|
| Freedom |
|
| |
Someone asked me the question of how I broke free from the bondage of bulimia and compulsive overeating. Here is my answer:
There's a very long answer to your question. I will try to be as brief as possible and you can ask specific questions if I did not answer well enough.
I stopped purging in November of 2004. Do you remember IFC doing the first 40 day fast? Well, I stopped purging during the fast b/c of the fast. I found out I was pregnant on Veterans' Day and until December 30th my eating was pretty good. I did not want to hurt my baby. Well, I miscarried on December 30th at 12 weeks pregnant. I was devastated and my eating went right back to what it had been. By God's grace I was able to not purge anymore. I believe the time of fasting and prayer broke that in me (I fasted only 1 meal a day and spent precious time with the Lord).
The compulsive overeating/binging was harder. In October 2005 Dr. Doug Weiss came to our church. He did a dinner meeting for married/engaged couples. Keith and I went. He spoke a lot on addiction (mostly sexual) and I realized even more fully that what I had was a food addiction fueled by perfectionism and control issues. That night Dr. Weiss said one thing that resonated in my spirit. 5:16Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
I had heard this scripture many times before, but that night the Holy Spirit illuminated it to me. See there is no effectual fervent prayer without confession. To have confession of faults I had to find someone to tell all my "stuff" to. I wanted someone who would understand the struggle. I had reached out repeatedly in the past to others who had told me they had bulimia and not one of them thought they knew how to help me. That night I knew in order to be free I had to have someone I was accountable to.
Then the Holy Spirit took me even further: 5:17 Elias was a man subject to like passions as we are, and he prayed earnestly that it might not rain: and it rained not on the earth by the space of three years and six months. 5:18 And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth brought forth her fruit. 5:19 Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him; 5:20Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.
The Holy Spirit showed me that even Isaiah, a man of spiritual strength and power was "a man subject to like passions as we are", but God answered his prayer, even without him being "perfect".
The last thing the Holy Spirit showed me was that the very thing I was trying to do--hide my sin and my imperfections--God would do for me when I confessed my faults, open myself to another person, and allow that person to speak into my life to keep me on course with my eating. I had no one in the body of Christ to turn to so I went to OA (Overeaters Anonymous). I walked into my first meeting with the intention of getting a sponsor and did. That was the beginning of victory for me. I began committing my food daily to my sponsor and found myself walking in a freedom I had only hoped for.
It is hard for me sometimes to be completely honest about what I have eaten. I spent years hiding my food by buying when I was alone and eating it all, stopping and throwing my food trash away at a gas station garbage can, putting the wrappers under other trash, buying two of something, hiding one and eating it all and part of the other to make it look like I only had a little of the second one, etc. This is why I started my page here. My sponsor stopped doing OA awhile ago and did not feel right continuing to sponsor me. I have another sponsor for the workbook I use with Free In Deed. I tried using her as my food sponsor but while she is wonderful working the steps with me, she is not good about holding me accountable for my food. I have been looking for a way to have a sponsor/accountability but the OA meetings in my area did not happen at times I could go with homeschooling my three daughters. This website is my way of keeping myself accountable by confessing and committing my food to any who will read.
I had found myself stumbling a lot in the time I have been sponsorless and before I sank back down into the addiction I choose to do something to: 5:1 Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.
I hope this helps.
For His Children,
~Coreena |
|
| To add a comment to "Freedom" |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| September 29, 2007 |
 |
|
|
| May the Lord bless you for your openness and care for your brothers and sisters who may go through similar struggles. ~mike |
|
|
| September 29, 2007 |
|
|
|
Thank you so much. I ma so encouraged by your comment. It was so hard for me for so long because no one knew how to help. I just want to help anyone else who has been on this road, cold, alone, and hopeless.
For His Children,
~Coreena |
|
|
| October 21, 2008 |
|
|
|
| There really is victory in Jesus! So Coreena, do you ever struggle with bingeing anymore? Or have you made the changes now so it is not an issue anymore.? |
|
|
| October 21, 2008 |
|
|
|
| I have not sat down and binged like I used to. While my eating is not perfect, and there have been days I have eaten way too much I have not had the drive behind the eating like I used to. When I binged I felt driven to eat--almost as if it was beyond my control to stop--like someone were riding me and kicking me with nasty spurs until I would eat and eat and eat. I don't have that anymore. Now I am learning the finesse of my eating--what I mean is I am learning when I am eating because I am hungry physically and when I am eating because I am trying to sooth myself, stuff my feelings, or what I seem to deal with most now because I am looking for the energy I so desperately need to get through my day. So some days my eating is great--no sinning. Other days I overeat by as little as one bite, but I let God convict me and get back to His plan for me rather than spiraling out of control like I used to. |
|
|
| October 22, 2008 |
|
|
|
| I am so ashamed of what has happened to me. I have lost motiviation to get fit and have lost 20-30 lbs only to put it back on. I know I eat for pleasure and to feel good. How can that be changed? |
|
|
| October 23, 2008 |
|
|
|
Wow, Todd, big question. Great honesty and self awareness in admitting that you eat for pleasure and to feel good. Shame can really lock us up and prevent us from walking in the freedom Christ purchased for us. Let me give you some basic steps towards freedom.
1. Get a sponsor--preferably someone who really understands the struggle you are facing.
2. Find or start (I did Overeaters Anonymous until I was ready to start the Free Indeed groups I lead today) a support group so that you have more support and accountability.
3. Just as you would spend time in the Word to build your faith for healing or anything else, do the same for getting free from the bondage to food. I have a massive amount of good resources I will have to get posted at a later time. See also my blog entries on my group Free Indeed. I do not have all my notes on there--I just don't have the time yet to get them all typed and posted.
4. Decide that if you never get to eat certain foods again you want God and His perfect will for your life more--this is major surrender. (This was soooooo hard for me!!)
5. Make a food plan before you eat for that day and commit it to your sponsor letting your sponsor know when there are any changes.
Todd, there is more but I am out of time. I will message you with another way to contact me that will be a bit more advantageous to you. Thanks for asking me such a large question!!! |
|
|
| October 23, 2008 |
|
|
|
| Unfortunately, you are not telling me anything i don't already know. It is going to take the "want to" and that is the shame I deal with. That feeling of helplessness compounds the problem so the cycle continues even though you know it is killing you. I guess the problem for me has making it a lifestle habit. To me it has become a major glaring issue of the lack of self control which for a Pastor is an oximoron. Anyway, thanks for the ideas and the encouragement and maybe that's what I need is that accountability. When i was doing weightwatchers weighing in and staying for the meetings and tracking my food and excercise I did really good. When I stopped so did my habits. Anyway...thanks...whether you realize it or not you are an inspiration keep up the good work. |
|
|
Follow this blog
