| Traumatic Amputation |
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I've got a pretty tough stomach when it comes to blood and guts. I can read/listen to/type just about anything, and I have -- particularly in the evenings when I am dealing mostly with the E.R. However, the one thing that makes me queasy every time is a "traumatic amputation". Those reports are hard for me to stomach.
These past couple of weeks have been particularly difficult for me. Although I have been separated for 2.5 years, the first two Christmas seasons held hope that things could turn around. There was plenty of room for denial.
However, that is not the case now. I have come face to face with the reality that things are never going to be the same -- and even though I do not want him back now, it is still gut wrenching. Facing this Christmas alone is very hard.
This weekend, my older children are with their dad, some his family and of course his girlfriend at a University of Alabama football game. It is incredibly painful to deal with it. I am supposed to be there -- all of us -- as one big happy family -- but instead - I've been replaced. Last night I just cried and cried and then cried some more. I just kept telling God that this is *NOT* how it's supposed to be.
Of course God knows that this is not how it's supposed to be. His plan was that the two shall become one flesh. Now, if the two are one flesh, and then they are separated - it's literally like an amputation -- a traumatic one -- just like the sickening/horrifying ones that I transcribe. Obviously, it is not as physically painful as a traumatic amputation, but emotionally it is just as painful -- and just like a physical amputation, things will be different for the rest of your life.
But, also in the case of a physical amputation, there is a choice to be made. Does the person just give up on life and become stagnant? Or do they become stronger with the body they are left with? I guess I have that same choice, don't I? It's not easy, but I know what I need to do -- I need to become stronger in spite of what has gone on in my life - not let it hinder me for the rest of my life.
This coming Christmas season will be hard -- it already is hard. Please pray for me and my children.... |
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