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| Forgive and Forget – Yeah Right!?!? |
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Forgive and Forget. It just seems to roll off the tongue, oh, so easy, but why does is seem that concept is SOOO hard to do in reality? Jesus teaches me that I will be forgiven in the same manner in which I forgive others. Pretty deep, Huh? If I was to try to pick out which bible character that I would most likely compare myself too it would have to be Mary Magdalene. For those of my friends who are just toddlers in this Christian walk, especially those I just invited to join me as friends on my first blog (and I hope to see your shiny faces soon), Mary Magdalene was a woman who felt she sinned so much in her life. When she had the opportunity to be with Jesus she wanted to honor him in the highest manner possible in gratitude for the forgiveness of her sins. She went to her own house before dinner and grabbed her alabaster box which contained the most expensive perfume she could find. Then when she returned to the house where Jesus was dining with the disciples she wept at his feet, wiped her tears with her hair, and proceeded to anoint His feet with the perfume. She cried SO hard and wanted to worship him in the highest manner possible because she felt she had sinned SO much and had SO much to be forgiven for in her life. But none of her sins mattered because Jesus forgave her unconditionally because she believed in her heart that He is Lord, she repented of her sins, and chose to follow Him.
Ok, so if I compare myself to Mary Magdalene then I had better have a gallon of Channel No. 5 packed with me when I go to heaven! HA! So lets move on to my dilemma, yeah I have sinned a lot. And even as a Christian, even after I have repented, I have fallen to sin again. Yeah, I have relapsed, I have disrespected my husband, I have been a nasty mom to my kids, my parents, I have gossiped, and on and on and on. But I have still tried to do my best and use biblical principles the next time I come to that situation. I have asked for forgiveness, from God, and from those I have sinned against. I know in my heart that Jesus forgives me completely and unconditionally each time I come to Him and generally ask Him to change my ways. The bible teaches me that forgiveness should be something that you give to somebody unconditionally. You don’t hold grudges, you are not bitter in your heart about how you were wronged, you aren’t skeptical about that person and their sincerity, you don’t say to yourself, “yeah right, till the next time”, you don’t say “yeah right, you just want something”, you don’t bring it back up as something to hurt that person with, you don’t say “sure I will forgive you when I see you behave in a certain manner for a certain amount of time”, you don’t react angrily and “say forget it I don’t want anything to do with you”, you don’t accept an honest apology then talk about them behind their back…. Etc. You DO forgive as Jesus would forgive. He forgave those who persecuted him, He asked his father to forgive those who we trying to kill him. Remember, “Father, please forgive them as they know not what they do” WOW! NOW that’s forgiveness! That’s how I need to forgive others. So why is it such and easy concept to do but oh so hard to do? My husband, I love him oh so much, is my earthly example of how true forgiveness should be given to others. He never does any of the above don’ts I listed above, He forgives as Jesus forgives. He then proceeds to forgives and forget. He is so humble in that he says he forgets a lot of the small issues with me, our kids or others because he just forgets everything. Some of you who know us know that I jokingly describe my husband as “the nutty professor”. He is such a genius in all computer/network technical, mechanical, financial, biblical and so many other issues. But just like Einstein who couldn’t or forgot to tie his shoes, my husband wouldn’t have cut his hair if it wasn’t that he was in the army for 20 years. He says he forgets when he forgives because he forgets everything. NOT me. I remember everything. When someone wrongs me, it brings up so much in the past. It brings up all their sins, or other’s sins, towards me, or sins I have done towards others. I may say “I forgive you”, I may believe in my heart that I did forgive, then I may start in with all the don’ts even if it is in my mind. Then I have to look at myself and whether I truly forgave that person or myself. Then I start to fear, because the bible teaches me I will be forgiven in the same manner that I forgive others. Ok so through my husband’s example I am getting better. I didn’t really have a hard time forgiving people that I am not too close to, it’s more the people I love that I had such problems with forgiving like Jesus would. I have such problems with forgiveness even if it is only in my own mind, my own thoughts, or when I talk about them and my situation to my friends. Some of you know my husband and I have five teenagers. I believe raising teenagers has helped me to understand why God made some animals that eat their young. But this morning I heard a saying that God gives you children as a “last chance to grow up”. Well maybe raising teenagers is my “last chance” to grow up in God’s Kingdom. Yeah they are teenagers, and they have made many, many, MANY painful mistakes. Mistakes that were painful for them and us, but those mistakes were such blessings in that it brought them and us much closer to God. I have over the past year gotten much better in my forgiveness towards their mistakes in that I don’t always bring it back up or talk it to death. But now it is more in my mind after I forgive, or some of the cold or unloving words I say because of my bitterness over the situation (because I have done the same sin and I don’t want them to feel my pain). Or, God forbid, if they do the same sin again to me or themselves. Some of the issues we have had to deal with in raising our teens (or as some people would label them “troubled teen’s”, or Christians would label them as “God’s beautiful children”) have been extremely difficult for anyone to deal with. I wish their mistakes were just a simple talking back, but then again we still get that lovely teenage quality in our house. So I guess my FIRST question to my friends who blog or respond back to me in an email is “How do I control my mind when it comes to Jesus-like forgiveness?” I know your first response would probably be, put on the amour of God. Put good versus in your memory as so you won’t harbor that bitterness. That is easier said than put into practice, for me. My SECOND question is a little more difficult. It has to do with forgiveness towards others who harm those I love, particularly my children. Shouldn’t I give them the same Jesus-like forgiveness, or is that only reserved for my children, or those I love? A friend of mines says, “Ok so you forgive the molester that molested your child, but you wouldn’t ask him to baby-sit the next weekend would you?” Or you forgive the person that molested & killed your child, but you wouldn’t beg the court to let him go because he has repented asked for forgiveness and chosen to follow Jesus. Furthermore, you wouldn’t ask him to baby-sit your younger child because you forgive them. Do you only forgive your children, or those closest to you like Jesus would, or do you also have to forgive your neighbor or your neighbors children in the same manner? Here is the situation; my daughters were wronged by their boyfriends. Terribly. My husband says, they have “lost all honor within his eyes”. Now don’t get me wrong, my girls are not completely without fault in any of the reasons why my husband and I are not allowing them to date any more, regardless, we refuse their dating, and we tell the boys they are no longer welcomed at our house. Although in the same breath, we told the boys they were forgiven by us when they asked for forgiveness. All four of the children (our girls, and the boys) are Christians. They have gone to church together, and they have read the bible together, etc. And I don’t doubt their sincerity. Well all four of the children are almost adults, and they will be able to do what they want soon without our approvals. Both couples want to date and want to spend time together. I guess my dilemma is, if I forgave these boys, then wouldn’t I show them the same forgiveness I would like to receive? IF I forgave them and am truly Praying for them wouldn’t I have faith in God that he would take care of my girls as they were spending time with these boys? I am instructed that I am supposed to show all that I am a Christian through my actions. If I get the forgiveness and love of the story of the Prodigal Son, wouldn’t I want to demonstrate that love in all that I do as a Christian woman? If I truly believe, then would I become the loving, forgiving parent of the Prodigal son, only TO MY children? Or would those actions be taken towards all of Gods children? Just some of the struggles I am going through? Sorry this is such a long blog, especially for my first blog. But I have a lot of huge issues with this and am soliciting all Christian guidance. |
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Becky, you have really laid out a lot here.
Forgiveness is tough. We don't fully understand it. If we did, we wouldn't have all these questions. You are trying to balance forgiveness with common sense. That is good. Sure, you forgive these boys, but you don't trust them. They need to rebuild the trust that they ruined. Not having trust is the consequence of their actions - not yours. Same is true in a court. You can forgive a person who wronged you, but they still have to suffer the consequences of their actions. Mercy mixed with justice is God's way. I do not envy the judges who have to find the right balance in every case.
You and your husband approach this from a different perspective. Both bring value to the situation. You and he need to see the strengths of each perspective and build on them.
How do you control your mind? Always think through love. That takes training. Never let hate drie your actions. Talk about tough to do. Like your friend said, doesn't mean you open your bank account to the thief. If the thief has really repented, he will no longer want to see your bank account and will stay away himself.
This is a lot to digest. Hope some of this make sense. Like you say...this is part of the hard walk we walk. |
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Becky,
As one of your "troubled teens" I still have that logical part of me, without the emotions like Ben. Becky you need to learn to forgive your self for the sins that YOU have commited before you can try to forgive OTHERS. You need to love yourself more, and think higher of yourself. You are too preoccupied now with trying to forgive others, but you still haven't forgiven yourself. In Georgia, I was so mad at you and Dad for not letting me move back quite yet, but it was good in the long run, because I had to forgive myself for all those sins I had so recently committed, I needed a lot of time by my self, a lot to think about.
All I'm saying is the only reason I can forgive my Mom, Mark, and Trey is because I have forgiven my self in the first place, and I love myself enough.
Just something to think about.
Love you! |
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| Becky, So many people struggle with the forgiveness thing, and I believe that the struggle comes from our lack of understanding. You wrote, "Forgive and Forget. It just seems to roll off the tongue, oh, so easy, but why does is seem that concept is SOOO hard to do in reality?" Sometimes it helps to paint a picture so we can see things a bit clearer. Let's make un-forgiveness, termites. Can you see this visual? Un-forgiveness are termites of the soul, who's soul? Your soul. Now let's deal with the forgive and forget thing. This concept "forget" in my opinion, is a major part of the forgiveness problem. I don't know where the concept came from, but I haven't found in the bible anything that says, I have to forget what was done to me, forget how I was hurt, or wronged, or lied on, or cheated. You get my point? Now you may ask, "wait Pastor Aminata, if I forgive and don't forget, won't seeing that person bring back all the past pain and throw me right back into unforgiveness?" My answer to you would be, "yep, sho nuf would, if you don't understand the purpose of forgiveness." Becky, I'm a teacher, this is my gift from The Holy Spirit, and I'm charged not to always give answers but to help you find the answers. This is what I am requesting, can I help you find the answers, by asking you some questions, not personal questions, bible questions? You see, I believe in the Christ in you, the answers are within you. I believe your blog is about the issue of forgive and forget, and the issues with your teenagers or parenting teenagers. I responded by talking about termites. If you are willing, let's see how God pulls all of this together. - There are many examples of forgiveness in the bible, we will choose this one in Luke 23:34
Holy Bible: Easy-to-Read Version Jesus said, "Father, forgive these people {that are killing me}. They don't know what they are doing. " The soldiers gambled with dice to decide who would get Jesus' clothes. QUESTION: Since Jesus is the Son of God, and have the power to forgive, why did He ask His Father to forgive them?
Pastor Aminata |
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Beckey,
i want you to know i like the way you put this thing of forgivness out there.
but i have to say that i agree with the (voice) on this one and i also agree with Jennefer you have to forgive yourself, but i want to say that any mesure of forgiveness is a process, a step of growth, we all fall short
but its up to us to grow even in our short commings. |
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Becky |
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September 17, 2007 at 1:27am |
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Wow!
Thank you all for responding to my blog!
Voice - Yes all choices/mistakes that are bad come with a consequence, and yes trust was destroyed. My husband and I are trying to work through a balance that we can live with; these are of course, our baby girls we are talking about. We are going to have to spend much time in prayer to find our answers. I love your answer to the part about controlling your mind, although it is so difficult to exercise. I really need to work that faith muscle, as one of my girlfriends would put it.
Jennifer - You may be one of my "troubled teens", but sista chick, you got some Jesus going on! And HE is all you need to fight off peer pressure, satin, and the desire to sin. So you got it going on, and like Candance says your new clothes are so fly on you. Have you ever heard the saying "Out of the mouths of babes"? Your comment hit this crazy ole hen right smack in the beak and made her have to go and pull out some feathers. Thanks for making me fluffy again and turning me back into a sista chick. On another note -You and Ben both know I wish I could be more vulcan-like, and be more logical, but I can't get there. I am human; I would suppose that has always been one of my biggest flaws in this whole Christian walk - the forgiveness of self. But trust me it is getting easier. Thanks. Love ya!
Pastor Aminata - Love the un-forgiveness termites! I will have to use this daily. Thanks. As far as your question to help me get to the answer I have pondered and pondered....I know you are right the answer IS inside of me, but I don't think I get it. So I am going to ask you some questions: Are you saying Jesus had to ask the father, so that God could help Him forgive them? Or was it because they did not know He was God, and He was trying to demonstrate the love of God by interceding for them and asking God to forgive them for killing His Son? If Jesus was to ask for their forgiveness for them then He would be showing all of humanity that even those that killed the Son of God could be forgiven, that no sin is un-forgivable? Wow! Now that is deep! I love your teaching style. (If I got what you were trying to teach me, if not, please question away, I would love to be your young podawan ;-)
Evangelist - Thanks for the comment, and thanks for the reminder that it is a process....ugh. Even though we are in the 21st century, the times of get it now, and times of instant gratification, I have to constantly be reminded of this fact. Thanks. |
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| Becky, I asked , "Since Jesus is the Son of God, and have the power to forgive, why did He ask His Father to forgive them?" Jesus said, "Father, forgive these people {that are killing me}. They don't know what they are doing. " The soldiers gambled with dice to decide who would get Jesus' clothes."`Luke 23:34 Holy Bible: Easy-to-Read Version I know how hard it is to forgive and forget as most people say. But I'm of the mindset that we are to forgive and never forget. I'll explain shortly. I preached on forgiveness so time back, and while doing my studies, it hit me, hey, why did Jesus ask his Father to forgive them? Why didn't Jesus forgive them? Becky I always approach the bible with questions. Ok, you asked, "Are you saying Jesus had to ask the father, so that God could help Him forgive them? Or was it because they did not know He was God, and He was trying to demonstrate the love of God by interceding for them and asking God to forgive them for killing His Son?" Both questions show good thinking. Question 1: Jesus didn't ask his father to help him forgive them, Jesus asked His Father to forgive them, see the difference? Your second question is closer to the answer. 2. Yes Jesus was demonstrating (not trying) the love of God, and it would make so much sense as you put it "by interceding for them because they were killing God's son", except ask yourself this question, wasn't it apart of the plan, that Jesus came to die on the cross for our sin? I'm sure you will agree the answer here is yes. Ok, so back to square one, why Jesus did you ask the father to forgive them? Becky, Jesus hung on the cross as the Son of God, and as the Son of man. Tell me, who rightfully belonged up there on the cross between those two thieves? Whose place did Jesus take? He took my place, he took Becky's place. Can you see it now? Jesus hung on the cross to take your place Becky, he became a living sacrifice that had to die for the remission of our sin and so that you and I would have a chance at eternal life. I know this is taking long, (that's why I'd rather talk than type…) Jesus is our example to follow. So, what's my point? When we say, "I" just can't forgive, the "I" (ego in the Greek), convinces us that we have the power to let someone off the hook, in other words, it's our opportunity to play God. It's a scary thing when you stop to think about it. That person wronged me, and that person should pay, that's how we feel most of the time. Becky I'm saying, to forgive someone is more for the person doing the forgiving than the person who is being forgiven. Un-forgiveness is a powerful emotion as is all the other emotions, they all exist within the soul-realm. Jesus died to save our souls. He knew we would always struggle with this, and this is why he became an example for us to follow. Can you see it yet? Come with me Becky, and stand at the foot of the cross with me and let us both look up at Jesus right now. Can you see him there? Do you see that pain, the agony? Jesus is speaking to you and to me right now, he is saying, "Listen to me (Jesus) and do as I do." Can you hear him say, not ask, but say, "Father forgive them because they don’t know what they are doing." Becky Jesus was determined to carry out the will of his Father. He had gotten all the way to cross, and wasn't about to let anything stop him, not even that emotion of un-forgiveness. So he did what we all ought to do, and that is, Jesus gave the issue to His father. He gave it to his father and it no longer belonged to Him. It was now his Father's issue. This is how Jesus could ask, and also why Jesus did ask his Father to forgive them. If only we would do what Jesus did. No matter who wronged us, hurt us, whatever, not matter how many times they did it, if we would just give it to our Father, released it, turn it over, let it go… we would then be freed up to do His will. Then we could do as Jesus did and pray for them. I'll stop right here, so you can ponder some more. Does this make sense to you, can you now see how the termites come into play? Let me know what you think and next I will explain the termites and why we should never forget. Pastor Aminata Sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. |
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Becky |
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September 19, 2007 at 7:09pm |
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So are you saying Jesus already forgave them. He couldn't let the un-forgiving terminits eat at his soul because he was so determined to finish the work of the Father. He was showing us all how to be during our trials of when somebody wrongs us, so it won't keep us from the Father. Because our faith that God will take care of us even during our trials when others are persecuting us is the only thing that will get us through our trials.
Beautiful depiction. I can definately see the Holy Spirit blessed you with the gift of Teaching.
Thanks, I can't wait for more teachings |
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| Good pondering Becky, good pondering, you're just about getting it. You said, "So are you saying Jesus already forgave them." This is the only statement/question that needs correction. No, the bible doesn't teach us that Jesus forgave them (those who found him guilty and had him crucified), it says Jesus requested, "Father forgive them". Becky, Jesus gave that matter of forgiveness over to his father. Let's look at this another way. Jesus could have forgiven them himself, but he choose to give it to his father. Now it belonged to God and not Jesus. However, Jesus did ask his father to forgive them. Let's say a bully beat up your child, and you said to your child, "I got this, don't worry and then your child said to you, "mommy forgive them, they didn't know what they was doing." Becky Jesus set an example for us to follow. He knew that we would struggle with un-forgiveness. So if we do like Jesus did, we will never have a struggle. Give it to the Father. Give it to God. Once you do, it no longer belongs to you, it belongs to God. And then pray like Jesus did and ask God to forgive them. Ok, let's get to the termites. O boy, I had termites of un-forgiveness in my soul and didn't realize it. I wasn't until I began to study forgiveness, that the Holy Spirit helped me to see the damage those termites was doing to my soul. ********************************************************************************************* Becky my Grandma was my all. She was everything to me. She taught me about the love of Jesus before I was knee high to a duck. About 8 years ago, Grandma went home to be with Jesus, but she still remains with me to this day. Three years ago, in the month of January early in the morning, my phone rang. I was told my cousin, my Grandma's grandson, Tim-Tim was shot and killed by a police officer. Tim-Tim was coming from his other Grandma apartment and going to his friends apartment in the other building with some CDs, but instead of going down the stairs and outside, he and another young man went up the stairs and across the roof, it was no big deal, that what many did, to go from one building to the next. The police officer didn't know this, all he saw was a black youth coming out the door of the roof, and without hesitation, he shot and killed my cousin Tim-Tim, my Grandma's grandchild. Outrage struck the city, protests, marches all this was happening around my cousin's death. Over 5,000 people turned out for his funeral. 5, 000 minus one, the one was me. I didn't go, I couldn't go to the funeral. I am the eldest in my super-huge family, one word from me and it could have been a disaster. To this day, I am so grateful that God didn't let me go to the funeral. All I could think of was my Grandma. I couldn't talk to anyone but Grandma. If my Grandma hadn't already been with Jesus, that would have surely sent her there. Our family got through it. I put it all behind me, or so I thought, that is until I started my study on forgiveness. Jesus said, "Father, forgive these people {that are killing me}. They don't know what they are doing. " Becky, the Holy Spirit asked me the question that I asked you, why did Jesus not forgive them himself, why did he ask his father to forgive them. Like you I said, it was because of this or that, and each time the Holy Spirit made me read it again, this went on about ten times within a two week period. Like you Becky, I pondered, researched, studied, and then I just gave up, and I remember saying, Ok Lord I just don't get it, you have to tell me. The Holy Spirit began to speak to me, "how can you do work for me, with those termites of un-forgiveness eating away at your soul?" "You will not be effective unless and until you give your un-forgiveness, of that police officer to me, just know this, if you give it to me, it will no longer belong to you, it will belong to the Father." "If you give it to me, I will remove all those termites in your soul and restore you." Becky I didn't realize it, not until the Holy Spirit convicted me, not until the Holy Spirit revealed to me what was hidden deep within my soul. All of a sudden I saw it; I saw the hurt, the pain, the anger, the hatred of the police officer, I saw it all. I feel to my knees just crying like I had never cried before, tears that had been denied a hearing flooded my face, and I knew the Holy Spirit was right. I cried and cried and then I heard myself say, "Father forgive him, forgive that police officer, he didn't know, he didn't know, he didn't know. " Even now, my eyes are flooded with tears, tears of joy, because I could still be in all that pain. I could still have all those termites eating away at my soul, but I thank God, the Holy Spirit taught me how to give it to God. I was set free Becky. I can do the will of my Father without those termites of un-forgiveness. He did it for me, he can do it for you. These are the articles about Tim-Tim you can read them if you like. I have never read any. I don't intend to. I don't need to. I've been set free. Pastor Aminata - Timothy Stansbury - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Mayor Mike Bloomberg who like Kelly had not been overtly supportive of Officer
Neri said: Although the death of Timothy Stansbury was a heartbreaking ...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timothy_Stansbury - 22k - HYPERLINKsimilar pages - Grand jury exonerates New York cop who shot 19-year-old youth
Of course if Timothy Stansbury had, in fear or panic, been the one to pull the
trigger, there is no doubt that charges would have been brought. ...
http://www.wsws.org/articles/2004/feb2004/nypd-f25_prn.shtml - 9k - HYPERLINKsimilar pages - Timothy Jr. Stansbury News - The New York Times
Family of Timothy Stansbury Jr demonstrates outside Borough Hall in Brooklyn to
denounce grand jury's decision not to indict police officer whose gunshot ...
http://topics.nytimes.com / top / reference / timestopics / people / s / timothy_jr_stansbury / index.html - 54k - similar pages - Workers World Feb. 5, 2004: Brooklyn cops kill Timothy Stansbury
Racism and class exploitation have come together once again to rob another African
American family of their beloved young son.
http://www.workers.org/ww/2004/brooklyn0205.php - 14k - HYPERLINKsimilar pages - Preventing Another Stansbury (Gotham Gazette, April 5, 2004)
Timothy Stansbury Jr., a young black student, was accidentally shot and killed
by a New York City police officer in a Brooklyn housing project this year.
http://www.gothamgazette.com/article/fea/20040405/202/938 - 31k - HYPERLINKsimilar pages - village voice > news > Update on Cop Who Killed Brooklyn Kid by ...
Richard Neri, the Brooklyn cop who shot and killed 19-year-old Timothy Stansbury
on the roof of a Bed-Stuy apartment building last winter, has been elected ...
http://www.villagevoice.com/news/0513,hunter,62493,5.html - 42k - HYPERLINKsimilar pages - Police Commissioner Ray Kelly's Response to the Shooting of ...
There were the two cops, the two friends of the victim, 19-year-old Timothy
Stansbury, and the people they spoke to after the shooting. ...
http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/trends/columns/cityside/n_9814/ - 60k - HYPERLINKsimilar pages - People's Weekly World - Black youth killed by New York police
... couple was tragically torn apart as a bullet from a New York Police Department
officer’s gun ended the life of 19-year-old Timothy Stansbury Jr.
http://www.pww.org/article/view/4697/1/200/ - 42k - HYPERLINKsimilar pages
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JessIAm |
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September 20, 2007 at 5:14pm |
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I've always wondered this: Does the Bible actually say forgive and forget? God definitely tells us to forgive - no questions on that one. There seem to be some situations, though, where we should forgive, but not forget. Here's what I mean. A parent abuses a child (call him Bob). Bob grows up, and, through the power and intervention of Jesus, forgives the parent. Bob then gets married and has kids. How should Bob act toware his parent, considering his God given responsibility to protect his kids? In other words, does unconditional forgiveness imply unconditional trust? If it doesn't imply unconditional trust doesn't that mean we should remember, but not hold the sin against the sinner? |
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Becky |
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September 20, 2007 at 5:57pm |
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Wow!
Pastor Aminita,
By holding on to those un-forgiveness terminites we show a lack in our faith. We try to play "God" by holding on to judging, bitterness, anger etc. We just keep ourselves further away from God.
So did you cover the part about never forget or did I miss that too in the message? Do you mean that you need to never forget to let God have it. Kind of like the verses that say (excuse me for paraphrasing, I need to work on my memorization) Don't worry, God has takes care of the sparrows why wouldn't he take care of you?
I love your teachings
Thanks
PS I am so sorry for your cousin. Brings me back to the unforgiveness I had against God when he took my mom when I was an unbelieving addict. It wasn't until I started to get closer to God through through the back door (AA) and getting clean I realized He took my mom so I could get close to Him. I miss her, but I know I will see her once again. That was almost 19 years ago. |
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Becky |
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September 20, 2007 at 6:01pm |
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JessIam,
I don't know if the bible actually says that, I just know my husband tells me that so I wont bring up the sins of my loved ones, others, or even myself. He tells me to forgive like God does, and especially to my kids so we can show them the love of the Father.
PS JessIam I love your picture of "Hello Kitty Darth Vador" |
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Hey Becky,
Nope, you didn't miss the forget part. I hadn't put it in yet. First let me say, I'm really feelin my age, because everytime another question comes up, i got a story... a true one. So I'll tie in the forget piece for you and JessIAm.
I haven't found it in the bible where it says to forget. Yes, it's best to forgive, because un-forgiveness can and will do a whole lot of damage to one's spiritual development.
JessIAm, my father was very abusive to me and my mother when I was a little girl. From the age of 9 or 10 up until the age of 20, I hated my father, for all the bad things he did to my mom and to me. Hate is a strong emotion I might add, but even now as I look back God was with me, even though I wasn't with him. I hated my father so much, that I dreamed of one day getting a job to make enough money to have him killed. That's how much I hated him.
That was then, all those things happened, but God is so good. At the age of 20 I began to see my father for what he was... he was also a victim. It's too complicated to go into on this blog, however just know that.... all things are possible, if we only believe.
Today my dad is a Christian, and he and my mom are back together after being apart for more than 40 years. She always loved him and he loved her. Guess what? There isn't a speckle of hate in my heart for my dad. I love him dearly. Can't change what happened, but God sure can change the heart.
Ok, here is why I believe we should never forget. It's really simple.
Are you ready to hear it?
Ok now, remember I said it was really simple.
Having experienced all that I shared about forgiveness, if i was to truly forget, how would I know the effectiveness of the Holy Spirit? If I would forget all those times I forgave, how could I then be able to witness to Becky ... for such a time as this?
And how could God get His Glory, if I forget?
Pastor Aminata |
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Becky |
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September 20, 2007 at 7:37pm |
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Pastor Aminata,
Thank you. Isn't it amazing, what the world sees as bad, an abusive parent, husband, addiction, death the list goes on and on and on.....God turns it into good and His glory. Like the good in the teachings from you to young poduans like me.
I am so blessed you chose listen to the Holy Spirit and to take the time to speak to me.
Thanks. |
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Well well! My husband and I just had a "conversation" (more like heated disagreement) on this very issue. It seems, for some reason, that men seem better able to forgive more readily, while we ladies can't seem to. Hormones? LOL! Perhaps it is just how we are made.
First off, you are far from alone, sister! We all struggle to some degree with forgiveness issues. But I have been told and it seems to work, that even when you don't feel like forgiving, choose to, and the rest will eventually follow. 'Well,' You may say, 'Isn't that being false?' Well, I call it putting on Christ. He tells us to forgive, we choose to, and sooner or later the emotions will follow suit. And, of course, depending upon the severity of what you are dealing with, you may go for days or even weeks constantly praying, "God, help me to truly forgive from the heart. Help me to let things go." I know of one situation where I truly believed I had forgiven a very wicked man...that is until I saw him! I literally had so much rage that I wanted to kill him! This as a Christian! But, God used that situation, so that I would then forgive that man.
Now God said to forgive, not to forget. You and your husband are the guardians of your children's hearts (God is, but He has entrusted them to you). Just because you forgive, does not mean that you should invite the behavior to be repeated. Trust is an earned thing, as you know...and if this has anything to do with hormones, trust me; supervise! They can love the Lord to pieces and still fall into that strong spirit of lust (by the way, this is only speculation, and the actual scenerio is none of my beeswax, and I respect that). See, even Christian adults should not allow themselves to be in a situation where they could fall into sin. So, God gave you discernment. If you forgive a rapist, will you then let them go scot free? No! Our God is a just God, and just because you forgive, doesn't mean they have repented of the sin. You are not being double minded by being cautious...you forgive, but you don't forget. Well, in those cases.
I love teens. I believe that they will be the ones to lead a mighty revival, and I pray that your teens will follow suit and serve the Lord with all their hearts. I was a prodigal daughter, but I came back after 24 1/2 years! Well, I belonged to God when I was little anyways.
Bless you, sister. Forgiveness isn't always easy, but it's a command, and God would never ask us to do anything that we couldn't possibly do. Every day faithfully ask God to enable you to forgive quickly and easily. It may be asking for more trials, but hey! You'll get those anyways if you're gonna grow! Bless you, sister! |
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Becky |
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September 20, 2007 at 8:10pm |
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Thanks Lara
Hormones... huh? I don't know, I thought it was because I am like an elephant, I don't forget anything. My kids hate it, they hope I will forget they were grounded or restricted or something.... ;-)
I was a prodical daughter too, it was a long painful 33 years. Thank you Jesus for chosing me.
I agree with you on the teens. They will lead a strong revival. God is so good in that this trial has catepolted my teens to Christ. Us too! We have learned to be joyous in the trial because we know the blessing is coming. It was to catepolt my kids and us to thirst for Him like a deer pants for water.
Pray my teens and the teens at their high school Wednesday 26th, as they pray around the pole at Fuquay Varina High School. |
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JessIAm |
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September 21, 2007 at 9:15am |
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Thanks Pastor Aminita, that was the clarification I was looking for. Becky's husband is right, too: we should forgive the way God does (this also answers my question). He can't forget (because He's God He knows everything), but He doesn't hold my sins against me. Well, Lara certainly opened the discussion up a bit =D I read a Scientific American article on memory a few years ago. Someone did an odd experiment - they gave men estrogen, and tested their memory. The men on estrogen remembered things better than men who weren't on it. So, I guess Lara and Becky are both right - women have long memories because of hormones. I think men seem to forgive more readily because we can compartmentalize our emotions. We still harbor resentments, we just don't show it as readily. |
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Becky |
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November 30, 2007 at 11:10am |
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| Jess... You know I have had to learn how to forgive myself just as my sweet Jenn said. |
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JessIAm |
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November 30, 2007 at 11:12am |
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| Me too. I don't know if its me forgiving myself, or if I finally accept Jesus forgiveness, but I have struggled with that, too. |
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Becky |
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November 30, 2007 at 11:23am |
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| Jess - Sometimes you have to get a love spanking from GOD. I just did. That is the pure joy you are seeing in my writing. Stay tuned more blogs coming |
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