I believe it is important to understand our issues.  In understanding we can forgive and be forgiven.  It is just important not to dwell (live in) our past issues.  Whom the son has made free, is free indeed.  Once we understand our sins/issues, then it is time to load up the stationwagon and move on!  Jess, keep working on the trust issues because while it is not a good idea to confide in all women, there are many women in the body of Christ who have insights and wisdom that could bring freedoms to your life as well.  All of mankind is not man but also woman, and so different events may need a female perspective. My husband and I regularly counsel individuals together so that we give wholesome (complete) cousel.  Just something to think about. 

Awesome post.

Thanks all!

Lara, you bring up an important point.  When I thought about it, I realized I'm most condemning when I'm least walking in the Spirit.

Kathy, thanks for pointing that out.  I didn't even see that thread in my post.  I apologize if I seemed to convey that women don't have valid input and opinions for men (and vice versa).  God has used many women to teach me His truth.  When it comes to dealing with issues on the level I'm suggesting, this is really on the level of deep counseling or a recovery group.  On this level, I would be totally unqualified to help a sister deal with everything.  God might use me to help her deal with some individual things.  But I could never be a guide to a sister dealing with her issues.  She needs another sister for that.  My background here is 12 step recovery.  In 12 step, sponsors are always the same gender as the person sponsored.  There are a number of reasons for this.  When I share my issues with a person, that forms a very strong bond.  If a man's sponsor was a woman, there would be all sorts of emotional overhead that could get in the way of the process.

Mike, thanks!  I find dirty dishes rather profound as well ;)  Seriously, it took me a very long time to realize that my self condemnation was a smoke screen.  I'm grateful God let me see the truth about myself.

Glenn, I'm excited for the next steps God has for you.  I'm greatful God could use my experience to help.

Patrick, thanks.

Jess wrote:  "Everyone includes everyone who has sinned against me (including myself)."

I've met a few people that had a difficult time grasping your parenthetical.  Good!

Jess wrote:  "The problem is, in my sinful nature, I really don't want to understand myself."

If I understand Paul correctly, your problem is imaginary.  You are not a slave to sin anymore (Romans 7).  You, as a Regenerate person, have the ability now to overcome all sin, including your desire to keep yourself in a broken state.

Jess wrote:  "To know what I'm forgiving someone else for, I will need some objective help. That help has to be Divinely powered, but it also includes people."

I'm sure you meant to say this, but the objective standard of right and wrong is God's Word with guidance from God's Spirit, not people.

Jess wrote:  "As I deal with the underlying issues, the condemnation goes away."

R.C. Sproul made the distinction between "guilt" and "guilt feelings." As Justified saints, we are guilt-free before the Father, thanks to the blood of Jesus poured out on those God foreknew.  This is instantaneous, once for all.  However, we still have guilt feelings we have to deal with, and sometimes guilt feelings are unwarrented.  For instance, you can experience a guilty feeling by walking on your neighbor's grass even though the neighbor might not care if people walk on his grass.  I hope this helped somehow.

Jess wrote:  "As the condemnation goes away, I'm able to submit to God by accepting myself for who I am...."

I'd like to add "who you are before God."  Romans 8's "more than conquerers" comes to mind, as does the benefits of being Justified in the first half of Romans 5.

This is an encouraging blog, Jess.  Thanks for sharing!

Thanks Eric!  Wow!  That's a lot to respond to.  I'll give it my best shot.  I appreciate your intellectual approach, and I'm responding in kind.  If anything comes across as angry, it isn't - I'm just anal when I explain what I mean.

I understand what you are saying about not being slaves to sin anymore.  My point in that statement was to show we don't understand ourselves without help.  There is a very big difference between realizing God's truth that I'm free from sin, and doing what I need to live in that freedom.  Just because I have the ability to overcome all sin, doesn't mean I'm actually doing so.  I can't see the state of looking at myself in an untruthful way is an imaginary problem.  If it were imaginary, Paul wouldn't have had to remind believers to view themselves in truth in every letter he writes. 

Your right that God's Spirit and God's Word are the objective standard.  The verses in James are pretty clear that in the process of gaining healing, I need people.  As I see it, reading and understanding God's truth is important, but not sufficient.  I have to apply that truth to my soul.  I think the Bible makes it clear in James that other people are part of the process of applying that truth.

I agree with you and R.C. Sproul: there is guilt that is a state before God, and guilt that is a feeling towards myself.  The guilty feelings can be totally unwarranted.  The Bible clearly states the guilty state no longer applies to a believer.  However, there is no verse that says removing the state of guilt causes me to automatically forgive everybody who has sinned against me.  That's going to be a process.

Well, I hope that clarifies my position somewhat.

Great reponse, Eric!  Thanks. 

Jess wrote:  "There is a very big difference between realizing God's truth that I'm free from sin, and doing what I need to live in that freedom. ... However, there is no verse that says removing the state of guilt causes me to automatically forgive everybody who has sinned against me.  That's going to be a process."

Aye, yeah, I took the intellectual approach.  Maybe that's my own safeguard to my own heart.  There's a difference between knowing and doing.  But a lot of times knowing helps the doing.  I understood what you were saying.  I just felt compelled to share a bit of what I knew.

Okay Jess, it is more clear of where you are coming from.  Now understanding moreI will agree strongly with you on your wise choice in counsel.  Oh, and I just want to go on the record, I know for a fact God likes you and thankfully the rest of us as well. SGLY

Thanks Kathy, I'm glad I was able to clear that up.

God doesn't just love me, He likes me.
God doesn't just like me, He adores me.
God doesn't just adore me, He's always on my side, helping me become more like Him.

Thanks Kathy.  I like to think of all Christians as Sin-aholics.  The details might be different, but we all have the same basic problem.

I should admit that for years I was a self brander.  I'm so grateful God had mercy and gave me a clue. 

Thanks Pastor Tim.  I agree, trying to make myself feel bad to improve myself is me using my sinful nature to fix my sinful nature.  That ain't gonna work!

Thanks for posting the verses.

Isaiah 53:6
We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

Getting back to Kathy's comment, I don't know what Christs died to address more, my individual sins, or everything in me that wants to sin (I know He died for both).

Thanks Valarie.  I totally agree!  Amen!   The fact that God saw each of us as worth dying for is pretty affirming.

Howdy James,

Thanks for posting.  The relationship I have with Jesus is the basis for all my healing.  I'm kind of confused by something you said, which seems to negate much of what I'm saying (if I understand it correctly):

We need not concern ourselves with our petty problems.

My view is that petty problems are what I need to take to God.  As such, they are a concern, but God wants to remove them as a hinderance.  For example, I was an angry child.  I kept praying that God would take my anger away.  One day, I learned that a relative had phyisically abused me.  When I forgave this relative, I wasn't angry anymore.  For me, facing all my problems (even the petty ones) in God's truth is the pathway to peace.