Susan Waldrop says ...
Kasey,
I know you are so very upset right now.. and my heart is so moved for your pain. I know how you feel - like this death inside.. I wanted to write you and tell you what I did when I faced this spirit of death we might call it. In Oct. 2004, my husband of 26 years, passed away from Leukemia. We had 2 children, whom at that time were 22 ( Adam) and 23 (Priscilla). Adam was there by his dad's side when he passed away, with me and visited his dad while he was in the hospital but Priscilla took it very hard in another type of way, she started drinking and after he passed away even attempted suscide.
Her boyfriend who was a really nice boy called me from the E.R. and said she had taken nyquil (forgive my spelling). I had tried to encourage her and Adam to know that we must go on, while I was dealing with the terrible undescrible pain myself. She made it through that, then, decided to leave home and move on the other side of the country, to live with her Aunt. This just about broke me inside, losing my daughter, so I found myself looking up oneday after just walking around in a daze for weeks....and finally realized I had to give them up to God totally and Myself to God as well, TOTALLY.
I realized I could not fix it, there was no way. All the scripture I knew, at that point, didn't really mean anything to them.. You see, I homeschooled them for years after they went to Christian School, and Steven my late husband and myself were licensed ministers ( I still am )..
But no body realizes the pain people go through until they themselves go through something similiar, or the same. When I gave it ALL up to GOD it did feel better, like this huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. Then, little by little, it has gotten better. Priscilla ended up moving home, after realizing her family was where she wanted to be anyhow, and things are looking up slowly. She is going through medical school now, and getting excellent grades because she finally realizes her life too will one day come to an end and wants thank God TO have a life.
Saying all of that, to say this;
1. Give your mother and yourself (your pain ) to God.. and realize you can't fix it. You can pray, fast, and give an offering to the Lord towards it, but all in all, you can't own it, and I know you are feeling so much pain you don't even care if YOU go on.
Remember, you must go on, you must realize God knows where your mom is, right now. He knows exactly what to do to bring about the situation that will make her face herself for right now she's not facing herself or reality. Right now, she is only thinking of herself and not in her right mind. She's like a sick dog, or cat. Now if you had a sick dog or cat, would you throw them out? Just by looking in your eyes in yoru picture, I dout it.
Realize it won't probably happen in one day, or maybe two, but make the decision to trust God and then just pray and pray and pray and thank him for all the things in your life, and thank him that he is working on it even now, whether or not you can see it, he IS. Then, live for Christ, and believe that one day, claiming the scriptures you can find on answered prayer such as; "If two or more agree on earth as touching anything, I will do it"......believe that one day you will see your hearts' desire come to pass....
Try to release your pain, and hate. You don't hate your mother or anyone. You must forgive your mom and yourself, as hard as that sounds.. or, how can you expect the Lord to forgive you your sins and move on your prayer if you are walking around in hatred. Remember, hatred is not of the Lord, and fear is not either, for he did not give us a spirit of fear but of love, power, and a sound mind. Hold onto what you know, and release your pain please.......
I love you and write me anytime.
Father, thank you for Kasey. Lord she is so beautiful and you have such wonderful plans for her life and help her to let it all just 'go'....into thy loving hands, and heal the pain and as you say; give our pain to you and take your yoke for it is light'.....thank you father, in Jesus name, Amen.
Bless you Kasey, in all things,
Susan Waldrop
www.the1whisper.com
