|
| Two Ships Passing |
|
| |
I didn’t get to see my husband Monday night at all. He is in the process of trying to get his Master’s Degree, and so on Monday nights he has class. He called to inform me before he left for class, that he had to go back to work when he was done with school, to get stuff ready for a meeting that he had today. So he wouldn’t be home until late, and I probably wouldn’t get to see him at all. I take it all in stride nowadays because it happens more often than not. Yesterday he was in Michigan for meetings, and wasn‘t home until later last night, by the time I got home from bible study. Sometimes we can be like two ships passing in the night.
I really want him to be successful, and I want him to get his degree, if that is what he wants. I want to support him in all of the work that it takes to get there, but it becomes frustrating for me. Not only do I miss his company, and someone to talk to and share the day with, but there are so many things that need to be done around our home and business, and he is quite often too busy (or too tired) to do it. I can do some of it, but I can’t do it all. For instance, there are three lights in our greenhouse that will work sometimes, but not all the time, and so since I know nothing about electrical work, I can’t do anything to fix them. If it were just the bulb, I would change the bulb, but since they light up sometimes, I know that isn’t the problem.
Then, we need to start getting in a supply of wood for winter, because we heat our greenhouse with wood heat. He hasn’t even started doing that, and since I don’t know how to operate a chain saw, and probably couldn’t lift it if I wanted to, I can’t really do a whole lot to help him in that project either. There are many more things, but you get the idea. He just doesn’t have the time to do it. Work and school keep him pretty busy. And responsibilities at home have to take a back seat. He'll get the stuff done eventually, but I just don't have much patience, which is something God and I have been working on for a long time!
I do sometimes feel a bit upset about the situation. I find that I have to be a lot more flexible, which is not easy for me to do. I know that I am important to him, and that he would much rather be at home working, but he does need to make a living, and part of that living is getting a better education. I certainly am thankful for the paycheck he brings home and the job that he has, even though he is required to travel frequently. I can deal with the loneliness, since I have a lot of hobbies and church activities to keep me busy. I really don’t get lonely…but I do feel as though I am trying to do it all myself sometimes, and that isn’t a good feeling.
According to Ephesians 5:22-24, we should submit to our husbands in everything. Submission is an ugly word! I not only have to submit to my husband but to God. I can handle submitting to God, because He is my Lord and Savior, and I want to do His will. But my husband, I feel he is more my equal that my superior. Still, our marriage is a partnership, where teamwork is the name of the game. I try to pick up the slack where I can, and pray for strength until he reaches his goal.
|
|
| To add a comment to "Two Ships Passing" |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| September 26, 2007 |
 |
|
|
Deb, that is all we can do. My husband is not a christian, and he still plays in a band. I used to sing in the band too but quit when I gave my life to God. He works very hard all week and alot of the times on weekends he is gone until the wee hours of the morning playing his music. I used to have a problem with that but I have long since learned to grin and endure. There are a lot of other factors in my situation but it would take too long to write it.
Although our situations are different, it is as you say, like two ships passing. I try as you do to take up the slack and do what I can around the house, but there are some things that I just can't do by myself, I need his help. I know that he is tired from working all week, but I get the feeling as well that I am doing it all by myself.
I try to remember that he does not know God, and I have to be an example of Christ and bite my tongue sometimes, and pray that he will come around.
So just remember you are not in that "ship" alone, but God will give us all strength to endure until His will is done.
I hope I haven't rattled on too much. Blessings to you. |
|
|
| September 26, 2007 |
|
|
|
Deb I went through the same process for 4 years while my husband was getting his bachelor's. Plus I went back and finished up my associates. It was a very worthwhile experience but a drain.
Just know this too will pass and I wish I could say your hubby would go back to normal - but life just has a way of leaving a lot of things undone. The important things are the important things but we have to decide what they are. Not everything is as important as we think.
One thing that really helped me was helping Dennis with his homework. It gave us an opportunity to be together even if it was 'business.' Perhaps you could help type or organize his notebook. Whatever it takes just stay connected. I text message, email, leave voicemails, make him cd's of our favorite songs, put pictures in his wallet, post pictures in his laptop desktop, put in reminders in his blackberry that I love him, and even tuck notes in Dennis clean undies from time to time so he finds them when he's traveling. (no making fun folks - it's a clean wholesome marriage insider tip). Whatever it takes to keep him knowing you're his woman and he's your man. Once I even saved up and flew to New Jersey and surprised Dennis with a bday party while he was on a trip. Had to fly to Texas then New York to get a cheap fare, but it was worth it. We had dinner together each night and we reconnected.
The main thing is to maintain. You're in my prayers, Kathy |
|
|
| September 26, 2007 |
|
|
|
| A prayer for you, Deb. |
|
|
| September 27, 2007 |
|
|
|
Deb,
I surely know how you feel. My house has had clutter in it for some time. God told me to get the clutter out. I said "God I have 3 children and not to mention 1 who has special needs and another which is in home therapy and one that is homeschooling, how am I supposed to do this on my own?" My husband works long hours too even on Saturday. Now Sunday is God's day so he doesn't believe working on Sunday, which is a ten commandment anyways so I do see him then. We get family time on that day. Since I have 3 children its tough even having to stay home and not help my husband out financially. So one thing we have known for sure is my children need their daddy. We do put our family first, example, if one of our children are sick or in need of something and if my husband needs to be here at home, he will take that day off. Yes, we have alot of debts but thats in Gods hands. God comes first actually then our family. God is faithful in supplying all of our needs, he knows our hearts and when you've done all that you can do just stand. We are in raging storms of life right now and God surely doesn't want us to be so overwhelmed in bills but also life. So just do what you can and God will do the rest for you. You have to take care of yourself, I've learned that the hard way. You can't do everything, none of us can but when you can get things done do it praising God, that works for me. He has helped me alot. I have gotten alot accomplished by taking one day at a time and what I have gotten done in just 2 months should have gotten done 5 years ago. When you put God first in your life he will help you through the day.Don't look at what you need to get done, look at what you have gotten done and check it off. That helps. We will always be busy everyday of our lives but make sure you and your husband take a time out for eachother at least for 1 day you need that communication. A date is always fun. You don't want life to be rushed and miss out on eachother, just let the spirit led you on what to do. My husband and I always leave notes to eachother or make dates every month for one another. For example,my husband left me a note in my dryer. That got my attention and reasurring he loves me. As my mother always tells me " Misse the dishes will be there when you get back they aren't going anywhere just take a time out". Boy, thank God for moms. Well, I will keep you and your husband in my prayers and I know there will be a breakthrough for you, God knows your heart. God Bless......Patience surly isn't fun. |
|
|
| September 27, 2007 |
|
|
|
Denise, I will pray that your husband comes to know God. I am thankful that my husband is a Christian, so we do have Sundays and church activities together, when he is home and not busy with something else. We'll make it, it is just hard.
Lara, I will pray for you as well, that your financial situation gets easier. I know that my husband's schooling is temporary, it will take a few years to accomplish but it will come to an end. The traveling he does with his job however, won't stop as long as he works there.
Kathy N., my husband did go back to school to get his bachelor's, and I went back to school too when I changed careers, so we have both done this route before...it wasn't easy then and it isn't going to be easy now, but we will make it. I liked all your suggestions to do to make a connection, and will try a few of them. I don't help Jim with his homework mainly because right now his homework consists of working out mathematical problems. So often I just sit in the office with him and read while he does his homework.
Kathy, thank you.
Christine, thank you for your kind words, and the reminder that patience is the thing I need to work on here :)
Pastor Tim, thank you.
Misse, there are days I wish my mom was still here to go to for support. I do have my sister though, who is a great source of help for me. But there is just something about a mom...Jim and I do have a date night each week where we go out to eat and do something else, like going to a movie. Sometimes we have to work around his schedule or mine, but we get it in.
Lisa, this was good...Biblical submission is designed to be between two Spirit-filled believers who are mutually yielded to each other and to God. Submission is a two-way street. Submission is a position of honor and completeness. When a wife is loved as Christ loves the church, submission is not difficult.
|
|
|
| October 27, 2007 |
|
|
|
Deb, Change is never easy, but not changing means being lukewarm and apathetic. I have seen changes in you since you have been posting here. Your husband is going through a change now in his education. This means your marriage is going through changes, too. Changes are usually difficult, but always so rewarding. Hang in there lady. Watch and see what God will do.
oh, and on the submission thing...like Lisa said, it is a two-way street. And when it is balanced, it is soooooo nice. TGBTG!! |
|
|
| October 28, 2007 |
|
|
|
| DC, you must have gotten behind in your reading. I see you are now caught up! Yes, change is difficult, but usually we grow so much from it. Think how stagnant we would be if we didn't change? I wonder why we are so reluctant to change things sometimes? |
|
|
Follow this blog
