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People get tired of hearing me talk about community. But I gotta drop some truth about it's importance for a minute. The more I meet with guys who struggle to overcome destructive, sinful behavior, the more I am convinced that we need each other to make it in this world. So, below I will list how the typical process of sin goes that keeps us stuck in our behaviors.
Everyday we battle our flesh with its bad habbits, destructive thinking, selfish urges and constant temptations.
Temptation is powerful because we are deceived into thinking that these selfish, sinful, destructive behaviors will somehow meet our needs. Often, they feel good as well and we enjoy feeling good. When our days are filled with pain or stress or fear, we long for something that feels good and gives us some form of satisfaction.
Then we commit these acts and are deceived into believing that as a result of our sin, we've been disqualified from our spiritual standing. We feel unworthy of God's mercy and love. We believe we are not welcome in his presence because God does not like ugly.
Instead of seeking solace, comfort, and assurance of our spiritual standing from other believers, we isolate ourselves because we are afraid of anyone judging us unfairly if they knew what we did or thought about. We don't want to be rejected so we say nothing and go on believing the deception.
We are deceived into thinking we must overcome these struggles on our own. So we keep them a secret. We have been deceived into believing that we cannot ask anyone for help because surely no one else struggles with what we do. So we say nothing.
Secrecy is not a form of protection. Rather it is the main ingredient to feeding our behavior. It is like throwing gasoline onto the fire. No matter how much we add to it, we'll never put the fire out, only add to it.
Confession is the first stage to freedom. Confession takes away all of decption's power. It is a practise that gives us the on-going strength to overcome our behaviors. It does so in three ways:
1. Confession exposes the lies we've been believing.
2. Allows others to love us and accept us unconditionally.
3. It allows for the truth to be spoken to us and reminded of our standing in God's family.
The more we understand that we are being deceived, and what the truth is, we will have the power to reject temptations of our flesh.
So please, take advantage of the community God has given you, it is a powerful tool to help you walk in freedom.
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I was reminded in worship the other day what a truly mighty God we serve. We sing about his might and his power. We talk about it because it is true and applicable. But is it practical? How does it help me in my everyday life? My wife and I are in the middle of a difficult season financially. I do not know why. I have prayed and sought and can't seem to get an answer. Maybe it's a test of our faith, we've had a lot of those over the years. Maybe it's because of unconfessed sin. Maybe it's because of our economy and it's affects on those who support our ministry financially. It could be any number of things or a combination of them. But regardless of the cause, the suffering is unpleasant. I had to pawn some tools today to buy toilet paper and dishwasher detergent. We haven't eaten out at a restaurant in over a month. Last month we had some utitilities turned off. We are currently sharing one car while the other one sits waiting to be fixed.
I do not share these things seeking pity or anything. They are simply examples of how bad things are. I am grateful to God that He does not abandon us in the midst of difficult circumstances. He provided us with a bunch of groceries through a partnering church and I praise Him for it. But what I realized lately was that my God is mighty. He is all-knowing, all-powerful, always present. He is aware of our needs and our desires and He is faithful to keep His promises to us. Today, I am clinging to that mighty God because He said he will take care of my family. I am reminded of Job who suffered the loss of everything including his family, wallowed in his anguish, regreted even being born, yet had done nothing wrong. He was changed forever as a result and strengthened further in his trust of God.
Here is the passage I have pondering lately:
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice and the earth melts.
The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress . . . Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted on the earth." Psalm 46
Though life may be difficult and you don't have the answers, cling to the Lord Almighty, for He is with you, He sees your trouble, your anguish, your suffering. It's in these difficult times, that we get to witness the mighty power of God and see Him do what only He can do.
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I am in the process of writing a workbook on fatherhood, and I need some help identifying what the purpose of it is for girls and boys. Please read what I have written so-far and give me your comments on what you see a girls need from their dads and what boys need from their dads. Please also let me know if it's alright to borrow some of your comments for my book. The book will be used to empower new (mostly young) dads in the Minneapolis metro area. I am helping develop a program called Father Focus- it's an insentive based program for moms and dads as an alternative to aborting their babies. Any ways, please enjoy, and please reply:
In this exercise we want to focus on what our children really need from us. How can we be fathers who are intentional instead of making it up as we go? That is what we will attempt to answer in this lesson. Again, we value the role of the father, because we see how essential it is in the growth and development of everyone, male or female. And we see what the absence of the father leaves us to do. That is why we want to take the time to look at what our children need from us. It isn’t rocket science, but it does take work.
What girls need from their dads: Girls learn how valuable they are from their dad. It is important for a dad to give his daughter affirmation about how beautiful and special she is. If dad is not there, she is left with this longing to feel special. She will eventually look for that need through relationships with the opposite sex. These can lead to hurtful, harmful relationships or unwanted pregnancy. The number one reason girls plan to have babies as teenagers is that they are looking for someone to love them unconditionally. This is not only an unhealthy view of children it is a direct affect of the absence of their father. The father is who validates his daughter. The way he treats her is the way she will look to be treated by men. If dad abuses her or knowingly fails to protect her from abuse, she will believe this treatment is alright and will accept it as normal. He sets the standard. He is her protector, her provider, but he also defines her as a woman.
My wife grew up in a small town in rural Colorado. She was a farm girl and it was an hour and a half to the big city. Yet every year for Easter, her dad would drive her into the city to buy a new Easter dress. He would encourage to her to pick out the most beautiful dress in the store and would buy it for her. He insisted on buying the nicest and most expensive one because his princess was worth it. I love that story that she tells. It is the perfect picture to illustrate what daughters need from their dads. He showed her how valuable and special she was. Even when she would try and find a nice one that wasn’t as expensive, he insisted she get the more expensive one. Daughters need to learn that they are worth spending money on. They are worth being taken care of; they deserve it and should expect it.
What boys need from their dads: For boys, they look to have the question answered “do I have what it takes to be a man?” If you ask grown men what they long to hear most from their dads, many will say they want to hear their dad say “I am proud of you.” Others would long to hear “I love you.” We struggle with these statements because we battle an image of what it means to be a man. Men are not supposed to show weakness, never ask for help, and certainly don’t trust one another. Because of these beliefs we often fail to show affection to our sons. We fear they may grow up to be gay, so we teach them to suppress their emotions and not show external weakness. This leads to young men looking for ways to prove their manhood by exhorting power, excelling in sports or escaping into video games to prove their manhood. It also can lead to multiple relationships or broken marriages because we are afraid of commitment and anything that limits our manhood. What drives a man to hit a woman? How about his not wanting to be called a punk or be seen as weak? He must prove his manhood to avoid being taken advantage of. I have seen young men want to fight grown men because they thought they were being disrespected and would not submit to authority. Prisons are filled with men who grew up with no father. The welfare system exists because men have gotten themselves into the system and cannot provide for their families. Women believe that they do not need a man to make it in this world.
It’s not just the welfare system or single-parent homes that display the affects of fatherlessness. I know plenty of men who grew up with their dad in the house, but failed to be empowered or called out into manhood by their fathers. Our sons need for us to model to them what it means to be a man. They are always watching us, wanting to be just like us. What kind of example are we setting for them? Are we setting a bad example but hoping that they will simply do what I say, not what I do? That will not be the case. Many men grow up never wanting to be like their father. They fail to break out of the cycle and eventually become the man, husband, father that they never wanted to be. Our sons also need us to validate them as men. I try and affirm my three boys every chance I get. We flex our muscles in the mirror and I tell them they are strong men. What I say to my boys they believe. If I tell them they are weak, they will believe me. If I tell them they are strong and put them in position to prove their strength, they will believe it.
My dad modeled to me what it meant to be a hard worker. I saw plenty of times in life when it appeared to me that he was being treated unfairly, yet he didn’t quit. He endured through difficulty and didn’t take the easy way out. He went through difficult times in order to provide for his family. That’s where I learned the value of commitment. My parents have been married for almost forty years. There were times I wondered if they’d make it. But they modeled to me that commitment is stronger than feelings. You may feel angry, hurt, or disrespected, but don’t forget your commitment. I try to instill that into my boys as well.
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My older sister was in a serious accident a few weeks ago. She fell off a horse and had head trauma. She was airlifted to the hospital where she spent about a week and a half in a coma. She is still battling several side effect issues from the brain injury. She suffered a stroke as a result. She has had to have part of her skull removed to let the brain swell. She has had several infections and been up and down in her progress. Needless to say it has been a difficult month for my family. But even in the midst of the difficulties God has proven himself faithful. It's in these moments in life when we get to see God be God. It's easy to get angry when things don't happen the way we want them to, but it's encouraging to see God painting a portrait of healing in His perfect timing. I believe my sister will live, God has given me a peace about that. But I believe she will come out of this experience a new person. Some of the change will be welcome and some will take some adjustment period.
I wanted to share with you some words that God has used to comfort me and I hope they will be a blessing to you as well. "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practise is alike a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall because it had its foundation on the rock" (Matthew 7:24-25). The next one goes on to talk about a foolish man who built his house on the sand. You know what happened to his house. I am grateful that my sister is a believer. She has made a life with Christ a priority in her life, and now she is facing the beating of the wind, the rising of the floods, but God's promises are true, she will not fall away, she will not be destroyed because her foundation is on the rock. Sometimes our battles lay right before us and we have to fight them. Other times we get hit from behind and have to trust that God's got our back.
If you would like to follow my sister's journey, please visit www.caringbridge.org/visit/beckychiado.
Be encouraged today, God has your back and you may get knocked down, but keep standing on God's word and applying it to your life and your circumstances, otherwise, you'll find yourself picking sand out of your teeth.
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I was having this discussion recently with some people from church. We were talking about what would really make a person happy. One woman described if she couldn't be in a good marriage, she at least would want the guy to have money, so she wouldn't be so miserable. Her thinking was at least if the marriage isn't fulfilling, the money would allow a more fulfilling lifestyle. I had to disagree.
I believe the true key to happiness in life is contentment. There is a difference between contentment and happiness. Happiness is a feeling. It is temporary and it requires us to do certain things in order to attain it. Happiness is temporary, depending on a person's lifestyle or cruuent circumstances. Contentment is a state of mind. It does not change regardless of life's circumstances. The apostle Paul illustrates this to the church in Phippi: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every circumstance, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Phil. 4:12-13) Paul calls it the secret to contentment- a dependence on Jesus.
I told this woman that regardless of how much money she made, she would still be miserable. Contentment cannot be defined by our circumstances. It can only be fulfilled when we are in tune with the Spirit of God. Contentment comes in two forms as I see it: First, we must be content with who God says we are. If we don't know who we are, we will look to others to define our value and worth. If we believe and accept who God says we are, we can be content with wherever we land in life, on our jobs, in relationships. Second, we must be content with what God has given us. The tenth commandment illustrates this when we are told not to covet our neighbor's wife, his possessions, his power, his position. All those are things that make us unhappy with our current life. God has given us what we need to fulfill our purpose and has given us the right help-mate to accomplish what he has set before us. Only when we learn to be content with what we have will be truely be happy. Discontent causes us to compromise who we are in order to satisfy our lust for others, for more, for temporary pleasures. It never ceases to amaze me that the main prayer request I hear from people on Sundays is a need for deliverance in their finances or a financial breakthrough. My prayer is often not what they expect. I proceed to pray that they would be content with what He's given them and live within their means.
Paul uses his own words and describes this mindset as a secret. The secret to being able to live this way is only found in Jesus Christ, the one who strengthens us. The one who gives us a mind of peace. The one who calls us His children and comforts, empowers and convicts us through His Spirit. Without Jesus, you will not be content regardless of your circumstances. Even with Jesus, if you lack the faith to believe who He says you are and fail to trust He has you in the right circumstances according to His eternal plan for your life, you will fail to be happy.
My two cents, take it for what it is.
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