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We get so wrapped up in our own feelings that we often forget to consider the Holy Spirit’s feelings, other than love and anger. The Holy Spirit has been sharing a lot of insight lately into how He feels about some things in comparison to how I’ve felt about the same type of feelings, ie, parent/child relationship type feelings that result from situations. I’ve already shared parts with you in "I Am Reminded", but I’m going to take the liberty of sharing them again for the purpose of expanding on them with what the Holy Spirit has shared with me today. Please stay with me until the end of this. The one that I’ve already shared is regarding when I go to the mailbox hoping for a note from a loved one: a sister, one of my children, grandchild or get online hoping for an email from one of them or hoping to get a phone call from one of them day after day and when the hope is in vain as nothing happens. The Holy Spirit laid on my heart that this is now HE feels, disappointed, sad, letdown, rejected, when His children don’t take time to be with Him in prayer and His Word. He’s there waiting, watching, hoping, expecting, and then - nothing. They got busy with less important things, didn’t make time or worse, just forgot. He feels these things: disappointment, sadness, let down, rejection. The next one is actually two combined into one. The other day the Holy Spirit gave me a very tiny glimpse of what the first few seconds are like after one of His unsaved children dies, and today He shared with me how He feels when His children don’t love him back, reject his gift of salvation and die unsaved. Wow! What feelings! And He is feeling this for the population of the whole world! I "saw" and "felt" the first few moments (that was enough!!) After the death of an unsaved person. I felt their total utter terror as they see the demons there to drag them off into hell. I felt their realization that they had died, they have taken their last breath, they are on their way to hell, there’s no turning or going back, realize with their full being that it is forever and ever and there’s absolutely no way out ever, that they missed heaven by their own choosing by their rejecting Jesus - the truth. Man, just a tiny glimpse was enough for me!! I really don’t think my heart could take any more! I know I want no part of it!! Then this afternoon, for some reason, I guess the Holy Spirit put the thoughts and feelings there to share with me, I was thinking about while I was growing up knowing my mother had never bonded with me and didn’t love me like she loved my older sisters. After I was an adult whenever my sisters would come to town, she would call her and daddy’s sisters and brothers and invite them up to visit with my sisters. She never ever invited anyone up to see me when I visited. It was obvious that myself and my visits weren’t important to her and it always broke my heart. I felt so inferior knowing that my own mother didn’t even love me. This was obvious to my dad too because one day without ever saying a word to him about my feelings, he said that he was the black sheep of his family too. He understood my heartache. I’ve forgiven her and have loved her just the same regardless. My point to all of this is this: as I was having those dreadful feelings fresh all over again, the Holy Spirit shared with me that this is how He feels when His children don’t love Him back and reject Him. He loves them so much! He’s done all he can do for them to love Him; He even came to earth in the form of a man and died in their place so they could see how much He loves them and so they can be with Him for eternity. But they reject him anyway and refuse to even admit He exists! This alone makes Him feel heartbroken, but worse than that, He has to sit by and watch, after they’ve rejected Him, as they die and go to hell of their own choosing. This is certainly grieving the Holy Spirit!! Sharing those feelings surely made me weep for the unsaved, and it made me consider that perhaps their death just may make the Holy Spirit actually weep! It made me cry with a broken heart, and He shared that this is how He feels. Thanks for sticking with me and reading all of this. At least I hope you have. It’s been very heavy on my heart and has really been putting a heavy burden on my heart for the unsaved! Any more when I read the obituaries and don’t read anything concerning God anywhere in the life of a deceased person’s life now makes me want to cry, even though they are strangers. That is the real tragedy in their death, no matter how young or old they were, no matter how they died or how much they suffered: they died without Jesus. I’m not stating that the Holly Spirit feels exactly what I was feeling. If I did feel exactly what the Holy Spirit feels, I would be dead instantly. I wouldn’t be able to stand that kind of magnitude of feelings. Just what glimpse I did feel made my chest hurt for two days. I was feeling, again, just a glimpse of how He feels about those circumstances. He really DOES understand our feelings and emotions.
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In church when the sancuary is filled with God's children, us, singing praises with all of our hearts, sometimes I can "see" the praises, from all of the songs of praises being sung at that moment from all over the globe rising together in one accord from the earth towards heaven, blessing the Father's heart. I've "seen" this more than once in our services and it is a wondrous thing to "see"; it is a beautiful song of praise from all of our hearts that I can "see" as well as hear rising from the earth. I "saw" it again last Sunday morning. When the Holy Spirit comes close to listen to his chldren praising Him with all of their hearts, whether it be in song or conversation, I get goosebumps from his close presence. Last Sunday while we were singing praises, I was covered with goosebumps! His spirit filled the room! God is so awesome!
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As I eagerly await each day to hear from loved ones in some way, a letter, a phone call, an email, and feel sad and let down as I then don't hear anything, I am reminded of how the Holy Spirit must feel when He eagerly awaits each day to hear from us and now sad, heavy hearted and let down He must feel when we forget or don't take time to pray and talk with Him and meet Him in His Word. As I feel rejected from my loved ones when I don't feel their love returned, I am reminded of how God must feel as He loves us so much more than we even have the capability to imagine, yet His children turn their backs on Him and/or reject Him and turn away. I am reminded of how it must breaks His heart.
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Last weekend when I was returning home from my visit in FL with my daughter & her family, I was the last passenger to claim my baggage when I got to the Jacksonville bus terminal from Gainesville; therefore, I was the last one from our bus to go inside of the terminal. As I rolled my suitcase through the door past a Greyhound personnel lady, a "40-50 something" barefoot woman walked past in front of me & the Greyhound staff lady "barked" at her telling her that she would have to get on some shoes in there. The barefoot woman replied that she didn't have any shoes. The Greyhond staff lady "barked" again saying, well she had better find some & get them on 'cause she wouldn't be served in there without any shoes. I told the Greyhound staff lady that I had another pair of shoes in my suitcase that she could have if she didn't have any shoes. The Greyhound staff lady grumpily said "tell her". So I went over to the barefoot woman & told her I had a pair in my suitcase that she could have. She said she'd give them a try. As I opened my suitcase & was looking for them, I asked her if she could wear a 7 or 7 1/2; she said she wore a 10. I told her that since they were flip flops sandels with open toe & no heel, she could at least put part of her feet in them & that would keep her out of trouble & allow her to be served. They said she had to have shoes on - didn't say they had to fit, so she put them on. I was certain that by the time she got to her destination, the shoes would somehow fit her; God would make them fit someway. I then went into the Women's restroom dragging my suitcase behind me & the Greyhound staff lady came in behind me saying "Mame, Mame..." I thought mayhad dropped something out of my suitcase or the restroom was closed for cleaning or something I didn't know about. When I turned around & said "Yes?", she said thank you for giving that lady my shoes, that it was a very nice thing to do. I said I just wished they would have fit her better. From the bathroom, I went out into the lobby & sat down on the far left end of a row & got my cell phone out to turn it back on, as I had turned it off on the bus. As soon as it came on, it beeped telling me that I had a voice message. I listened to the voice message, but it was just various sounds, noises & pitches or levels. I kept listening, trying to identify the sounds & waiting for a voice to speak. I kind of looked around at nothing in particular as I listened & my eyes caught a small man about 4 rows in front of me over to the far right of his row making eye-to-eye contact with me while his right hand was making boxed or angular motions up & down & over & up to the rhythm or changes in the noises or sounds that I was hearing in my ear from the voice message in my cell phone. I watched him cocking my head to one side like a puzzled dog & thought "this is just the strangest thing!" As I watched I thought how could this total stranger, whom I've never seen before in my life, have my cell number to send me a voice message to which I was listening to as I watched him across the lobby. He didn't even have a cell phone up to his ear so how could he be hearing what I was listening to? As I concluded that was completely impossible I slowly realized that this small man, who looked kind of like a black/Spanish mix, and kind of unkept as someone whom you might hesitate before sitting beside of, was actually an angel. As I slowly closed my cell phone in total amazement to what I was experiencing (I felt like I had crossed over into the Twilight Zone), he turned around with his back to me. I had unintentionally cut off the commnication. I went into the station restaurant to get something to eat while I had the chance & called my husband at home on my cell phone. I just had to tell someone that I had just seen an angel! As I told him about it, I realized that the lady whom I had given my shoes to may possibly have been an angel also & the verse "in as much as you've done unto the least of these, you've done also unto me" came to mind and I felt very blessed. I thought maybe the angel was somehow telling me I had done good. But then as I watched him again in my memory, I thought that his squared off hand motioned movements may have been making square letters giving me a message of somekind and I was wishing I had paid more attention to his hand movements instead of making eye contact & watching his face in wonderment. As I ate my hamburger & fries, I noticed another man, who was dressed like he may have worked at the terminal somehow, maybe, was standing over in the middle of the restaurant on my side and he would walk passed me (never looking at me) to the lobby door & turn around & return to the middle of the room, back & forth several times like a soldier on guard duty. When I went into the lobby & sat down, he then came into the lobby also & sat down in front of me 2 rows up. Then a young man came & sat down beside of me with 2 seats between us.(There was plenty of other seats at this point where he could have sat). He talked to someone briefly on his cell phone speaking very fast in another language, hung up & moved over towards me leaving only one seat between us, also never looking at me. I got a distinct feeling that I was being guarded. My daughter had prayed with me at the Gainesville terminal for God to protect me and give me a safe trip. Well, I believe wholeheartedly that I had 2 angels guarding me. That is 4 angels I saw in the terminal. I got on the bus and a man sat down beside me holding a book on faith and after introducing himself, informed me that he was returning home to Virginia from a discipleship training program of 6 months. He had been saved 1 1/2 years. I showed him what I had been reading "Power In Praise". We smiled & agreed that it was not coincidence that he chose a seat beside of me. We agreed that God had sat him down in that seat. I told him after what I had seen, heard & experienced back in the terminal & had experienced and having a somewhat promising phone conversation at the station with a friend whom I had been praying for to receive salvation and physicall healing from prostate cancer, that nothing at that point would surprise me. I was expecting just anything to happen. I shared with him about the angels & how God had miraculously freed me from a stumbling block that hendered my fellowship with God; he shared with me how God had miraculously delivered him from alcoholism. We talked about "God experiences" for hours until we both fell asleep long after dark when it was very late into the night. He transferred to another bus in Charlotte & a very interesting 50 year old lady sat down beside of me. We hit it off like we were old friends and talked all the way to Charleston & I was able to counsel her about her relationship with her boyfriend that wasn't working out. Very interesting & exciting trip! Nothing was by chance & everything was amazing! The Bible says we may entertain angels unawares. I can testify to that; I'll never look at another stranger quite the same again. Who knows, I may just be looking into the eyes of an angel.
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| Last week my daughter, son-in-law, myself and their church Praise Team consisting of teenagers, camped out at the church all during the week of the "Camp Meetings". Tents were set up on the church grounds for sleeping, but daily rain disrupted the camping for the most part & we slept inside of the church. However, Tuesday night was a nice night for camping, so Sheri, my daughter, slept in one tent and I slept in another. The others wanted to still sleep in the church. My tent was a large one & had a mesh "skylight" on the top. I don't know any other word for it.I had my door and sides open and It didn't have a rain tarp over it, so I was able to lay there looking up into the night sky. A soft breeze was gently swaying the branches of the close by pine tree; there was a star peeping out from the clouds. It was so peaceful and I felt God's presence drawing close. I started talking with God, thanking him for so many blessings, for loving me so much, for being so merciful & forgiving, and was praising and worshiping Him. I got lost in His spirit and in our conversation. Eventually I felt absence of the weight of my body (not an out-of-the-body experience) and felt like I was being held in His arms, like a father cradling his child in his arms. For a long time, the world just went away & I was covered and saturated with such a sweet,peaceful, joyful spirit. Just like a loving father, when it was time for me to go to sleep, I again felt the weight of my body, as if he layed me down to sleep, but the sweet spirit of peace and joy was lasting. It was just an awesome experience!
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