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As I stated in my last blog, I want to share some things that I have been wrestling with. Things that I feel in order to have true inner peace and the best relationship with my Lord that I can, I need to address, and put them behind me once and for all.
I have unforgiveness in my heart. There have been people who have done things to me in the past, who have hurt me in one way or another, who I still hold accountable for their misdeeds. Not only hold accountable, but hold them hostage to those deeds. The hurt is deep, and the people who hurt me were ones that I trusted explicitly, who are some of my closest friends and family.
I have had to learn to forgive myself for my mistakes in the past, which have been many and big. It took me a long time to do that, so I don’t expect that I can forgive others any easier than I forgave myself, but I know that unless I do it, my relationships with these people will be forever strained. My question is, how do I forgive? I know how I forgave myself, and it was through Jesus Christ, that I did it. I could not have done it on my own. I still and always will have regrets for the things I have done, but with God’s help, I will not make the mistake of repeating them again! I am a new person in Christ. He has forgiven me, and He has helped me to forgive myself. I believe that to the depths of my being. It was a long time in coming, but I felt the fresh water of cleansing wash over me when it finally came. I know that the amount of forgiveness I give to others will be reflected by the amount that God forgives me.
6:14 For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you; 6:15 but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
But how do I forgive others?
I think it is easy to forgive someone if they are truly sorry for their mistakes or the things they did to cause the pain, and you can usually tell those that are sincere by their actions. But there are those who are NOT sorry, who perhaps continue to do things to cause pain... how do you forgive them? Especially those that are close to you? The wounds are even deeper when they are inflicted by the people who are closest to us. Much harder to overcome. Much harder to heal.
I made the realization a while ago that I have been holding onto things. When I said I forgave, I didn’t actually let it go. These things have continued to bubble just below the surface, and are starting to spill over into other areas of my life. I can no longer keep them out of sight. I have to bring them into the light, and find a way to hand them over to God, and not take them back. 18:23 "Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 18:24 When he began the reckoning, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents; 18:25 and as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 18:26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, 'Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.' 18:27 And out of pity for him the lord of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. 18:28 But that same servant, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat he said, 'Pay what you owe.' 18:29 So his fellow servant fell down and besought him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you.' 18:30 He refused and went and put him in prison till he should pay the debt. 18:31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. 18:32 Then his lord summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you besought me; 18:33 and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?' 18:34 And in anger his lord delivered him to the jailers, till he should pay all his debt. 18:35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."
I know what I am supposed to do, and I even want to do it, but my question is HOW do I do it? I have been praying constantly about this, because I truly don't want this to continue. Yet it seems, everytime I think I have let it go, it comes back, and I am dealing with it again.
I am fairly certain that this is something that is shared by others who might be reading this. We cannot go through life without getting hurt by someone. Has anyone found a way to deal with their hurts and the best way to forgive? I know no forgiveness can take place without the help of God. I am just waiting on Him to lead me on my way...maybe He might use some of you to do that. Please share your thoughts on ways to truly forgive the hardest to forgive.
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| To add a comment to "Another Bump..." |
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| November 09, 2007 |
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| Thanks Jack. I am indeed learning, God is refining me in His fire. I know that this whole process I am going through right now will lead to growth, and being more like Him. |
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| November 09, 2007 |
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Deb my love it is Hard and it is Simple you have to let Go and let God.
I to have a GRAND hole in My forgiving I have to somehow let the CATHOLIC CHURCH AND THE POPE know I forgive them and pray continuously for them. I supose it will be in the form of a letter I will send or a Catholic confessional I do not quite know maybe both. I don't think that will make me Catholic I am a Christian no other denominational tag will i take though my current home church is baptist and I have to keep reminding the pastor I am a Christian not a Baptist as I know Christ is not divided. |
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| November 09, 2007 |
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| Valerie, thank you...I am working towards a greater goal, and will overcome this with the help of my Lord. I appreciate your advice, and sharing a piece of yourself. |
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| November 09, 2007 |
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One of the definitions of forgiveness means: "To release one from the penalty of debt"
Perhaps you are waiting on these persons to make things right with you. It may be hard to do but you have to remind yourself that to really forgive them means to not expect anything from them.
Jesus paid our debt. We are forgiven and his forgiveness requires nothing of us.
I have some notes on forgiveness from a class I took not too long ago. I wish I were at home because there are some great lessons contained therein. If you are interested, I could share some of these with you later.
I wrote a blog entitled "Unforgiveness Will Eat Your Lunch". You are welcome to read it.
One thing I do know is that whatever you choose to hold on to is really holding on to you. The things you are holding captive are captivating you.
I feel for you. But I promise that once you are able to find that release immediate peace comes in it's place.
Sorry, this wasn;t exactly much help. Just know that I have been in those shoes and walked therein until the soles wore out. After the blisters healed I decided to decide to forgive.
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| November 09, 2007 |
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| I have sent a private message and am praying for you. |
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| November 09, 2007 |
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Micahel, Thank you for your thoughts. I would like to see some of the notes you have on forgiveness, whenever you get the time to share them. I took a look at your blog and found it very informing. Thank you again for commenting.
Jay, I will respond to your message separately. |
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| November 09, 2007 |
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| Deb, Thanks for your openess, it helps to see that you can forgive others and I think it is important to forgive yourself. I know prople who have been forgiven by others and still have not forgave themselfs. |
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| November 09, 2007 |
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| Keep asking, and go to God in prayer. Seek Him in all things, Deb. Love, Joey |
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| November 09, 2007 |
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Forgiveness
The selfishness of another stole my innocence
For the wrong done to me there is no defense
I have a right to feel these things that I feel
I don't know if from this injury I will ever heal
The walls of my hurt are thick and unforgiving
As I barely survive instead of abundant living
Behind bars of bitterness I refuse to expose
A wounded heart that too well of betrayal knows
Unforgiveness is a crime in which the victim pays
Where the guilty walk away and the innocent stays
Forgiveness is a choice that aborts the power of sin
Forgiveness allows the process of healing to begin
Just because we've forgiven we have not forgot
Though the hurt remains the bondage does not
Forgiveness is a key that sets the prisoner free
From the hurt and damage that was done to me
Allowing me to walk freely in spite of what was done
In places where I could not walk now I freely run
Forgiveness is a sacrifice and a gift received
It is only discovered by those who have believed
.....peace..... |
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| November 09, 2007 |
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Deb, my heart goes out to you... I have been there and I know how much it hurts. I found that once I realized that forgiveness did not mean I condoned the action but that I was forgiving the person, just as Jesus forgave me, then I was able to forgive in my heart and meant it. As far as people that continue with hurtful things, I believe we still must forgive the person not their actions but, I also believe there are times and circumstances when you must remove yourself from that person. (Hope that makes sense) It is painful to be hurt especially by family and close friends but we are not responsible for their actions only our own. I love you and I will be praying for you.
I thought the poem submitted by apureheart was wonderful. |
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| November 09, 2007 |
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Deb,
Thanks again for being transparent and putting yourself out in a place where you are so vulnerable. My hat is off to you for that huge step.
It certainly is easiest when people repent and ask our forgiveness. Then, if we don't forgive, it is all in our lap, isn't it? At least that is the way we look at it. However, to be Godly in forgiveness, we need to forgive BEFORE the person asks. It is indeed a matter of the heart that we choose to forgive even if they don't want it or never ask for it. That, my friend, is the heart of the matter.
If you haven't already done so, sit down with your journal and write a letter to each individual you want to forgive. This will probably be painful, so give yourself plenty of time and have a couple of prayer partners holding you in prayer while you do it. Write it in as much detail as you can and tell the person you forgive them for what they did, said, or didn't do. When you are done with writing the first one, then I want you to take a couple of very difficult steps. Go to a quiet space where you can read the letter out loud. Declare your forgiveness. Then rip the pages out of your journal and burn them. Make sure they burn completely. Then declare with your words (out loud) that just as God has blotted out the forgiven sins of others, you are blotting out the sins you have forgiven, too. You certainly have no power over the other individuals, but their sins have power over you. You know that which is why you are at the place where you want to forgive. Sure the burning thing is symbolic, but it helps put action to your written and spoken words.
I hope this helps. It comes from experience. |
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| November 09, 2007 |
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But how do I forgive others? Here's how God helped me forgive the people who abused me. I was thinking about the cross one day, and I thought "Jesus is nuts." I thought of the ways I've been abused: physically; emotionally; spiritually (people misusing the Bible to oppress me); manipulation; etc... I realized Jesus had gone through all of that, and had experienced more of that than I will ever have to. Then, and this one was painful, I realized that I had done all of that to him, in one way or another. I would never had asked to go through the abuse I did, but Jesus came to earth with the goal of being abused by my sin. He thought setting me free was worth enduring my abuse. Then I realized somethings else painful. Jesus died for everyone who abused me, and took the full penalty of their sin as well. That means their sin is paid for too. Ouch! I find it possible to forgive my abusers for two reasons: 1) Jesus had been through more, and still forgave them; 2) every sin against my I have to forgive has already been paid for (if I continue to hold it against them I'm, in a sense, working against God. That ain't gonna work.). |
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| November 09, 2007 |
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Hi Deb,
I mentioned earlier that I had some notes on forgiveness from a previous class. I decided to post them as a blog as the entire lesson is rather lenghty. I pray that this lesson will offer some promises and principles that will help you in this area.
Michael
Forgiveness |
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| November 10, 2007 |
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| I think that the Word is clear that we should pray for those who do us wrong. This begins the forgiveness process. I think it is also important to ask the Lord to show us how to forgive people. No one knows about forgiveness more than our forgiving Lord! |
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| November 10, 2007 |
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| I enjoyed the blog and all the replies. Thanks to all! |
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| November 10, 2007 |
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Faithrock, forgiving ourselves is important, and for me, it is a daily thing. I do something stupid every day, and need to cut myself some slack so I am not so hard on myself. Thank God we get to start over new each day.
Joey, thank you. I have been keeping Him really close.
apureheart, wow, what a magnificent poem. I am assuming that you wrote it? Allowing me to walk freely in spite of what was done In places where I could not walk now I freely run This is great, and where I am aiming to be...
Cheryl, I have heard that man, even close friends and family, will let you down at one time or another, but God will never let you down. He is the only one we can really count on, and I take comfort in that.
DC, thank you for your suggestions. I am going to try it. I did that a long time ago when my dad died. I had some things to forgive him for, but didn't make things right before he died. So one of the things I did was write a letter to him. That is a great way to forgive someone who is no longer here, but I never thought of doing it with those that are still in our lives (without actually sending it). Thanks.
Jess, thank you for your comments. I think the most important thing I got out of your message is
every sin against my I have to forgive has already been paid for (if I continue to hold it against them I'm, in a sense, working against God. That ain't gonna work.). | I have to remember that if I don't forgive, then I am working against God. Like you said, that isn't going to work!
Michael, I went and took a look at your blog, and it was very informative. Thank you for sharing it!!
Sue, you are right, no one knows how to forgive better than our Lord.
Realtor Randy, glad you enjoyed the blog and replies. I hope you got something out of it! |
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| November 10, 2007 |
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| Well, Deb, you have a lot of wisdom here...now the hard part... |
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| November 11, 2007 |
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| Praying for you Deb. I am going thru a struggle with this as well. Thank you for the blog, it is especially hard though when it is your own flesh and blood that hurts you. But God will get you through this as I know He will me, and we will be much stronger for it. |
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| November 11, 2007 |
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Someone once told me that forgiveness just means you are turning the problem over to God for Him to handle. It's not that you are saying whatever happened to you was OK, just that there is really nothing more you can do about it.
Beth Moore has a CD on forgiveness. If you are interested just go to her website and search for "forgiveness." I think it's only $7 plus shipping. Sometimes hearing the words of someone who has walked this path can be a great help. Blessings! |
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| November 12, 2007 |
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DC, I don't know about wisdom...I am learning, but I wouldn't say I am wise yet...
Denise, I am praying for you as well. We must forgive, and somehow with God's help, we will find a way.
Pastor Tim, I took a look at your blog that you wrote on Forgiveness, and found it very informative. Thank you for the link.
Soozanne, I am a big fan of Beth Moore, so I will take a look at the cd on forgiveness. Thank you for sharing it with me. |
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| November 29, 2007 |
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| Alissa, thank you so much for your comments. It is hard to share some of the things I write, but yet at the same time, I think of the people that might benefit from it, and if I feel led by God to write about it, then it must be important to someone. You are so right, we need to fill up our hearts and minds with Jesus, and not all the junk that has happened in the past. Amen! |
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