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Someone asked me the question of how I broke free from the bondage of bulimia and compulsive overeating. Here is my answer:
There's a very long answer to your question. I will try to be as brief as possible and you can ask specific questions if I did not answer well enough.
I stopped purging in November of 2004. Do you remember IFC doing the first 40 day fast? Well, I stopped puging during the fast b/c of the fast. I found out I was pregnant on Veterans' Day and until December 30th my eating was pretty good. I did not want to hurt my baby. Well, I miscarried on December 30th at 12 weeks pregnant. I was devestated and my eating went right back to what it had been. By God's grace I was able to not purge anymore. I believe the time of fasting and prayer broke that in me (I fasted only 1 meal a day and spent precious time with the Lord).
The compulsive overeating/binging was harder. In October 2005 Dr. Doug Weiss came to our church. He did a dinner meeting for married/engaged couples. Keith and I went. He spoke a lot on addiction (mostly sexual) and I realized even more fully that what I had was a food addiction fueled by perfectionism and control issues. That night Dr. Weiss said one thing that resonated in my spirit. 5:16 Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
I had heard this scripture many times before, but that night the Holy Spirit illuminated it to me. See there is no effetual fervent prayer without confession. To have confession of faults I had to find someone to tell all my "stuff" to. I wanted someone who would understand the struggle. I had reached out repeatedly in the past to others who had told me they had bulimia and not one of them thought they knew how to help me. That night I knew in order to be free I had to have someone I was accountable to.
Then the Holy Spirit took me even further: 5:17 Elias was a man subject to like passions as we are, and he prayed earnestly that it might not rain: and it rained not on the earth by the space of three years and six months. 5:18 And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth brought forth her fruit. 5:19 Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him; 5:20 Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.
The Holy Spirit showed me that even Isaiah, a man of spiritual strength and power was "a man subject to like passions as we are", but God answered his prayer, even without him being "perfect".
The last thing the Holy Spirit showed me was that the very thing I was trying to do--hide my sin and my imperfections--God would do for me when I confessed my faults, open myself to another person, and allow that person to speak into my life to keep me on course with my eating. I had no one in the body of Christ to turn to so I went to OA (Overeaters Anonymous). I walked into my first meeting with the intention of getting a sponsor and did. That was the beginning of victory for me. I began committing my food daily to my sponsor and found myself walking in a freedom I had only hoped for.
It is hard for me sometimes to be completely honest about what I have eaten. I spent years hiding my food by buying when I was alone and eating it all, stopping and throwing my food trash away at a gas station garbage can, putting the wrappers under other trash, buying two of something, hiding one and eating it all and part of the other to make it look like I only had a little of the second one, etc. This is why I started my page here. My sponsor stopped doing OA awhile ago and did not feel right continuing to sponsor me. I have another sponsor for the workbook I use with Free In Deed. I tried using her as my food sponsor but while she is wonderful working the steps with me, she is not good about holding me accountable for my food. I have been looking for a way to have a sponsor/accountability but the OA meetings in my area did not happen at times I could go with homeschooling my three daughters. This website is my way of keeping myself accountable by confessing and committing my food to any who will read.
I had found myself stumbling a lot in the time I have been sponsorless and before I sank back down into the addiction I choose to do something to: 5:1 Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.
I hope this helps.
For His Children,
~Coreena |
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