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| Hitting A Bump In The Road |
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I am slipping into a depression, or perhaps I should say I am already there. The Lord has impressed upon me that I have a few things I need to deal with, and I think this is His way of getting me to address them. So I am going to do so here, over the next few writings.
The first thing I want to address is that I am a complainer. I complain about everything it seems. My father was like that, and I guess it is natural for me to do it because that is the behavior that was modeled to me by my parents. My mom did it too, especially when she got older. I catch myself doing it, and tell myself I don't want to be like my dad, and then I straighten up for a while. Eventually though, I am doing it again. It is a habit, not something that I need to do, and something that with discipline, I should be able to stop.
The person that seems to get the brunt of it is my husband, and of course, he gets a little discouraged by it. I don't mean to imply that he is not a good man, or that he doesn't pull his weight around here, but I do get frustrated with how busy he is with work, and how things don't get done around here. So that comes out in complaints, and one thing evolves to another, and before you know it we are fighting.
I have decided that I need to figure out a way to stop complaining. If I can't find something encouraging to say, then I need to just keep my mouth shut. This is a big challenge for me, but one that I feel the Lord is telling me to do. It is something I am going to have to be conciously aware of, and constantly on guard against, so that I don't fall back into old habits.
I don't have to wait until my husband is available to do some of the things that need doing, and can do them myself if need be. The Lord will give me the strength to do what needs to be done, and all other things will just have to wait. 4:13 I can do all things in him who strengthens me.
Writing this down for all to see is humbling to me, but it is something I feel the need to do. I know there are times that complaints are warranted, but not when they tear someone else down. It seems that is when words are the most hurtful, and can destroy relationships. I don't seem to have this problem with "friends", but mostly with my husband. I guess it is those people that are closest to us, that we are around the most, that get the brunt of our emotions, good or bad.
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heaert be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock an dmy Redeemer." Psalms 19:14
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Deb,
As you grow in the Lord, you will find your greatest strength comes from being transparent. Please allow me of offer a suggestion that will aid in your spiritual character development. When you feel the urge to complain, right then on the spot say this, "Lord I feel it again, that urge to complain. Please help me see through your eyes this situation, teach me how to give praise, how to be thankful and grateful for all I do have, because truly it is in my heart."
Deb our complaints are just a smoke-screen to take our focus off of God, and is a back-door approach to denying how blessed we truly are; it's just another trick of the enemy. I hope this will be helpful to you.
Pastor Aminata |
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Deb |
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November 07, 2007 at 11:05am |
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| Pastor Aminata, thank you so much for your comments. Yes, I think this will be helpful for me. I am truly wanting to make some improvements, and this will help. Bless you. |
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| I come by my complaining "honestly" too, but the fact of the matter is it is a serious thing! Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks! And when you speak negative stuff, you feel negative, and when you speak positive stuff, you feel positive! This is not a judgement against you. We have the same struggle. But we need to keep quoting Scriptures such as one the Lord gave me about letting my words "minister grace to the hearers." As a Veggie tales song goes, "A thankful heart is a happy heart." When we complain, it shows we are ungrateful. The Lord, where He has asked you to stop, He has given you the grace to do it. And He has given me the grace too. We just need to walk in faith, that it is obtainable! Jesus came to break the curse, and that includes generational and habits. I am with you, sister. I will pray for you what I pray for me regarding such things. Love your honesty very much. It is nice to know I am not alone in this. We are MORE THAN conquerers!!! We will overcome this, and have abundant joy!!!! |
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Deb |
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November 07, 2007 at 11:10am |
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Lara, thank you!!! You don't know what your words mean to me. To know I am not alone in this struggle is so comforting. I will pray for you as well, and may we both defeat the enemy! |
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| God be good to you for all you ar trying to do and may the holy spirit comfort and aid you by teaching you new ways to live with Jesus. Evey day with Jesus is sweeter than the day before. |
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Gene |
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November 07, 2007 at 11:21am |
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Deb,
I pray that you will come up out of your "funk" and feel the strength that God has for you. i have a friend who has clinical depression and a family member who is bi-polar. So depression I understand. There is little that can be said that will make any difference. Mostly its just that people DO say something.
Know that you are loved and cared for by our Father and that His Holy Spirit walks with us daily to build up and encourage. And, don't consider it so much "complaining" as "less than complementary encouragement." :-)
Peace! |
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Deb |
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November 07, 2007 at 11:24am |
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Valerie, thank you for your encouraging words.
Gene, I have dealt with depression before. I have been diagnosed with PMDD, which I will let you look up on the internet to discover what it means :) I am on antidepressants, but they don't seem to be helping right now. Perhaps it is the shorter days, I am not sure...but I am fighting it. And I really do appreciate your encouragement!!!! As well as everyone else's. Thank you. |
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| Hi Deb, thanks for your honesty, you must really think highly of us all! You know people have already started praying for you. As far as the depression thing, more people experience that than anyone gives credit for. i.e. you are NOT ALONE!! :-) |
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JayKTX |
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November 07, 2007 at 12:03pm |
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Deb~ I grew up negative. As in your case, my husband took the brunt of it. I used to feel so bleak and get so discouraged! One day I was lamenting before the Lord and feeling like a failure and asking what I should do. I heard him whisper, "Start over." That made me realize that he was neither surprised nor stressed that I had messed up yet again. He knew I was prone to sin when he called me and he had already provided a way out by His blood, a way for me to "Start over." I'm started over countless times since then and by his grace have come into a better place. (Which doesn't mean I never slip :) I pray for both of us - and others - who identify, that our backward motion will be less and less and that all our slips will soon be swallowed up in victorious living as we look to Him and His word. God is good - he never gave up on me and I know he won't on you either. |
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Deb, a way that I have dealt with complaining is that I find something thankful to say instead without any strings attached. Counselors would always tell me "say something good, then your complaint, then another thing good". Never worked for me. No, I had to outright stop. Period. No complaining. God put it in my heart that if I was complaining I was not content with where He had me and I was complaining to Him. I didn't like that. Not sure if that applies to you at all, but it sure applied to me.
You are right, though. It simply takes discipline. The idea is easy, the walk isn't.
Thanks for being so open and sharing this. That has to be a hard thing to do. |
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Joey |
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November 07, 2007 at 12:28pm |
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| I'm writing to you now. I love you, and I know how to encourage you with this |
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Gene |
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November 07, 2007 at 6:58pm |
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Deb,
I can appreciate your situation - between the PMDD and SAD (which affects me to some degree) which is the result of the shorter days, this time of year must be a challenge. I know those Ohio winters can seem long and dreary. I spend additional time at work because it is easier for me to function with the lights on than to get in the car and drive through the dark.
Keep on keeping on!
Peace! |
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| Deb, I too appreciate your honesty. Because you are humbling yourself to be honest, I believe you are on the road to "recovery". I agree with the comments of those above, also. I am on the other side of things on this issue. My husband is the chronic complainer, and I get the brunt of it, for seemingly no reason other than the fact that I'm here. I pray for him, because I don't want to complain back at him for doing it. That would do no good. I'll say a prayer for you. Know that I do not think less of you. We all have our "struggles" and issues. You're no different from any of the rest of us. We're all on the journey together! :) Blessings, Deb! ~ Chris |
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| I admire your honesty and you've taken the first step in overcoming by admitting your situation. I have found that if I take my eyes off the situation and put them on the Lord (through prayer, bible study, praising) then I am able to truly give control of all of lifes situations to the Lord and trust me He does a much better job then me in dealing with issues. He will lovingly guide you and heal you. I will be praying for you and God Bless You. |
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Joey |
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November 07, 2007 at 11:14pm |
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| Deb, how are you doing? |
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Deb,
My heart goes out to you and I will be keeping in my prayers. Sometimes when I get in a rut, I write down in my spiritual journal all the blessings that I can think of that God has bestowed upon me. This reminds me how blessed I am. |
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| Deb, we are looking for you...you doing ok? |
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DeboraJ |
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November 08, 2007 at 8:25am |
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| Praying... |
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Deb |
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November 08, 2007 at 12:27pm |
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Mike, I consider the people on here my friends, and I do think that you are all great spiritual leaders and advisors. I have learned a lot from the blogs I have read by many, and the comments that have been left on my blogs. Thank you for your comments and encouragement.
Jay, thank you...isn't it wonderful that we can start over? And I have, a lot. Thanks for sharing your struggles. It is nice to know I am not alone.
DC, I think part of the reason I am having to face this right now, is because I realize that my complaints are going to God too, and like you said, that means I am not content with where God has me, and I really am. I just need to stop this cycle, and discipline is the only way I can see to do it. Thanks for your encouragement.
Joey, I got your note, and will respond to you personally.
Restore, I did have blood work done not too long ago (including thyroid), and unless something new has turned up since then, things were normal. I thank you for your encouraging words...it means a lot.
Gene, yes SAD has to be contributing. It has been so dreary here the last week. Not much sun at all, and of course the days are growing shorter...
Christine, thank you for your kind words. I am sorry that you are on the other side! How hard that must be, just knowing what my husband goes through with me, I can imagine what you are dealing with. My prayers are with you as well.
Cheryl, thank you for your prayers. I put on a praise cd today and sang along, even though I didn't much feel like singing. It did make me feel better.
Pastor Tim, I will try what you suggested in my journal time today. I think sometimes if we concentrate on the positive things that it helps us to feel better...it is just hard to do that sometimes!
DeboraJ, thank you for your prayers...
Tropical Guy, ah, that "selfishness" word really sets my teeth on edge. lol Yes, I am selfish, and that is where I start to get into trouble. A lot of things go back to that...thank you for all you said. I am amazed at the response this blog has received.
Thank you everyone for your prayers and encouragement. |
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Deb |
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November 08, 2007 at 12:49pm |
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| Tropical Guy, I agree, I am responsible for my bad decisions. Even if satan does throw some of the temptations in the mix, we still have the ability to choose the right way. I appreciate your encouragement. |
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| I think we've all been there. At least you acknowledge you complain, as we all do at one time or another. I think are doing good to allow yourself to grow as you go through the bump in the road and you seem to know it's only temporary. Good blog! |
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Deb |
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November 12, 2007 at 9:39am |
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| Yahschild, thank you for your comments. I do think we all do complain to an extent, but I also know what the extremes can be and how they can make a person feel. I don't want to be on the receiving end, nor do I want to make someone feel badly, so it is with a great deal of discipline that I am working on this particular fault of mine. |
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| I for one will be honest that there are times i do complain. and i know it wont make thing better but worse. so I ask God to help me with that. |
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Deb |
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November 18, 2007 at 10:45am |
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| Woman of joy, I am asking God for help right along with you! Complaining becomes a habit, and it is much easier to do it than to change. God help us both! |
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