If God be for us, who can be against us.” Yes I see that you want me to say something here, but you do remember all of my weaknesses right? I’m not sure my words will make much difference. I’m not feeling like an overcomer right this minute. I royally bombed yesterday, so I’m certain nothing I can say will ever work. You know I did repent, and God I’m so sorry, but it will be months before you can get past my sin. If you will just spot me a miracle, I will be sooooo grateful.

No!!???? God, why not? I’m just asking for one miracle. You have the power to amaze me. Remember it was you who spared my husband's life...remember that miracle? Then there was CRCT, remember that? The teachers were amazed when my son passed that test proving he did not have ADD. That was one of my favorite miracles. So now that I've refreshed your memory, let me step back and give you some room to work.

(waiting for a miracle, foot tapping, teeth chattering)

Okay, so I just want to remind you God I am still getting clobbered here. It’s me and this big bully storm. I’m completely desperate.

(water filling my boat with air bubbles tickling my knees)

Okay God, you know what; maybe I will try the whole 'speaking the word thing." Might as well, I'm going down and have nothing to lose right? Here goes.

As I stand with slouching shoulders my tongue seems to weigh 3 tons, but with the all the courage I could muster, I began to declare the truth of the Word. As the last word is uttered, I thought for just a moment I felt a shift in the winds. Is it possible the same winds that can be used for destruction could possibly take a turn and carry me out of the storm? A glimmer of hope takes root. Okay the first time I said, “Who can be against me,” I was still doubting in my heart somewhat. I know I can do better than this. This time I will rise up and give it all I've got.

As I stood with my face to wind, I began launching syllables into the wind ordering the wind to carry my words to the ear of the accuser. Their arrival brought results my eyes could finally see. At the sound of God’s Word, the winds began to calm, and waves began to cradle my ship.

Today I am still in the middle of unchartered waters, but I now have an assurance God is with me and has provided me a compass in his word. He also continues to teach me how to navigate my life through some of the uncertain places I must travel. My faith growing stronger and I now understand why God didn’t just “fix it.” He is teaching me how I can stand strong and endure the terroristic threats the enemy screams at me during the storms of life simply by applying God’s precious Word in the midst of that storm. My prayers and petitions are still being spoken, but now I know whatever the seas of life may bring, I can praise Him in the storm, during the rain and certainly in the times of smooth sailing.

- For All My Fellow Travellers on the High Seas -
Casting Crowns - Praise You In The Storm

 


When the Enemy Strikes is a book that ministered to me during my hardest days. I did not read the book in its entirity but what I read was encouraging. 
 


Casting Crowns - Lifesong CD is a great add to your library as well.  I have met these guys in person spending about an hour with them in a face to face interview.  They are truly the real deal.