| Growing pains |
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| I am so thankful that we serve such a Mighty God, and such a loving Father. I have shared with some of you that a month ago God healed me of the pain and hurt of Tim leaving, but I still could not get him out of my mind. I was constantly thinking about him. Where is he, is he still drinking, who is he with, on and on. I would blame the devil, and pray that God would just get Tim out of my mind. On Nov. 11th Randy taught at Training on forgivness.Still trying to lean on my own understanding, I decided that was the problem, I had not truly forgiven Tim. I pondered this for several days, and went to Charles Stanley's website and printed out everything on forgivness.Last Saturday night I finally read them. One was steps on forgiving. Dr. Stanley asked you to read Matthew 18:23-34. he then asked, what made the first servant, who was forgiven his debt, not forgive the second servant? Having read this story many times before and thinking, he is just not a nice man. Well, realizing now that I was that man, I had to think of a kinder reason. I believe The Holy Spirit whispered in my ear, maybe it is because he has not forgiven himself. I did not take this very well, because I had tried so hard to convince myself, and God and everyone it was all Tim. In desperation I drove out to the Church. There in bright letters, a message Call Upon The Lord, and You Will Be Saved. I began to cry out to God and ask him to forgive me for all the things I had not wanted to admit to myself I had done or hadn't done. I also asked Him to help me accept his forgivness. I felt very sad that night, and the next morning, Sunday almost didn't go to early Church. Thank God I did. When we started to pray that morning I closed my eyes and saw darkness, then I saw right in the middle all light up a baby bottle, yes a baby bottle. How strange I thought. God began to reveal the meaning to me. When a baby is hungry or needs changing they cry out. I had needed changing(not that kind), all I had to was cry out to my Father, who is ALWAYS there, and always answers. I also realized while that will never change, it was time for me to grow. Ephesians 4:15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. Thank you Father for growing pains. |
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