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I suggest that you read my TWO previous blogs "My Neighbor was Murdered" before reading this one......... 
In my previous blogs I spoke about my ex-neighbors, Olivia and Kevin’s, relationship. In blog two, I discussed the possibility of Olivia ignoring that “still small voice” which warns us of unseen dangers. I stated this may well have led to her death. What’s more, I re-emphasized how reading the Old-Testament helped me to establish a TRUE relationship with God: how I let go of religion and developed a relationship with Jehovah instead. Finally, I ended my blog by relating how I finally experience “true repentance” and because of this I felt like I was given a second chance to start over with a clean slate.
Like Saul on the road to Damascus, after repentance I felt sure I was a newly converted Christian. After all I LOVED the Lord; yet as I continued to read His word my anger at humanity grew ten-fold. I truthfully HATED the disobedience of the Israelite people and their stiff necked ways. After all, Jehovah did nothing but love and care for Abraham’s descendants and yet they remained disobedient to His every command. Nevertheless, I wish I had kept the scripture “Be angry and sin not” at the fore-front of my thoughts while reading Gods words because in my anger I did sin; I stupidly issued a challenge to the Devil. I learned the hard way what Scripture mean by “Being angry but sin not,” It took seven years to undo the damage caused by my anger: to this day I can’t believe I thought I was capable of taking on the Devil.
For reasons I can’t explain I felt hurt by the Israelites’ blatant disregard for God. So much so in fact that I told the Devil that there was NO WAY I could ever treat God the way the Israelites had. I went so far as to tell him to “bring it on” because at that point I Loved the Lord so much that I simply could not imagine myself falling for the devils tricks. I failed to remember that the Devil had been around for thousands of years and I was no match for him: bring it he did. The Devil pulled out all the stops once I allowed “ego/emotions/me” into the equation. In my stupidity I believed I would be the one person who would be able to stand firm for God, lol. In my naivety I felt like I could defend God’s honor. Like Olivia I failed to realize that danger generally comes when we are step outside of God’s will for our lives, or allow ego to take control.
In the beginning I did not recognize the Devil had gained a foothold in my life once again. His devices were subliminal. He started off innocently enough by placing three men in my life: two Christians and one non-Christian. I dated all three, and eliminated one in a matter of weeks because I was never comfortable in his presence (he was my Sabbath school teacher, lol). I dated the other two simultaneously and although I was being pressured to choose I played them against each other for months. The truth is I simply could not decide between Mr. Wonderful and Mr. God Fearing. Mr. God Fearing was handsome, he appeared to love the Lord as much as I, he professed to love me, and he appeared to be living his life the way the Lord intended. Mr. Wonderful on the other hand was simply perfect in every way. Although he did not attend Church, he was spiritual. This man showed me what it meant to be loved, accepted and respected. He did everything right when it came to loving me. This man set the standard as to how I should be treated/loved in a relationship; I have not met anyone who has measured up since. Nevertheless, after months of fluctuating between the two I finally chose Mr. Christian because I felt we had more in common. I should mention that I kept Mr. Wonderful on the side because I loved the way he loved me, lol. During this time I got bored living on the island so I decided to move to New York; the night before the left Mr. Wonderful placed the biggest diamond ring I had ever seen on my finger and I accepted his proposal. I kept seeing the two long after I moved to New York. The relationship with Mr. Wonderful ended when I went home on vacation to visit Mr. Christian.; Mr. Wonderful found out and confronted us, he was so hurt by what I had done that he left on vacation for two weeks and came back a married man. Mr. Christian forgave me and we continued dating long-distance for another three years. Everything appeared to be going okay between us until I got a phone call from my sister telling me that my boyfriend had been seeing someone else for almost two years: all I can say is karma is REAL, lol. My choices and behaviors, after conversion, contributed to my spiral back into the world of sin. See the Devil knows our flaws and before I repented mine use to be FYNE men, to this day I still admire what I like to call, “Eye Candy”: I know the ladies are feeling me on this one, lol.
My conversion lasted all of four months before the Devil started really “bringing it on” as I requested. When I look back over the course of my life I can clearly see where I faltered. After my five year relationship ended I went back onto the dating scene and played men like A Pianist plays the piano: with passion. This lasted for about three years and I NEVER dated less than two men at one time. I had strict requirements when it came to the men I dated. They had to be influential in the community, single, and extremely good looking: chalk this up to vanity on my part. Needless to say, in no time at all I forgot about my past passion for God and replaced it with worldly passion. However, I continued attending Church and the Holy Ghost was not through with me yet. It took three years of un-fulfilled desires before I realized that my life was no-where near where it should be. I started seeking God more intently than I had in the past, I even begged Him to show me a sign that He did exist. I begged and pleaded for Him to show me that He did not just exist but He cared about ME. One day, he answered my plea and I heard a voice clearly say, “I LOVE YOU”. I thought I was imagining things until I heard it again, “Sandee, I love you”. I can honestly say that I was scared out of my wits and I asked the Lord never to speak directly to me again: yet another mistake in a life filled with mistakes. After my encounter with the Lord I decided that it was time to go back to my first love. I was dating my son’s father at the time and I told him of my decision to re-dedicate my life to God. He appeared to be completely understanding of my decision and our discussion lasted well into the evening. Our discussion led to something more and a few weeks later I discovered I was pregnant: only the good Lord can convince me it was unintentional on his part. I managed to avoid pregnancy for thirty-one years; however, on the night I decided to admit that I was re-submitting to God I became pregnant, lol; I told my ex about my pregnancy and he said he would stand by me: of course standing by me meant continuing our sexual relationship without the bonds of matrimony. Once I told him this would not be the case because I was committed to re-consecrating my life to God he told me I was on my own, and I would need him eventually. That’s when I made up my mind that it was going to be me, my son, and God from there on out: I never looked back. I re-dedicated my life to God six-years ago and He has taken care of me and my son ever since. The Bible states, “He is a Father to the fatherless” and He has definitely been the BEST Father my son can have. Our Life has not been easy, but God has definitely kept us. I am by no means promoting single parenting; I am simply stating that since I have re-committed my life to God He has kept a hedge of protection around me and my son. When I look back over the past six years I have clearly heard that “still small voice” warning me of unseen dangers, and although I have both repented and experience conversion, NO I have not always heeded its warning.
TO BE CONTINUED
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To Better understand this blog you MUST read my previous blog "My Neighbor was MURDERED"
Based on my previous blog, many of you probably assumed that my ex-neighbor Oliver was an unbeliever; after all, she had a live-in boyfriend and they fought all the time. What’s more, according to her boyfriend Kevin, Olivia committed numerous crimes such as grand theft auto, insurance fraud, etc. Yet, as I reflect on Olivia and Kevin’s relationship I can’t help but wonder if there weren’t any telltale signs, alerting Olivia that her relationship was heading down a fatal path. After all, Olivia was a practicing Christian; she worshipped weekly, was an Usher, on the Church choir and was basically trying to live according to God’s will. I can’t help but wonder how many times the Holy Spirit spoke to her concerning her relationship with Kevin and she SIMPLY ignored it.
We all have been in situations where we heard a still small voice warning us of unforeseen dangers; nevertheless, many of us choose to ignore the voice and continue on a path that WILL ultimately end in disaster. I for one have been EXTREMELY guilty of this; sometimes, it took God physically removing me from a dangerous situation before I was TRULY able to understand the dangers of the path I was on. There were so many times that I heard that small voice saying to me “be patient Sandee, he is not the right person for you, this is not the plan I have for your life, that position is not right for you, etc.” Yet, I plunged ahead, ignoring the warning signs along the way. Needless to say, like Olivia, I made catastrophic decisions. See like Olivia, I grew up in the Church and was also an active member. I knew OF God and for a long time I was under the impression that what I knew was enough. My background was much like that of many young women. My mom was overprotective and because of this I lived a very sheltered life until the age of eighteen. When I left for college I was EXTREMELY unprepared for what the world had to offer. I got a small taste of the world, in college, and I continued to drink from its cup for the next twelve years. During that time I never considered myself in any immediate danger; living in Sin was nowhere near to what the Church had preached; life was tremendously good to me and I was content to stay exactly where I was. After all, I never considered myself a Sinner; I told myself “this is me living MY life the way I saw fit and at the end of the day I had no one to answer to but myself”. I convinced myself that because I did not drink, smoke, do drugs, etc, that I was in a better place with God than most non-Christians. At one point I actually convinced myself that my greatest sin was fornication and that this Sin was a lesser sin than the ones being committed by Pastors in the Church: I told myself I was better than most of them because at least I wasn’t committing adultery. I honestly thought that some sins were greater than others in the sight of God. In my mind it was better for me to be a fornicator than say a murder or an adulterer; I honestly believe that God would condemn me less for what appeared to be a lesser Sin. My sense of rationale was the same as a person who admits that they do lie but only tells “LITTLE WHITE LIES”; therefore they are deserving of a lesser punishment because little lies cause less trouble than say those of a habitual liar.
Nevertheless, during that time the Holy Ghost was doing its job in bringing conviction to my very lost soul. I finally got my breakthrough concerning unforeseen dangers when I woke up to discover that although I am given the will to choose, what I was NOT choosing was to allow God free reign with my life. At first, the process stated off slowly. I learned that knowing OF God would NEVER be enough; I quickly realized that I needed to develop a relationship with Him as well. Then somewhere along the way, I figured out that if I took me/ego/emotions out of the equation and allow God to do what He does best, LEAD then I wouldn’t have to be overly concerned regarding unforeseen dangers anymore. At one point, I did something that the Church taught about twelve years earlier, I started truly seeking God. One day I went out, bought a Bible, and started reading it. Like a junky on crack I couldn’t get enough, I read the Old Testament in approximately two months. This is when I truly began to better understand about God’s grace and Mercy. When I read, over and over again, of man’s disobedience I became filled with rage. By the time I read about Noah and the flood I honestly understood God’s wrath, at that point I was willing to TAKE OUT HUMANITY myself, lol. As I continued to read the Bible, I re-discovered Gods love, patience, goodness, and mercy: not just for the Israelite’s but myself as well. Reading about the nation of Israel helped me to better understand God’s love for humanity, by the time I read about the Kings of Jerusalem (and the stiffed-necked peopel in those nations) I was ready to hand out (forgive my French) some serious ass-whopping’ on God’s behalf. However, even in my anger something truly amazing happened, I learned how to love a God I have never seen. Wow, amazingly enough, somewhere in the process I fell in love with God. I am talking about that all consuming type of love; the type of love that makes you want to do what’s right. At that very instant I truly wanted to live a life that was pleasing to God; I did not want to be like the Israelites’ and continually disappoint such a wonderful, caring, compassionate, faithful and loving God. Like a child wanting her parent’s approval I wanted to be the best possible child for the Most High God. For the first time in my life I experienced true remorse. I got down on my knee’s and confessed ALL of my sins before God, when it was over I can honestly say that I finally experienced true repentance. I knew with assurance that my sins had been forgiven and I no longer had to carry around the burden associated with them. To this very day I am still awed by what true repentance does for a sinner; your sins are truly washed away and although you still remember them you are no longer burdened by the guilt associated with those sins. At that point I knew that I was given a second chance to begin again with a clean slate and for that I will always be thankful.
TO BE CONTINUED
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Last Tuesday I discovered my neighbor murdered his girlfriend by slitting her throat, leaving her two daughters motherless. I am not surprised by the turn of events because there were numerous signs that led me to believe that he was a BIT unstable.
When I first moved into the complex they made my transition into my new home easier. I was very fond of them as a couple; both of them, like myself, was from the Virgin Islands (St. Croix), and needless to say we had lots in common. Olivia was recently divorced, with two daughters, and had moved to Florida two years prior. They met while Kevin was vacationing on the island; after a few months of dating, long distance, they decided that Olivia should relocate to Florida with her girls in order to be closer to him.
Fast forward TWO-YEARS later. I moved in and as time progressed our neighborly relationship grew into genuine friendship. Kevin taught my son how to ride a bike, and her daughters would come up every now and again to hang out with him. When I first started taking night classes and needed a babysitter they were ready and willingly to keep an eye on Jay, even though my classes ended at 10pm. One of them made sure that he ate Dinner, took a bath, and was in bed by 9pm. I will always be grateful to them for being the “Village that it takes to help raise a child”. Needless to say, at one point we had gotten so close that whenever I had any type of family gathering they were ALWAYS in attendance. They were an amazing support system during my transitional period because as many of you know “Single Parenting is by no means EASY”.
Nevertheless, our relationship started to change when I realized that they were constantly arguing and fighting. As a child growing up, I was always told that whatever happens between a man and a woman is “their business”: so when it became apparent they were having serious problems in their relationship I made myself scarce. I only spoke to them if they initiated the conversation, and I NEVER asked about their relationship. Kevin was a lot more forthcoming regarding the problems in their relationship than Olivia was. He told me he suspected Olivia was cheating on him. He asked me on more than one occasion to call men whose telephone numbers he found in her address book: he thought these may have been men that she was sneaking around with. He stated that I could pretend to be her because we both had an accent and the guys probably wouldn’t know the difference. I told him that what he was asking was pointless and I would not get involved, I stated that if he was unsure of her faithfulness then maybe he should reconsider his living arrangements. A few months later, I came home to find Olivia moving out while Kevin was at work, she stated that she had gotten her own apartment a few blocks away: I wished her luck and went inside to get ready for work. Later that day Kevin came up and asked to use my computer, of course he mentioned that Olivia had moved out and I pretended as if it was the first I had heard of it. He talked a lot about her unfaithfulness in their relationship and finally left when I told him I had to get Jay ready for bed.
A few weeks went by before I saw Olivia again: Yep, you guessed it, she was back with Kevin and he was spending most of his time at her place. Over the next couple of months I would run into them either together of separately and they appeared to be getting along better. Nonetheless, one day I came home to meet a note on my door from Kevin: it was a telephone number of some guy he wanted me to call as well as his number, I tore it in pieces and when on about my business as usual. Eventually Kevin moved out of his apartment and moved in with Olivia permanently. I hadn’t seen or heard from either of them for a few months until Kevin popped up on my job to inform me that a detective may come by my house at some point to ask me questions regarding Olivia’s whereabouts on New Year’s day because he filled out a police report stating that Olivia’s car had not been stolen as they had reported that day, but that she had in all actuality driven the car to another county and burned it for the insurance money. When I asked him what all of this had to do with me? He stated that Olivia had used the fact that she was at my New Years Day party as an alibi for her whereabouts when the car had been stolen, when in all actuality she did not show up until 4pm. I told him that I was not going to lie or get involved in their drama. When I asked him why he would turn his girlfriend in, He stated, “Because she called the cops on me and accused me of domestic violence”. Thankfully no one ever contacted me regarding the matter and I had not seen or heard from Kevin again until earlier this week. I got a very disturbing phone call on Tuesday informing me that my former neighbor had killed his live in girlfriend on Monday. Apparently he slit her throat, she was pronounced dead on the scene, he is being held in lieu of bail.
To be continued
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I have said before on another post that some people live their lives thinking the grass in always greener on the other side. Unfortunately, people also think there is someone "better", than the person they have in front of them. So they go from one relationship to another looking for that "perfect" mate. And they make their judgment more on the superficial things than the important things (the character of the person and the personality) . Men look for the "Beauty/Sexy" and women the "Mr. GQ", or some look for the "big bank account". And even when they get involved in a relationship they never fully and totally commit in their hearts - just in case the "better" mate comes along. They end relationships as soon as it becomes inconvenient because of any number of problems that can arise; or the "looks" start to fade from their partner: or another "better" person comes into the picture.
The result of this kind of attitude is multiple marriages and divorces: or cohabiting; or never having a real, loving, meaningful relationship, just many superficial ones. So often the worse result is children born out of wedlock, and/or not growing up with their father (or in some cases mother); or worse yet – never knowing who their father/mother was. It also results in abortions and children living in homes or being in the foster care system because they never get adopted.
When it comes to looking for a mate, yes, there must be a physical attraction, but that attraction could/should come from the `beauty" of the person within and not from the physical appearance of the person. Do not over look that Sister-in-Christ or Brother-in-Christ because they're not your "type" or they do not fit society's standard of "beauty". Remember that in the Bible it says: Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised (Prov. 31:30). And women, even through this verse was meant for men to realize what was the important quality to look for in a woman; women must also look for this in a man. Do not fall for looks, charm, wit, power, or wealth – look for God fearing integrity, morals, and values – remember this man is suppose to be the Spiritual Head of Household, and you are called to submit to him – so make sure he is a godly man and that he will love you as he is called to – the way Christ loved the church.
We must learn to look at others the way God does – look at their character. Is this someone whose character you admire and respect? Look at their personality - is this someone you would like as a friend; someone you feel comfortable with and can talk to about anything and everything. The person you pick for your spouse should be someone who you can consider your best friend, your helpmate, and your lover (when married). Someone who has the same faith and love for Jesus as you do (be equally yoked); with whom you can pray, worship, study the bible, and serve the Kingdom of God with. Someone you can feel secure in knowing they will honor their commitment to you because they know that commitment was made in God's name. Someone you can depend on to "have your back" at all times and forever.
Your number one priority when looking for a mate must be PRAYER! Ask God to bring you a mate. Ask God to reveal to you who your mate is. If you have someone in mind – ask God to reveal to you if this is the person you should marry. THEN WAIT AND LISTEN FOR HIS ANSWER!!!!!! !!!!! DO NOT MOVE FORWARD IN A RELATIONSHIP UNTIL YOU FEEL YOU HAVE RECEIVED CONFIRMATION FROM GOD THAT THIS IS THE RIGHT MATE FOR YOU.
Take inventory of what you are looking for in a mate. Make sure you have your "checklist" prioritized correctly! And remember to pray about it and always keep God first. Do not let this desire become bigger than your desire to glorify God.
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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria!
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie. Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: Alright. 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree but also admitted it. Now Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, it's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
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