|
|
 |
 |
| |
Some are from my first blog, some are different but they are all hilarious! Enjoy but try not to laugh at this! THE BEST CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals." The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands." The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict. Remember in prayer the many that are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again", giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy." Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm - prayer and medication to follow. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use back door. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High." |
|
| |
| |
Im sorry for not writing sooner. Ive been very busy with work, church, family etc. My prayer is that you are all well and in good health. I hope all had an awesome holiday season and looking forward to a New year in service to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ! Remember you and only you can occupy your spot on the battlefield for our LORD. Be encouraged we are almost home!
|
| |
| |
Church Bulletin and Service Bloopers |
This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers:
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High". * Don't let worry kill you--let the church help. * Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. * For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. * Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. * Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy! * The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. * This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. * Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. * This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. * The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in. * Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so. * The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. * Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. * The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. * At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. * During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit. * The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience. * The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens. * The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. * The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11. * Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary. * Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child. * Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
|
| |
| |
This Sunday is Easter Sunday a few call it Ressurection Sunday. A time for families to get together, Lord knows we need our family time.The parents rise up out of bed extra early anxious to get their kids Easter egg baskets ready for the Easter egg hunt. The eggs have already been decorated the night before so the family wont be late for the egg hunt. So the kids get up excited and get dressed up in thier Sunday best. The parents cant wait to show off the outfits they bought for their little Johnny and little Susie the week before in preparation for Sundays activities. The time comes for the Easter egg hunt to begin. Sunday School was cut short so the Praise and Worship could begin, Praise and Worship was cut short so the preaching could begin, the preaching was cut short so the Easter egg hunt could begin. The kids have a great time, the weather was fine only a slight breeze. This day wouldve been perfect if only..........................................Why do I feel empty inside?
|
| |
| |
Our youth have been taken into captivity. First of all IF you are a young person LIVING in this dark and wicked world, I salute you. Many are not living any more, if they havent taken their life, then they are living as tho they were dead. A life of drugs and alcohol is not a life at all. I have seen first hand those youth that took their life, I have seen them die by gunshots and near death through hangings. And this world continues to target our kids, laughing their way to the bank! If you are a youth in church, stay in church! Even when you dont feel like going to church, Go anyway! Their is strength in the House of GOD! If you are a Pastors Kid or a (PK) as i have heard it referred to, I especially pray for you. You are not forgotten, you are not lost in the mix, JESUS has not left you nor forsaken you!! HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH THAT HE DIED FOR YOU! My generation has a tendency to look down on todays youth and say I was young once I made it. Let me tell you something you need to know........ ITS NOT THE SAME!!! We are living in perilous times so much is at stake. Our youth have so much to deal with that if you were a youth right now your head would be in a continual spin and your only words would be.......wow. Are their any young people out there that know what Im talking about! As I said Our youth have been taken captive. But they are still alive and kicking. Its time for this generation to rise up out of the ashes, rise up out of their captivity and recover all!! Forget about the chains that have you bound, forget about giving up the smoking, the drinking, what ever it is that your doing that has you bound. Seek ye first the kingdom of GOD and his rignteousness then all these things will be added. Just ask Jesus into your heart first and then he will take care of what has got you bound. Where sin did abound grace did much more abound!! If you get anything out of this blog its JESUS LOVES YOU!!!!! GOD BLESS!!!
|
| |
|
|