| So could ya "unpack" that Vicar? |
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Well, it's come to my attention through "back channels" that some folks in my congregation are actually reading my blog. Imagine my surprise that anyone really reads the random flotsam and jetsam that passes over my synapses!
The good news is they are reading it. The bad news is my musings are becoming fodder for parking lot conversations about me rather than sparks for folks to talk to me (see the "Norms for Conversations in the Christian Community" below and see if you can figure out which norm was broken ...). Just remember, there's a link below each post called "Lemme Have It!" - that's for comments ... it's really OK to leave me some comments.
I'm hopeful that one day, my blog might inspire someone to ask me something like, "I saw your posting on [fill in blank with whatever musing you want]. Can you tell me more about what you mean when you said [fill in blank with confusing musing]?"
Evidently, my thoughts on being in the wilderness have raised some concern amongst the flock. So, since some have chosen to get upset by my observations around wilderness, allow me the opportunity to "unpack" that musing.
Anytime you're in a transition, you're in the wilderness. You know you've experienced it, even if you don't admit it. Think about what it was like when you first started a new job... everything was unfamiliar. You didn't know your coworkers. You couldn't find the paper clips! Where's the coffee? ... and where's the closest bathroom to your cubicle?? You had to figure out the office politics ... and the culture. It was all new ... and very exhausting to figure out. That's wilderness - it's unfamiliar territory where everything is different than it had been before.
So, how does this relate to me? What's going on? Well, I accepted God's call to step into a congregation which had been through some serious trauma. The congregational infrastructure was a heap of smoldering ruins.
[Side note: Let me further unpack what I mean by "infrastructure" - I'm not talking about the members or people. They are good folks who are trying to be Church. I'm talking about the basic infrastructure of things like proper record keeping (missing Parish Registers, no records on attendance for prior years, no history on file, etc.), a properly functioning accounting system (the software was beyond their budget and had not been updated in over a year), and a messy bunch of papers I'm still trying to sort out. That's what I mean by the infrastructure being a smoldering ruinous heap] The congregation's liturgy was totally foreign and, in some places, not even reflective of Anglican theology. What few internal documents I received (which were few, I can assure you) failed to paint a complete picture of how this congregation functioned.
So ... do you blame me for feeling like I'm in the wilderness?
Truth is, even if I had walked into an established church with all the infrastructure intact, active mission and ministry happening, strong lay and clergy relations ... I'd still be in the wilderness trying to figure out where they stashed the paper clips!
All transitions are wilderness, both for clergy and for the congregation. The question is, will the congregation make room for a new vicar by being quick to listen and slow to judge? That's a question the congregation will need to answer ...
Norms for Conversations in the Christian Community (with many thanks to Flo Ledyard+)
- Be respectful of one another.
- Listen as you would like to be listened to.
- Do not make assumptions.
- Consider and respect other perspectives; gather information with clarifying questions.
- Be quick to listen and slow to judge.
- No parking lot conversations. If you have concerns, voice them in the group and not in other venues.
- Maintain appropriate confidentiality when it is requested or expected.
- Use ?I? statements. No speaking of ?we? or ?they? unless you put specific names with their use.
- Speak specifically, not generally.
- No name calling or labeling.
- Be responsible for your own feelings.
- Stick with the process. No ?drop and run.?
- Work for the common good of the greater community.
- Admit mistakes.
- Nobody stays in the ?penalty box? forever. Avoid dredging up past slights and wounds which have been settled. Model forgiveness instead of keeping score.
- Be open to change and growth.
- Do not attack questions or motives.
- Be accountable for what you say and do.
- Work for win-win outcomes; propose positive changes ? do not just offer negative complaints.
- Avoid behind-the-back criticism or innuendo. If you have an issue with someone, talk with them and not about them.
- Fear the triangle! If another party draws you into conversation about someone not present, encourage them to talk with that person and not about them. Do not be a party to negative gossip.
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