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| Am I Gossiping? |
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I was recently accused of gossiping. I argued that I was not gossiping. My understanding of gossip means that you slander someone without them being there to hear it. I seem to justify gossip by applying special rules to it. Say, what I heard was true..then self justification would arise and make the gossip OK. If the rumor was not true, only then would sorrow or shame be felt for partaking in the discussion. If the bible says we will give account for every idle word spoken, then that kinda makes you take two steps back before you even open your mouth! What are we to do then? Who can we talk to? What is ok to talk about. What the bible tells us is that a fool talks too much. I dont have the all the answers, I am a woman! We love to talk! I did a little study on the history of gossip via the web. It shows where the word comes from, what it means, & the different religious groups point of view on the matter. As christians we are instructed to not gossip. I just wonder how numb I have become to the web of gossip? If you grew up around it, your convictions may be low in that area. Allow Holy Spirit to minister to your hearts & search your hearts to see if a web of gossip lies within you.
Gossip From Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaGossip consists of casual or idle talk between friends. While ostensibly value neutral, the term often specifically refers to talk of scandal, slander, or schadenfreude relating to known associates of the participants, and discussed in an underhand or clandestine manner. Compare backbiting. While gossip forms one of the oldest and (still) the most common means of spreading and sharing facts and views, it also has a reputation for the introduction of errors and other variations into the information thus transmitted. The term also carries implications that the news so transmitted (usually) has a personal or trivial nature. Compare conversation. Some people commonly understand gossip as meaning the spreading of rumor and misinformation, as (for example) through excited discussion of scandals. Some newspapers carry "gossip columns" which retail the social and personal lives of celebrities or of élite members of certain communities. Gossip has recently come into the academy as a fruitful avenue of study, particularly in light of its relationship to both overt and implicit power structures. Compare discourse. Researchers studying computer networks and distributed computing have recently begun to develop software based on what they term gossip protocols. These mimic social networks as a way to carry out distributed computing tasks that can be hard to solve in other ways. (The term epidemic protocol is also used in this context.)
[edit] EtymologyThe word "gossip" originates from god-sib, the godparent of one's child or parent of one's godchildren ("god-sibling"; compare the possible cognate of sib: sabhā), referring to a relationship of close friendship. The Oxford English Dictionary traces the usage of godsib back as far as 1014. The Oxford English Dictionary records the use of gossip in the meaning of "idle talk; trifling or groundless rumour; tittle-tattle ... [e]asy, unrestrained talk or writing, esp. about persons or social incidents" back as far as 1811. This became a primary meaning of the word, although literary as well as everyday English can continue to use gossip in the sense of "talkative woman" (apparently a near-synonym with "godparent" in Early Modern English, the first attestation of the extended meaning of "anyone engaging in familiar or idle talk" dating from 1566). The verb to gossip dates to the early 17th century.
[edit] Discredited folk-etymologyDespite the academic etymology, one popular etymology (or folk-etymology) connects the word "gossip" with "to sip": [1] the tale tells how politicians would send assistants to bars to sit and listen to general public conversations. The assistants had instructions to sip a beer and listen to opinions; they responded to the command to "go sip", which allegedly turned into "gossip". (Note the implied value (for power-brokers) that this story attributes to the uninhibited casual opinions and interests of "randomly"-encountered common people — compare opinion-polling and market research.)
[edit] Functions of gossip This Soviet war poster conveys the message: "Don't chatter! Gossiping borders on treason" (1941). Gossip can serve to: - normalise and re-inforce moral boundaries in a speech-community
- foster and build a sense of community with shared interests and information
- entertain and divert participants in gossip-sessions
- retail and develop various types of story — anecdotes, narratives and even legends — see memetics
- build structures of social accountability
- further mutual social grooming (like many other uses of language, only more so)
- provide a mating tool that allows (for example) women to mutually identify socially desirable men and compare notes on which men are better than others.
- it is used as a form of passive aggression, as a tool to isolate and harm others.
[edit] Various views on gossipSome see gossip as trivial, hurtful and socially and/or intellectually unproductive. The Bahá'í Faith, for instance, refers to gossip as backbiting, and condemns and prohibits the practice, viewing it as a cause of disunity. In a more sinister interpretation, restrictions on gossip could potentially paralyse the free flow of information and enforce straight-jacketed thinking and censorship in a community. The term "gossip" typically labels discussion the speaker disapproves of ("I discuss, you speculate, he gossips"). Compare freedom of speech. A feminist definition of gossip presents it as "a way of talking between women, intimate in style, personal and domestic in scope and setting, a female cultural event which springs from and perpetuates the restrictions of the female role, but also gives the comfort of validation." (Jones, 1990:243)
[edit] In Early Modern EnglandIn Early Modern England the word "gossip" referred to companions in childbirth, not limited to the midwife. It also became a term for women-friends generally, with no necessary derogatory connotations. It commonly referred to an informal local sorority or social group, who could enforce socially-acceptable behaviour through private censure or through public rituals, such as "rough music" and the skimmington ride. The literature of the period has many references to this[citation needed], some of them doubtless fictional. - Bernard Capp, When Gossips Meet: Women, Family and Neighbourhood in Early Modern England, Oxford University Press, 2003. ISBN 0199255989
[edit] Gossip in Judaism
Judaism considers gossip spoken without a constructive purpose (known in Hebrew as lashon hara) as a sin. Speaking negatively about people, even if retelling true facts, counts as sinful, as it demeans the dignity of man — both the speaker and the subject of the gossip. According to Proverbs 18:8: "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels: they go down to a man's innermost parts."
[edit] Gossip in IslamIslam considers backbiting the equivalent of eating the flesh of one's dead brother. Backbiting about somebody harms that person without offering any chance of defence for the victim; just as a dead person cannot mount a defence if one were to eat his flesh. Since Islam has the concept of universal brotherhood, one should treat every other man like one's brother.
[edit] Gossip in ChristianityChristianity condemns all kinds of gossip. The Epistle to the Romans associates gossips ("backbiters") with a list of sins including sexual immorality and with murder: 28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; 29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, 30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: 32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them. (Romans 1:28-32)
Note: I edited this to make it MyChurch appropriate.
19:16 You shall not go up and down as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not stand forth against the life of your neighbor: I am the LORD.
15:3 who does not slander with his tongue, and does no evil to his friend, nor takes up a reproach against his neighbor;
5:13 Besides that, they learn to be idlers, gadding about from house to house, and not only idlers but gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.
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Deb |
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October 13, 2007 at 12:11pm |
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Very good blog Shannon. I will take this opportunity to plug a blog I wrote about this subject a couple of months ago :) Gossip or Prayer Request? I am guilty of it as well, and I have had to catch myself a few times and ask myself is this something you should be talking about? There are just some things we should take the time to think about before we say something. |
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Great Post as usual Shannon. 1:5 But if any of you lacketh wisdom, let him ask of God, who giveth to all liberally and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. I think we often know in our heart when what comes out of our mouth is motivated by fear or love. I find personally lately that I've entirely lost my sence of humor in an effort to bridle my tongue. Sometimes we have to discuss how to aproach someone with loving correction at least I do. 'cause I'm not bright enough to walk a christian walk alone.
But if I'm wondering about what's on my heart I often post something on the net and see what comes back.
Long story short thanks for your input sister. |
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| This is a good blog Shannon. It shows a strong desire to see correction in your life. Not that I'm saying you need it, rather it appears your conviction is from the Holy Spirit... |
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| When I catch myself , I just ask to be forgiven. Sometimes I forget. But as for me I don't really like talking. I like to write / type. Also, the only shopping I like to do is in a book store or office supply store, all other shopping becomes dreadful. :-} |
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and the sad part is that christians spread gossip by digusing it as "prayer requests."
eg. "did you hear about so and so, did you see so and so, etc and etc."
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Blenda~ Thanks. You always so say much in just a few words that are always precise & powerful. Deb~ I hadn't realized that you blogged this already. I tried your link, but it didn't work. Dave~You are very bright and your words are packed with wisdom. You said, "I find personally lately that I've entirely lost my sence of humor in an effort to bridle my tongue.". This was my thoughts EXACTLY this afternoon. However , I enjoy goof'n around too much, so I dont know if i could completly shut down. I feel so convicted right now I hope that will be my compass in my future discussions. Mike~ Thank you, If you say its a good blog, THEN ITS A GOOD BLOG. You are the blog MAN! LOL. Its funny, the more HE talks to me about Leadership opportunities, the more HE exposes as unacceptable behavior. If I cant be a good steward of MyChurch blogging, how shall I expect HIM to hand over a microphone to thousands of ppl? Steph~ I thought I was safe, like you in writing. However, even in writting I think I have gotten caught in the web. I account much of it to a loack of knowledge. "My ppl persih for lack of knowledge.". I just didn't realize what I was doing could be considered gossip, because I have heard & seen it all my life. It seemed normal. BUT if I honest think about what Dave said, we really do know better because we weigh things out through the meter of love. Jer~THIS is very common. I think Deb had some good things to say about that on her blog that didn't successfully link here in my blog. We'll have to look hers up.
The funny thing is, God used a person that I thought was my adversary to show me this areas that need improvement in my life. I DO NOT agree with ALOT of things this person is saying, but the TRUTH parts did hit my spirit. That would simply be good christian conduct. Gossip is not a fruit of the spirit. I do not feel like I am a habitual gossiper. I just feel like I could easily get sucked in a converstion that may be deemed gossip.
Hey, I appreciate you guys. WE ARE GOING TO ANOTHER LEVEL!
Shan~ |
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Shannon! I am so very excited for you. I know you may not feel so good, but sister friend, you ought to be rejoicing right about now. Conviction is not a bad thing... it shows us the areas in our lives that need work. This is God's Grace and mercy. Praise Him! This is how we grow! Praise Him!
Are you to lose your sense of humor - you better not! Think about this, the Lord chose you, as you... be who you are... just know that who you are - you are still (as we all are) a "work in progress!"
Pastor Aminata |
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| Man, you sure did some research, eh? This is something that I have often talked to with my bestfriend, because she was accussed of such too. I think really if we aren't part of the problem or part of the solution, then we need to stay out of it...I didn't make that up, I read that in a column in the paper I saved. We are suppose to speak words of life and not death. I certainly think repeating good reports about people is a great thing to spread! But if it's anything else, even remotely negative that has nothing to do with us, we probably shouldn't partake. Sometimes i think we pawn things off as saying, "Well, I want to know so I can pray for them." I think we deceive ourselves. If so-and-so isn't a great mother and you say that, you have judged her. I could give a million examples, but I won't. I still get caught into this without even realizing it until I start to feel like crap. Words of life uplift, words of death kill us and them! Good blog, good topic. Amen. Oh, and we need to pray that God will give us the confidence to walk away from gossip. |
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| Shannon this is just plain an awsome topic to bring up. |
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JayKTX |
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October 13, 2007 at 8:27pm |
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A good blog and lots of thought-provoking comments here as well. This is a serious topic, one easy to fall into. And losing one's sense of humor in the process - well I guess I can't say that's a "serious" topic but I think it's a valid point, something we have to consider. Obviously the Holy Spirit is talking to you, Shannon, and some of the rest of us and he knows where to draw the line. If what we say hurts someone, it is obviously wrong to say it, other times it may be more subtle - a grieving of the Holy Spirit. |
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Shannon, I did notice that the definition missed a thing or two. Let's see, how's that go...women gossip, men pass along information. Yea, that's how I heard it defined, I knew I could remember it of I tried! Great post, I'll give you a star if you tell me why.......oops sorry, TMI needed! |
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When I think of gossip, I always think of one of those huge lessons that I learned at the age of five. For me, it was a life changing event that occurred in a movie theater while watching the movie Bambi. Flower said, "Mama told me, If you can't say nothin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." It stuck; Flower's deep wisdom has been engrained in my psyche ever since. :) Love you, Shannon! |
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Pastor Ami~ Yes, I am rejoicing sister! I feel joy today, but the day of conviction was not joyous! Spankins hurt, but the life lessons produce gold. HalleluYAH! Worship was even better today because I felt free-er in the spirit but getting rid of a little more junk. JayKTX~ Hey girl! Glad you stopped in to share your thoughts on the matter. Dennis!!! I dont get it????What is TMI? Birdie~ AH! Iove cartoons too. I have learned many lessons through great animated films. Thanks for swing'n in to my blog. Love you too!
Love you all! Shan~ |
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| Well you know what I heard about it? hehehe |
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I SOOOO appreciate your humor Pastor Donetta! I am glad you are my Pastor.
Love you, Shannon |
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Awesome post, I can't really say much else, everything seems to already have been said! Blessings!! |
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Devra |
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October 17, 2007 at 10:49am |
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Have to be honest, I liked you blog, but didn't make it through all the definitions, debates, etc. I think your supposed to do your best to be uplifting about people and don't share personal information in a way that's easy to target someone. Like, I could share something you and I enjoyed, but I should say my friend and I... no names. It's hard to keep a guard, anyway. What do you think you should do if you're not gossipping, but someone you're with is??? How do you interrupt the cycle in a righteously? |
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Right. Thats what I was wondering. TK & John Clark said to just interupt with something like, " Did you see that game last night?' or " Wow, the weather is ________(fill in the blanks.)". That is a nice way to change the subject.
Anybody else got a good idea on how to get out of a gossip situation? |
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Rosie |
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October 21, 2007 at 4:17am |
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| WELL SHANNON LATELY I SAY NOT INTERESTED AND WALK AWAY IF THEY DON'T CHANGE THE CONVERSATION......... |
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