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| SHAME |
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Pastor Dave gave an incredible sermon on Sunday... about shedding light on our addictions and hidden sins. This included not only sins we committed, but sins committed against us. He touched on several sins: drug addiction, eating disorders, sexual abuse, pornography addiction, alcohol dependency, gambling...
He encouraged us to confess our hidden sins to someone and shed light on the dark corners of our lives. I sat enraptured by his message. He shared the "may he who is without sin cast the first stone" story (found in John 8). Jesus shows his ridiculous love by not condemning the woman, and calling everyone else out as sinners as well. As a result, not only was she saved from stoning, but her soul was saved. Could you imagine being that woman??
The last several years have been ones where the dark parts of my life and my past came to exposure. A big part of my journey has been releasing the shame surrounding the various "dark" events and actions in my life both before and after they were exposed. It's something I still struggle with today, so I thought I'd talk some about that. I used to think that shame was the same as embarrassment or guilt, but as it turns out, they are very different. Someone once put it this way for me, and it made sense:
Embarrassment is feeling foolish for what you've done. Guilt is feeling like what you've done is wrong. Shame is feeling like who you are is wrong.
"While guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one's actions, shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person." - Therapists Fossum and Mason in the book FACING SHAME.
It's also important to note that it's okay to feel all of those things. Embarrassment can be healthy. Guilt can be healthy. Shame can be healthy. These feelings become a problem when they cross the line and become maladaptive. When they no longer serve a purpose and are actually hindering the healing process, feelings of shame need to be looked at more seriously. "Toxic Shame" is just that - TOXIC. It infects and it kills.
I am a firm believer that one of the first steps to releasing shame IS exposure. I believe that an action, behavior, or secret has less power once it has been confessed to another person. This is not to say that the act of confession will automatically disolve the shame in our hearts. BUT, it's a good first move.
So, I'm going to "confess" some hidden sins right now. These are already out in the open to most people in my life, but I feel it's important to put it up here. If you feel comfortable doing the same, and it won't cause harm to yourself or others, I encourage you to share some of the darker parts of your life. We're all imperfect. We all sin. We've all had sins committed againsts us. We all have shame and need the redemption that only Christ can offer.
I am a sexual abuse survivor.
I'm a recovering drug addict, cutter, anorexic/bulimic.
I still struggle with eating disordered thoughts to this day.
What about you? Do you have areas of your life where shame has taken up residence? What's one hidden sin you've looked at in the face, or are willing to look at now? Who can you share it with?
Christ wants to take our shame and fear from us. He wants us to live lives free from the bondage of sin. He wants to cleanse us from unrighteousness and wants to forgive us! Jesus did not come to condemn. He came to save. He came to let us walk in the light, rather than be consumed by darkness.
1:5 This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light and in him is no darkness at all. 1:6 If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not live according to the truth; 1:7 but if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. 1:8 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Lord, thank you for your forgiveness and your healing. Thank you for bearing our sin and guilt and shame on the cross. Thank you for taking those things from us. I ask that you be with each and every person who reads this... I ask that you shed light into the dark parts of their souls. I ask that you expose these areas and let your light fill them. I ask for healing, Lord... healing that only YOU can provide. Thank you for your many blessings and for your continued forgiveness. We are not worthy, yet you give us this great gift. I pray that we may release our shame and walk in the light with you.
Amen. |
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| To add a comment to "SHAME" |
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| October 16, 2007 |
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Kyleen, You have a blog with a few things that are really tough for most of us to address. That's probably why nobody's written anything. Noby's going to answer your challenge. I have to give you all sorts of credit for having the guts to get up there and say what you said. I know I don't feel comfortable talking about my shames.
Wow. I'm still blown away. All I can say is "thank you so much for sharing some of your innermost feelings and having the confidence that people are not going to step all over them. You are quite a testimony.
Peace! |
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| October 17, 2007 |
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| Thanks Gene! Ha, if you think my blog is tough... you should've heard the sermon that sparked these thoughts! :-p But thanks for the support. And I'm getting better at sharing some of my "innermost feelings" with confidence... because even if people do try to step all over them, I have God in my corner. Whom then shall I fear, right? Thanks again! |
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| October 17, 2007 |
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| 48 reads and 1 comment?? I'll bite for you Kyleen. I'm a recovered alcoholic and meth addict which God has completely healed me of. I used to self-mutilate, I've had abortions, I've struggled with eating disorders. The beauty about our past and perhaps our present, is that God has the power to heal us and to use those struggles in our lives for his kingdom. Who would have thought that I would be working with young people that have those same struggles. What a testimony it is to be able to say that God has healed me...and God can heal YOU! My prayer is that many more will admit to their sin. If not publicly here, then perhaps to someone you trust...but post that you've done it. Let us know so we can pray for your healing. God Bless you ALL! |
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| October 17, 2007 |
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| I give you credit for addressing your hidden sins. I wish I could mine, but the worst thing I ever did involves someone else, (my husband), and we have addressed the problem and gotten our marriage back on track, so I don't feel the need to unburden myself. I have been forgiven and I have forgiven myself. But I sure do know the feeling of shame. I lived with it for many years. Thanks for sharing what Pastor Dave shared with you. |
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| October 18, 2007 |
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Thanks guys... I know this is a tough subject.
Cheryl - you've quickly become an inspiration of mine. Your life gives me great hope for the things to come in my own. You are truly a blessing an your life is such a testimony. God has done, and will continue to do, great things in your life. I'm blessed to have you in mine, and so is everyone else.
Deb - Forgiveness is such a huge thing, and you addressed something that I still perhaps need work on: forgiveness from SELF. I'm glad that you now life free from shame and the burden of it. God bless! |
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| October 18, 2007 |
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| Confession of sin is a biblical idea... but I do agree that if we were to confess for every minute thing we did, in thought or action, we'd be like Martin Luther who spent all day, every day in confession. Confession in the sense that I was proposing was not only for forgiveness. I've already been forgiven for my sins and for the things I spoke about in this entry (and everything else for that matter)... I'm proposing the idea of confession for shedding light on these things, and for releasing the shame around them. By confessing to another person the things which cause us to feel ashamed, it in some way strips the power from it. Confession isn't only so that God will forgive us, but I do think that it promotes honesty, healing, accountability, and freedom. |
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| October 18, 2007 |
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You win the blog of the week! Awesome job. Thank you for challenging me to ask the Holy Spirit and search my heart.
Blessings,
Pastor Tim |
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| October 18, 2007 |
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Whoops,
My wife used the computer before me!
I wife have to log on and give you another star! |
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| October 18, 2007 |
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| Haha, thanks Pastor Tim! I was confused for a moment, but I remembered seeing her in your picture, so I put 2 and 2 together. Thanks for the extra star, though! And for the encouragement. God bless :) |
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| October 29, 2007 |
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I agree with everything stated, but I want to stress one thing. The Bible states that healing cannot happen without other people involved.
James 5:16 (Amp)
Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working]. |
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| October 29, 2007 |
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| ^ AMEN! |
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