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God moved us to Indiana a little over 3 weeks ago and His fingerprints are everywhere. God has confirmed Himself over and over again, through people, events, circumstances. There is no doubt in my mind that this is the place He wants us to be. And there is a deep peace in knowing that! Does that make is easy? No. But, easier. I don't have to waste my time with "what if's" and "if onlys". We can focus on the ministry here and praying that God will give us a vision and direction for the future. We don't have an agenda. St. Paul's is not going to be a cookie cutter of any other ministry that we have ever been involved in.....we already know that. St. Paul's County Line Church was started in 1851 as an Evangelical Reformed church, and then became United Church of Christ. It was UCC until about 7 years ago...it is now evangelical and nondenominational. There is a hunger here - to do more and be more for the glory of God. And the people....oh my! They have won us over. We have had alot of company over the past 3 weeks and everyone has commented about how warm and welcoming the congregration is here. They are not complacent!
I have to admit that there was a part of me that wanted to be in Vinton, Iowa at the First Baptist Church there....so much familiarity - We would have been still in Iowa, nearer to family in IL, still within a denomination that was more familiar, 3 tenths of a mile from one of my best friends in the world. Leaning on my own understanding thats the way I would have gone. But God had something different in mind. And I love Him for it. I love the fact that His ways are above my ways and His thoughts are above my thoughts....that way I am less apt to trust in myself or second guess everything. Is that what childlike faith means? You know when you were young and as my Olivia says, "Everything is free for me," we were just along for the ride, no big decisions or problems cause Mom and Dad took care of all that. We didn't question everything because we just trusted their judgment - knowing that what they wanted was what was best for us. We had such peace. I know that God wants me to trust Him like that. Putting our decisions, problems, in His very capable and Almighty hands. "For we walk by faith and not by sight." II Cor. 5:7 Maybe thats why God keeps bringing Porverbs 3:5-6 back to my heart and mind ( for the past year) reminding me not to lean on my own understanding....my own traditions, mindset, perspective, opinion - but in all my ways acknowledging Him so He can direct my paths. He was getting me ready for such a time as this. Wow!!! Psalm 16:11 "You will make known to me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy in at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore." And the joy and pleasures.....thank you Lord!
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As Christians we sometimes put alot of pressure on ourselves....we want to appear to be mature Christians that we handle circumstances in a Christlike manner. But the scripture I ran across today reminded me of the fact that we are not preaching ourselves and its not our light that shines....we are just a reflection of The Light.
II Corinthians 4:5-6 "For we do not preach ourselves but Christ Jesus as Lord, and ourselves as your bondservants for Jesus' sake. For God who said, "light shall shine out of darkness," is the One who has shone in our hears to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ."
This verse was an encouragement for me today because I don't have to be perfect to be used by God. His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
And then the chapter goes on..."But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves;"
The treasure is the gospel of Jesus Christ those earthen vessels are meant to represent our frail human bodies. Anything that happens is not on our account anyway. Its His power, His Light, His Gospel that works in and through people, not me. Takes the pressure off.....I just need to be obedient, thats all God has called me to do. Thats a job in itself, my friend.
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In my (albeit brief) five years in full time Christian work I think one of the biggest lessons God has been teaching me is the lovely lesson of "denying self". In the past I would have be slow to characterize myself as a severley selfish person but God has placed me in various situations where I've had to see myself in a new light. Perhaps I didn't realize it before but there is a very influential part of me that would love to have a title, to be an "expert" at something or to have a hobby that I am passionate about or that people admire or appreciate. Yet God has repeatedly put me in a place where I see very little limelight (I'm a slow learner, I guess) Being a mother is a very self-less job and yet being an associate pastor's wife would rival that. I'm not a paid staff person, nor do I have an office, or a "platform", and yet I am a necessary person in our ministry. There are times when a ministry idea will get me so excited that my mind literally races, only to find out that I am the only one who feels that way. I could come in with "guns blazing" and try to persuade people that my idea is the "best things they'be ever heard" and yet...."What was that, Lord? Oh yeah, I know....its not about me." Sometimes, God will reveal to me that my "idea" was really just a way for me to gain glory for myself, not Him. The grand idea comes to a halt no matter how progressive, innovative or even spiritual it was. Because it's not how much I know, or how many timely scriptures I can quote or how great my new idea was if my objective is to make myself look greater, or more knowledgable or more spiritual its all for nothing.
Luke 9:23 says, " And He was saying to them all, "If anyone wished to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow me for whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake he is the one who will save it." Its pretty clear from this verse that selfish desires and following Christ don't go together. Denying self is putting aside not just the things "that so easily entangle us" but putting aside my desire to be noticed, respected, and even appreciated. That sounds harsh. Its even difficult for me to write b/c its something I struggle with more than I would like for anyone to know.
I can almost picture the scene from Luke 9:23 in my head. I can see Jesus beckoning me to follow Him and yet there is something I need to do. I've been using my hands to point to myself, to get attention or some praise and now the Lord is asking me to use my hands to carry something for Him. I cannot do both. I can't wave my hands around for the attention of others and do what God has asked for me to do. I have a choice. I make that choice daily. Am I going to use my time, resources, abilities to gain respect and admiration from others or am I going to use my gifts to "carry His cross" wherever He wants me to go?
One of my favorite scriptures from this 40 days: Phil 2:3 "Do nothing from selfish ambition or empty conceit but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves do not mrerely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others."
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