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I was writing a friend today. We were discussing addiction and how it works in a person. I think I communicated my viewpoint well, so I thought I would post it here. There is some personal stuff related here. Please let me know what you think.
BTW, I think I'm at a place where I can admit my addiction to my MyChurch family:
Hi, I'm Jess - an adored follower of Jesus who struggles with internet pornography.
The roots for my addiction are my pride - I think I know how to meet my needs better than God does. Romans 6 refers to this as "the flesh" or "the sinful nature". Personally, I think all believers are Sinaholics. Some of us are blessed enough to realize that, and pursue God's help.
The emotional mechanism is this - I found I felt less lonely when I took my "hit". My Dad left when I was three (it wasn't that he was abandoning us, but it's a long story which I promise to tell sometime soon). After the divorce I barely saw his side of the family. Mom had to go to work. My Grandfather (Mom's Dad) died in my arms when I was 11. My Grandmother (Mom's Mom) was very childish and abusive, and really wasn't there for me all the time. I struggle with feelings of abandonment. That's one thing about following Jesus - I know He loves me, but for now I can't get a hug from Him. I'm glad for my Recovery buddies - they need hugs too!
This is one of the things I like about 12 step: one of the goals is to identify all the roots and emotional mechanisms that lead me to think self destructive behavior is a helpful thing. That's the thing about addiction I found morbidly fascinating, in a way - how does a person end up thinking hurting them self would be beneficial? A drug addict introduces just enough poison into their system to change their emotional state. That's just insane (not that I'm judging - the only difference is in my choice of drug).
How many years did I struggle with my addiction? That's one of those questions I fear, actually. Every recovering addict struggles. Have you ever met someone who stopped smoking? They will be the first to admit the think often of lighting up.
The thing is, it isn't the drug that appeals to them - it's the escape. All of us have behaviors we do when we are stressed. If the behavior isn't rooted in God, it can rule us. When the behavior rules us, we are addicts.
I met a Professor from a local Seminary who called himself a "Academic Addict". He would always "factify" his relationship with God - turn it into facts and theories, instead of a relationship. He left the Academic world to get closer to Jesus - and this guy studied the Bible for a living! Incidental, he also said people in recovery understood more about having a relationship with God than many people he met in Church!
When I feel tempted, I immediately pray. I call my sponsor and ask him to pray.
My prayers are along these lines (slightly elaborated): "Lord, this is bigger than me. I couldn't save myself from Hell without Your help, and I can't rely on my ability to keep myself from this action/behavior/attitude." Normally, by the time I admit that, the temptation is gone.
I can't say I'm perfect, but I can say realizing my weakness is an addiction gets me to run straight to Jesus. Maybe that's why He doesn't just take the weakness away. He has a higher purpose for it. I can't find a single verse that says God will take away my weaknesses (actually it says the opposite: 2 Cor 12:9). I can see verses that say He is always available (Psalm 9:9). He will never despise my broken and contrite heart (Psalm 51:17). He will lift me up when I humble myself and admit my helplessness (James 4:10). I am utterly and totally dependent on Him to live a sane life (Phil 4:12-13). I'm also blessed enough to realize this (Phil 2:12-13).
The great mystery of Recovery is I wouldn't have realized my dependence on God without the addiction. I'm looking for the reference, but I understand St Augustine said a person doesn't understand forgiveness until they are grateful for their sin, since the sin shows us our dependence on God and motives us to seek Him out.
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Howdy All,
We need to think about something, so here's a topic: What is romantic love?
I didn't have the best examples of romantic love, so I'm trying to define it.
We can find all sorts of verses for God's selfless love, and how to show it. Romantic love is related to God's selfless love, but it is different. I can show God's selfless love to all my brothers and sisters in Christ, but I'll only show romantic love to the woman I marry. (For those who are curious, the woman I marry remains hypothetical for now).
Ground Rules:
Please keep your response focused on romantic love in Biblical context.
Feel free to use verses, but kindly explain them and what you mean (i.e. don't just post a verse - please talk about it).
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Howdy All,
My Uncle Steve died this week. This was sudden, but not surprising (he's had type 1 diabetes all his life).
My family is having an reunion on the Oregon coast this next month, and we were planning on bringing him. I really, really miss him.
Thanks,
Jess
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Howdy All,
I saw this movie a couple of weekends ago. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it. It really made me think, and, in one point, cry.
Here's the web site for it:
http://lordsaveusthemovie.com/
MOVIE SYNOPSIS
Though nine out of ten Americans claim a belief in God, public expression of faith is more contentious as ever. Even as discussion of religion floods the media like never before, the rhetoric is divisive and hyper as the 2008 elections loom on the horizon.
Lord, Save Us From Your Followers is the energetic, accessible documentary that explores the collision of faith and culture in America. Fed up with the angry, strident language filling the airwaves that has come to represent the Christian faith, director (and follower) Dan Merchant set out to discover why the Gospel of Love is dividing America. Utilizing a broad array of expert interviews, man-on-the-street bits, hilarious animations and “I’ve never seen that before” stunts, Lord, Save Us From Your Followers brings everyone into the conversation that this country is aching to have.
In the tradition of “entertaining documentaries” like Super Size Me, Bowling For Columbine and What the Bleep Do We Know?, Lord, Save Us From Your Followers, employs the language of pop culture to create a provocative, funny and redemptive viewing experience that will leave the audience talking for hours.
From the man-on-the-street blitz of “Bumpersticker Man” to a “Culture Wars” game show, from Dan’s proclamation drive to re-name St. Paul to New Leningrad to the controversial and moving “Confession Booth” at Gay Pride, Lord, Save Us From Your Followers delves into all the hot button issues with candor, humor and balance.
With exclusive interviews with comedian/Senatorial candidate Al Franken, former Senator and Religious Right inside man Rick Santorum, noted “liberal evangelical” Tony Campolo, conservative radio host Michael Reagan, racial reconciliation activist Dr. John Perkins and features with Bono, Pastor Rick Warren (“Purpose Driven Life”), James Dobson, Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, no stone is left unturned in this engaging, unpredictable and challenging look at the conflict over religion in America.
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Howdy All,
Well, God continues to bless me. I seem to be doing everything they need be to at work satisfactorily. Managers keep bragging about me.
My grand nephew turns one year old next week. It will be quite the family get together! I saw him at Easter and he was quite the charmer =D
God Bless You All
Jess
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