God Rushes in

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God Rushes in

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September 27, 2007 at 10:40am

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Today was the third week of the Men's fraturnity at my home church (Calvary temple), I suppose some more reflection will be in order. I've done more moral inventories of my self in the last 18 years. I hope these are different.

After the men's meeting I went home in the hopes of taking a nap. but after a brief nap I was awakened with two thoughts. I'm ashamed because of my financial status. I come from a family that don't speak blessings into our kids we write them checks. I'm also ashamed that I don't have any kids, having selfishly spent the best years of my life on sex drugs and rock and roll. I feel ashamed that I havent't been able to attract and sustain a mate. (My Ex-wife went back to using drugs and found a new cyber boyfriend and a new cyber life in a new cyber location after 8 years of marriage.)

I feel guilty that I haven't abandonned Terre haute to go take care of mom and my little brother in Ohio.

I could just have left a lot of these things in my journal, but I have a bad habit of writing these things down and letting them just set there. This way once I hit the submit button I can no longer hide them. I'm already looking forward to making new friends at Calvary Temple, and indeed I already have. I'm looking forward to planting seed and helping the next person needing help walking this new way of life.

Even having written what I've written I see there's a lot of self pity here, and that I really need to learn how to thing and speak differently. I remember one time when I was a senior in high school My Mom yelled at my Dad as he was delivering our household goods to Ohio as him and Mom were divorcing. "Carl this is all were ever going to have". Exactly what she meant I don't know but I don't think I have to live under that curse anymore. I think that's gonna have to start with what I speak over myself.

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1 Star to "God Rushes in"

1 Comment to "God Rushes in"

JessIAm

September 27, 2007 at 11:13am

Thanks Dave. Hang in there. It took my 41 years to figure out that God doesn't use shame. Shame wasn't part of the human experience until after Adam and Eve sinned. I still have problems walking around in a +12 Shame T-Shirt (If you've ever played DnD, you'll get the joke).

God Bless You

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