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| I just got the results back from my blood marrow test and the doctor said they couldn't find any cancer at all. God blocked it. He wouldn't let it be so!!!!! Thank you for all the prayers and words of encouragement. Please remember me in prayer. Thank you Jesus.
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| I'm what you may call a night-owl. I've worked the graveyard shift for several years and I'm use to visiting Walmart and 7eleven in the wee hours of the night during my days off. Tonight I found myself wanting to go somewhere or take a drive. I'm a person that enjoys freedom and being able to go when I feel free to, so being confined to the 5th floor of the hospital has become more and more nerve racking, I got a room that overlooks the heart of the city and I can see the streets that I would cruise at this hr. I was about to write a blog on appreciating freedom, but in reality it was a round about way for me to complain about my situation. I went for a stroll with my two shadows (the one behind me and the one that supplies my medicine and fluids) I've enjoyed this stroll because it allows me to interact with the staff, but tonight boredom had gotten the best of me, and what was normally an enjoyable walk seemed to be like a walk around my cell. I was beginning to complain but I started to look at my neighbors. I'm one of the few that have the strength and ability to walk the halls.I realized how much freedom I actually have and how much I have to be grateful for. Just me kicking myself..
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Sometimes we wonder why things happen to us. I can't begin to explain the many reasons of why, but what I do know is our response to those things determine our victory and sanity during the happenings. We make choices every day: we choose our daily activities, meals, clothing, and etc., but there are times when we are confronted with things that come out of the blue and we must make a choice that are so serious that we realize our lives will never be the same. These events are what I like to call defining moments. They will define who we are, what we believe, our character, our strength, our support system, and our future. When first confronted with these life altering occurrences we can become overwhelmed with a host of emotions. While I'm going through this transformation I'll be using this venue to express my daily or weekly feelings: they may be raw and sometimes funny, but I'm sure they'll be times when I just need to vent. If you have a testimony please leave it, or a word of encouragement will be greatly appreciated. I'm a firm believer that nothings to hard for God to do. Rev. 12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the lamb, and by the word of their testimony.
Last week I was confronted with an event that has and will change the rest of my life. A routine dental cleaning revealed a serious medical condition that will require me to remain in the hospital for a prolonged period of time. I had two appointments scheduled one day last week the first was a dental appointment the latter was an appointment with my family physician. Complications from the dental appointment led the family physician to run tests, but the physcian was convinced it was gum infection. Later that night at 9pm I received a call from my physician that the tests had disclosed some abnormalities and I needed to head to the emergency room. Upon my arrival at the E.R. I was immediately ushered into the back to an awaiting nurse and staff. I thought I would get a few shots and be released to go home after a couple of hrs, but I haven't stepped out of the hospital since that night.
The doctor on the floor examined me and asked a series of questions that I responded yes to. He stated that he didn't think it was a gum infection and what he thought it was antibiotics wasn't going to be the cure, but he needed tests to confirm it. After many test and xrays he entered my room with another round of questions for my now accompanied family. The questions were more pointed and disturbing concerning my family medical history. He asked about diabetes, strokes, and then he asked about cancer. My heart jumped and inside me I knew I was going to face the challenge of my life. My mother began to tell how my late uncle that was soooo dear to my heart had passed away from pancreatic cancer. I recalled how sudden my uncle's condition had deteriorated and confronted with my own mortality my eyes began to swell with tears. I tried to turn my head so no one could see my display of emotions. Fear had gripped my heart, panic had rushed my every thought. I couldn't focus on the doctor's questions because deep inside I knew the answer. The doctor left the room by explaining a list of what the condition may be including cancer and he stated that they would do the best they could for me. That statement keep ringing in my ear: they'll do the best they could for me. I replayed it over and over for what seemed to be hrs but was only seconds.
I knew that this was a defining moment right now!! Not after the doctors told me what my condition was,... not after they told me the course of action and treatment....not after I read a bunch of literature, but right at this moment when fear and hopelessness had invaded my emotions and will. This moment was going to determine if I believed God or if I was going to allow fear to rob me of this testimony. This moment was what all those prayer meetings were for. This moment was the reason why I had to go to Sunday School class growing up when I wanted to sleep in like my friends. This moment was why I had to go through previous medical conditions that God had healed me from. This was the Defining Moment when Faith needed to conquer Fear.Fear had kept me from so many blessings previously in my life, and I knew that I couldn't allow fear to take my life. I wasn't by myself I had a very present help at this defining moment. My mind began to remember other testimonies of how God had miraculously healed individuals from cancer and other conditions that man said was impossible. I began to quote the scriptures in my mind. I knew that I wasn't bringing these things to my mind, but the Holy Spirit. JOhn 14:26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
As I reflected on the goodness of God my hopelessness was conquered by hope and hope produced faith that defeated fear.
The next day I was told that cancer was the prognosis, but I was ready and prepared knowing that this to will pass. I had already faced the defining moment and I now I'm ready to face cancer through Christ Jesus. Please keep me and my family and all that may face difficult conditions in prayer; remembering that nothing is impossible in Christ Jesus.
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Another Birthday!!! Wow…I’m not sure if it’s because I’m getting older, or the fact that I’ve had brushes with death; but anyway I’ve learned not to take life for granted, and a appreciate all that God has blessed me with . This past year has been a year of revelation for me. I’ve learned so much about myself, my wife, my family, and even God. I wish some of the lessons that I learned hadn’t come by way of heartache and pain. The tests that I had to face revealed that God isn’t through with me yet. I spent the majority of this year expecting a conclusion to my health situation. I centered my life and my decisions on this expectation. I had put my career, education, and service on hold, because I didn’t listen to the right voice. When it was revealed that nothing could be done to resolve this issue at this time all I could say was I wasted a whole year!!!! When it was discovered that my situation was more serious then what was initially expected, God had given me a word to JUST LIVE. Well I didn’t spend time living, but rather waiting. I was waiting for the tests to comeback, I was waiting for the next appointment, I was waiting for the surgery, I was just waiting as life was passing me by. It was in this non-productive waiting that I discovered the importance of being active in life, and the dangers of not being active. I praise God for loving me in spite of myself. These same tests also showed me how deep Love can go. I knew that my wife loved me, but what I didn’t know was the depth of her love towards me and more importantly towards God. She has been patient, kind, respectful, caring, and a prayer warrior throughout this whole ordeal. This woman has stuck by my side through some rough and hard times. She has truly shown me what Love is. Not by her words, but rather by her actions. Anyone can love a person when all is going well, but it’s only true love that allows a person to love even when they don’t like the person’s ways. Sharon I love you and I thank God for you being my better half. Your labor of love will not be in vain!!!!! I’ve also learned how important it is to spend quality time with my daughter. In times past I would be sooo busy that I couldn’t spend time with her. Well I discovered that it really doesn’t matter what we’re doing, as long as we’re doing it together. K is a nut like me, and when we both get on a roll we can drive Sharon crazy..LOL. I’m proud of how my little gurl is growing up, and I love her sooooo much. So this year I’m not waiting on my deliverance. I’m not waiting on my healing. I’ll be living in my deliverance, and living in my healing. Ready or not Here I come!!!
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Pain is a part of life. 2 Corth. 1:8, 1:11 In fact, it is one of the very first parts of life. In childbirth, there is pain, and it is difficult to experience. Unfortunately, that is not where the pain ends in our lives. We deal with pain everyday in some form or another. Some of the pain are the results of our own poor choices; however other pain in our lives are sometimes the results of others poor choices.
It's in the journey through pain that we begin to define ourselves. The journeys of our lives make up the experiences that shape who we are.
“Experience is not what happens to us. It is what we do with what happens to us”
It is through pain that we have incredible stories and we have amazing images of the context and content of our lives. We need to understand that God does not hold our past against us, but the pain we endured during that time has incredible ability to mold us and define us.
Like me, many of us have some outward signs of pain. We have scars and wounds that tell a story. We have events or people that we remember every time we see those scars. For many of us, the scars that cause us the most pain are unseen. They are the results of poor choices and desperate actions that have led us away from what we dreamed or intended for our lives. I understand today that every scar tells a story.
The following passage from the bible helps us to understand how the Apostle Paul dealt with the pain in his life. It shows us his real self, his real hurt and his real need to depend on God.
8 For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of our trouble which came to us in Asia, that we were pressed out of measure, above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life: 9 But we had the sentenceb of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead: 10 Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us; 11 Ye also helping together by prayer for us, that for the gift bestowed upon us by the means of many persons thanks may be given by many on our behalf.
There are three basic principles we need to learn from this passage. 1) Life can become overwhelming.
Have you ever at some point been completely overwhelmed with life? We can all relate to that. We all connect with the concept that life is tough sometimes and we are not sure we are going to survive. Notice that Paul not only feels like he is going to die, he expects to die. Life turns out not to be a grand adventure for Paul of changing the world, but it is at times a great struggle simply to survive. Paul dealt with all these issues in life. He was constantly being arrested, beaten, thrown out of town, and shipwrecked. No wonder Paul had such a hard time finding people to go on trips with him.
Paul seems to have gone through periods in his life of major depression and anxiety. On several occasions in scripture Paul uses the term or idea that he feels overwhelmed. Paul may have suffered from some type of emotional and..or physical distress that plagued him throughout his life.
We all look to escape the pain in our lives. Paul was no different. We do not know exactly what his affliction was, but we know that God never took it away from him.
“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:6-9 (NIV)
Paul wanted desperately to be finished with the torment he was going through. But he learned that God’s grace was powerful enough to sustain him.
We all face incredible hurts and pains in life and they are never easy to deal with.
For many of us, there are pains of childhood tragedy, of poor choices and sin that have plagued us forever and we would love simply to forget they ever occurred. We will never be able to forget the pain that comes into our lives. It will always be apart of us because it shaped who we are.
God never wastes a hurt.
What we need to understand is that although we may wish it had never happened and we may wish circumstances of our lives were different, God has allowed us to go through them so that he may show up in your lives. So many people go through life mad at God and hurt that God allowed them to experience pain, but God’s desire is that we take the pain in our lives and we learn to grow from it.
2) God is faithful.
This may be one of the hardest things for people going through pain or living with pain to understand, but God is faithful to be a source of power and strength in our weakness.
“In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us.” 2 Corinthians 1:9-10 (NLT)
Paul lets us know that even when he thought he was going to die, he relied on the power of God to sustain him.
Maybe God’s design for our lives is not to take away our pain but to use what we have learned to minister into the lives of others.
3) God desires our scars to tell a story to others.
God is honored when our lives are lived out in daily recognition that he is the only one that enables us to get through our day. When our lives are devoted to a need to rely on God, we realize that what is out of our control is under his control.
God uses our scars to tell a story of his love and faithfulness to others.
Scars are not a sign of weakness; they are signs of survival.
There are many hours and days that I wish I had never experienced any of this. I wish I would never had any fear or panic or even anxiety. I wish I had never caused pain or experienced pain; however I understand today that God allows it in my life to remind me of his faithfulness and security, even when I don’t feel very secure.
So, what about you? Do you have scars in your life, and have pains and hurts and feelings that you don’t’ understand or like. What are you going to do about them? How are you going to allow them to shape you?
There are three things your scars can do:
1) Your scars can paralyze you.
2) Your scars can make you bitter.
3) Your scars can strengthen you.
Scars strengthen you when you embrace them.
“That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 6:10 (NLT)
Are we willing to let God take our scars and use them to bring honor and glory to himself? Are we wiling to allow him control of the areas of our lives that are OUT OF CONTROL?
Remember to embrace your scars, and remember that God is faithful, God never wastes a hurt, and every scar tells a story.
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