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| I hope I choose to serve Him!!! |
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It recently occurred to me how sorry I am. I’m sorry for my inability to follow the Lord, even in the simplest things I’m sorry for my prayer-less life I’m sorry for my scripture-less life I’m sorry for my brokenness I’m sorry for my hypocrisy I’m sorry for my inconsistency I’m sorry for my indifference I’m sorry for my disconnection from the Lord I’m sorry for my failed attempts at being a better wife, a better daughter, sister and friend I’m sorry for being foolish enough to think that I think I actually have something to do with my attempts to impact the culture for Christ I’m sorry I raise my hands in worship yet I don’t raise my hands in my own life
I'm sorry that most days I don't even think about the Lord
I’m sorry to make my dear friends listen to my Christian talk when I continually fail to walk that same Christian walk I am so sorry. Then it occurred to me that I don’t really need to be sorry. I need to be angry. I need to hate my depravity to such a point that I refuse to live a neutral life for one more minute. I must refuse to be safe for one more second. I must refuse to begin another day without my Lord. I must refuse to live a life that doesn’t exemplify the Gospel. I must refuse to say I love the Lord and continue with actions that suggest that I really love myself more.
Many of my friends have a picture frame in their homes with the following phrase: CHOOSE THIS DAY WHOM YOU WILL SERVE…AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE, WE WILL SERVE THE LORD!!
Dear friends, I have not been serving Him.
I pray that when I’m done writing this that I don’t return to a life of indifference and I actually choose to serve Him. I pray that I choose Christ and not myself. Even in my brokenness. Even in my weakness. Even in my lowest moments. Even in my fear.
I hope I choose to serve Him. |
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| To add a comment to "I hope I choose to serve Him!!!" |
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| October 13, 2007 |
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AMEN!!! It's one thing to be sorry, it's quite another to do something to bring about change. I, for one, have noticed a difference in you lately, and that's an awesome testimony to the Lord. May He continue to move all of our hearts! xoxoxo |
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| October 13, 2007 |
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| Thanks, BH. You are a wonderful friend and I'm so blessed to have you in my life, even though I am such a mess!! |
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| October 13, 2007 |
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| Ditto Candi. Your honesty is valuable, Tracy. It's a vital part of the confession/repentance thing. Thanks for sharing this, it's another answer to my prayers. God is good!!! |
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| October 13, 2007 |
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| Thanks, Mike. Its time for me to get real, start paddling or get out of the boat!! |
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| October 13, 2007 |
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| Tracy, there comes a time in life when The Lord has had enough of our selfishness, and our thick-headedness, and puts us at a crossroad. He always gives us a choice, and assures us that the best choice is Him. It sounds as if you have just left your crossroad, and chosen The Lord. Praise God!!! He is so worthy and so faithful, He is by far the best choice. He led me through my crossroad, so I think I know how you feel. Give Him ALL your heart, and watch Him work miracles through you!!! I thank God for you and Chris. Keep up the good work. |
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| October 13, 2007 |
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| Thank you Mark. Honestly, I didn't really view it as a crossroads...rather a series of crises of faith, which have been stirring in my heart for a very long time. I can't say it will be the end of the crises yet because I know myself and I know how I struggle with the Christian life, but hopefully it is a starting point to something better. I also know that my inconsistencies, indifference, whatever you want to call it, is really starting to tick me off!! I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, sitting exhausted in my failures, often feeling alone and out of the reach of the Lord. That is starting to change, as I do. But, you are absolutely right about my selfishness. For me, its time to either put up or shut up!! Thank you for all you do and all you and BH are to us. We love you!! |
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| October 13, 2007 |
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Tracy,
As I thought about what you wrote, it started to remind me of where I once was. Then I realized you might identify with this (Becoming dissatisfied with dissatisfaction) based on your response to Mark...
See ya tomorrow! |
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| October 13, 2007 |
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| Thanks, Mike. That is exactly where I'm at right now. I know I give you a hard time about your love of sharing Christ's love through blogging but you really are dead on biblically with nearly everything that you write. Thanks broth-a, you're the best!! |
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| October 13, 2007 |
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Tracy, I love what you posted. There are times during the past year that I have been down about things at church and work and family. Where did my joy go? I read about Paul and Silas singing in prison at midnight. I don't get my way at work and I start to build up a big thing and now I am consumed by it. God really convicted me of the fact that I was the problem last February while on a mission trip to South America. By the way, I am glad for my brokenness becuase it scares me how easy it is for me to live on my own with no dependence on my Lord and Savior. I realize you are probably saying that you are tired of being defeated and not being obedient. I hear you on that and I pray that we all will be obedient to that which we know to do each day in the coming week. |
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| October 14, 2007 |
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| Thanks, Brent. You are correct...I am tired of being defeated. It seems like my entire life I have been praying the same prayer over and over again, probably because I was going through life unchanged. I'm not saying that this is some great turnaround where I am going on some sort of frontier mission where I will never deal with this again. I know better. But, it is the beginning of a turnaround, I hope, and only the Lord can bring me on this journey. Thank you for your prayers and encouraging words!! |
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