It is appropriate here, I think to officially thank the many kind people who helped enormously to cheer me up, during those days and enjoy the German and Swiss folk music that we played together. Those (and you know who you are), who were a part of the Edelweiss Dance Group and the Swiss Yodlers. Plus
many others including those who worked in restaurants and various
ethnic clubs. I can tell you now, my heart feels the full meaning of the saying, "eternally grateful", and this is one reason I have come back to you, via this letter, to share with you "Eternal" Love.
A very dear childhood friend had appeared on the scene at the time of the accident and this darling man appointed himself as my personal body guard and trusted companion. He was young, rich, had European parents. He really became one of the greatest blessing of my life.
By and by the question of marriage arose and this man was all prepared to take all four of us to Europe and show US off to Europe!
Think this wasn’t an attractive offer to a struggling, single mum?
Serious consideration went into the final decision on this matter and after looking at things from different angles, the day finally came, when to his sorrow and my own, I had to turn down the offer.
You see, money, travelling etc. are all very nice, but deep
in my heart I just couldn't love him as a woman should her husband and I knew at the outset that it would never work out that way. And so, he made his exit from my life, dejected and me feeling like a freak!
The question haunted me, "Did I throw away the best friend I ever had??"
Life went on. Daily I would juggle getting children (then
1 and 2 years of age) breakfast, rush them off to day-care (which pierced my heart like an arrow), rush off to work.
On days of music engagements, I would have to go kilometres out of my way to pick up the babysitter, rush home, prepare dinner, get showered and dressed (a major event as some who had to wear those German costumes will know), zoom off to the venue, play music half the night and return home at around midnight, almost stupefied by fatigue.
This was the nature of my life for quite some time to come.
THE BREAK
One afternoon which seemed like all the others, I picked the children up as usual, took them home and performed all the necessary tasks - you know - dinner, bath, play time, bed, dishes etc., but on this particular occasion, signs of stress began to forcefully appear.
I had no idea who God was, all I new, was that He knew a lot more about things that I did and since He made me, He'd look after me. This was approximately the extent of my knowledge of Him.
After tucking the children into bed, I closed the kitchen door dividing us, when so suddenly, the "dam" burst!
For the first time in all my life, I literally fell to my knees in utter despair and exhaustion. Where I was headed, I had no idea. I lay there on the floor, in the still of the night, totally vulnerable before the God of Heaven, trembling and experiencing depths of misery that I had not known existed, in the hope that He could hear me.
In the morning, it was business as usual. The pain gradually subsided but just to add insult to injury, a certain member of the family did all he could to kick me while I was down, accusing me of everything from being a bad mother to being an hopeless money-manager. In addition, just to make me feel a little worse still, just in case it wasn't bad enough yet, this relative also reminded me that I would never get another man to look at me, having too much against me like two children, scars from the accident etc.
Things didn't look too good at all, however, despite the torture, the gentle, encouraging words urged me on - "Seek and ye shall find."
Now, what I need to share with you here is HOW I continued to pray after I fell to my knees.
Firstly, Jesus, tells us in Matthew 6:5-7 -
"When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites! They love to stand and pray in the houses of worship, and on the street corners, so that everyone will see them. I assure you, they have been paid in full. But when you pray, go to your room, close the door, and pray to your Father who is unseen. And your Father who sees what you do in private, will reward you.
When you pray, do not use a lot of meaningless words, as the pagans do, who think that God will hear them because their prayers are long."
Back in those days, I had no idea how I "OUGHT" to pray. All I knew was that deep in my heart I could really sense God and His tender love and I used to audibly rant and rave before Him night after night, bringing Him all my prayers and petitions.
You see, one of the keys to seeking and finding is first and foremost - BE REAL before God! Remember, you can't fool God. So at least do Him the honour of being open and honest so that YOU are able to see what's going on and The Lord can have compassion on this.
...Approximately 3 months after the deep prayer on the floor, the man Bruno entered my life and not long after, we were married.
Life continued to increase abundantly in all ways. All our endeavours as a new family blossomed and we lacked nothing that the world could offer. Even spiritually, Bruno and-I enjoyed much sweet fellowship with each othe and The Lord as we continued to search for the meaning of life.
From all of this,
This human being had the courage to ask, "WHAT REALLY IS
going on, on planet earth??" Not a religious freak, not supporting any philosophy or campaign, but having earnestly sought and FOUND, as those wonderful words said - "Seek and ye shall find."
I now come back to you, friends from years back in some cases, to share with you the Truth that shall set you free.
Believe me, you have nothing to be afraid of, by asking this same question and DEMANDING an answer, if you are not AFRAID of the answer!
Since Bruno and I were already interested in the things of God, and casually reading the Bible, we decided to attend a fairly nearby Christian congregation.
Jehovah's witnesses were on the door, Mormons visited, various people gave their understanding about Christianity/Jesus etc and even though for approximately 2 years, I studied with the Jehovah's Witnesses, somehow, things just did not seem to add up! Even worse, it seemed, was that I just couldn't get this "Jesus" into perspective. You know the score, some people would sort of "pat Him on the head" and say things like - "Oh, He was a good teacher in His day, but no longer relevant to this age", then others would say that He is EVERYTHING and should be worshipped as God and every conceivable opinion resulted from the various discussions pertaining to the Truth.
What confusion! What I DID know for sure though, was that I simply HAD to find out EXACTLY Who Jesus was! (Still not connecting this to the "Voice" in my accident).
And so the search continued! On my dressing table were stacks of books on psychology, religion, new age, positive thinking etc.. I left no stone unturned - this was all too important.
The Bible too, lay around, but it assumed no more importance than the C.D. player - something I listened to when I felt like it.
By and by, we met up with another friend who was also searching earnestly for the Truth and he, being a far more critical thinker than I, was often depressed.
One evening when I was preparing dinner for the family – around 6pm - this friend rang in an uncharacteristically good mood beckoning me to a "Crusade" being held in a town about an hours drive from home.
Let me tell you, I was not impressed for this was most inconvenient. However, this guy was just SO of fire, that after a short deliberation, I agreed to go.
THE CRUSADE (why they ever call them this is a mystery to me considering the crusades back in history??)
The two of us were late attending the meeting and so we quietly took a seat at the back of the room.
As my ears began to grasp all that was being said, it felt as though I had suddenly been given antennae which were beeping loudly in positive response to information that I had never dreamed of before!
This man, the Preacher, had REALLY, I mean REALLY done his homework!
He showed examples of many well know world-wide publications
such as "TIME Magazine", countless media clips, various events happening in the world, and for the very first time, things about life here on earth began to make some sense at last.
All this time, I've been looking for the TRUTH, but the world is based on LIES! Lies, lies everywhere, we are quite clearly being grossly manipulated, but into what I wasn't sure yet. However, this old planet, I could see, is clearly SUNK!
The Preacher showed references from the Bible which had prophesied a lot of this, references from the Bible that predicted FUTURE DEVELOPMENTS and the fact that it is ONLY Jesus Christ Who has any power at all to do ANYTHING about it. To my incredulous relief, I COULD SEE, I COULD SEE!
It did not cease there either and I was not expecting what was about to happen next.
At the end of the Talk, the Preacher read out Revelation 3:20 and invited us all to pray in response to this Scripture.
It refers to Jesus' Words -"Lo, I stand at the door and knock, if any man hear My Voice and open the door, I will come into him and eat with him and he will eat with Me."
"Well, I thought, of course I want Him to come in!
As I began to pray in response to His kind invitation, I was in nowise expecting was about to happen next. All of a sudden I was filled to overflowing with The Holy Spirit – such Light, such Truth, such joy were all mine in full measure! It was as if I had met Jesus face to face. His whole presence was so overwhelming, so real that I began to cry in joy, feeling that I had indeed "arrived"! I remember thinking, "This is the baptism of the Holy Spirit"!
Everything that I had been previously learning and questioning, seemed to immediately line up and make perfect sense. Yes, Jesus really IS alive. HE is The Way, The Truth and The Life.
He spoke to me all at the same time saying "I Am coming back and you are to tell everyone you know to be ready."
When I had finally "recovered" from all of this, I looked around me thinking this must be meant to happen as part of the service, but to my surprise, the people there were just behaving quite "normally", completely unaware of what had just happened! Yet, to me, it felt like the whole universe had just witnessed what had happened.
Yes, Jesus did indeed, baptize me in His Holy Spirit, just as it is described in the Bible - THIS is life eternal.
And thus it was, that I became a child of God, a disciple of The Lord Jesus Christ.
Now, and only now, can I give you the answers to the 3 questions that had been bothering me.
1) "To know the TRUTH and what REALLY IS going on, on planet earth."
The TRUTH? Jesus IS The Truth - He tells us plainly in in John 14:6 - "I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE…"
What REALLY IS going on? A gigantic world-wide conspiracy
is deceiving and destroying practically every person on' the planet. Jesus knew this too, for He says in Revelation 12:9 & Matthew 24:24 "(satan)deceives the entire inhabited earth, including the very elect, if that were possible." and "The whole world lies in the spell of the evil one (satan)."
2) Who is Jesus? Balk at this if you will, but God came to me that night and His Name is Jesus Christ, which means "Yahweh Saves".
Isaiah 6:9 prophesies His coming to earth as an human being - "And His Name shall be Wonderful.... Everlasting Father..." "Emmanuel, God with us." (Isaiah 1:14)
3) WHO was it that spoke to me in my car accident?
Having read enough about human psychology to know, we humans can and often do set up certain experiences, sub-consciously in order to either punish ourselves or to learn something and in some cases do away with ourselves when life becomes too unbearable. In other words, it would appear, that we do tend to have a self-destructive element.
OK, all things considered, it is quite possible that, in the light of this, I could have actually sub-consciously willed this accident to happen. Even if I DID execute all of this (because I sure did want a way out - not a death wish, but certainly a way out), there was just no way imaginable that I could have determined the OUTCOME - whether I survived. or died. The "mini minor" that I was driving, collided head-on, at top speed, with a "Nissan Patrol" 4WD with a bull-bar on the front.
The "mini" then bounced, collided at the back, spun another 180 degrees and hit the front again, finally coming to rest facing the wrong direction. All that was recognizable of the "mini" was the driver's seat in which I was sitting!
In a brief moment of consciousness, I remember frantically checking myself for any sign of brain damage or spinal injuries but to my relief - there were none. I then lulled back into unconsciousness.
The ambulance soon came and before long I was in Royal Perth Hospital.
That day, my "mini" was towed away to be parked in the Police yard where it was placed beside a "Volkswagen Beetle".
The "Beetle" had only ONE dent in the driver's door and sadly, the driver of this car had died.
The "mini", totally unrecognizable and the driver of this - survived!
Dear friends, this is no fairy-tale, this is real life experience, of a real live human being, like you.
My question, and probably yours too. "Why?"
Why DOES one have the misfortune of being taken from this world under lesser circumstances, while another is spared to carry on? I mean, mothers die in the world every day of the week. Why should God spare THIS one at THIS time?
I think I know the answer now. Search me and you will find I have no brain damage and no spinal injuries but only physical scars that serve as a permanent reminder of God’s eternal Grace and Love!
3) I will forever praise His Name! It was Jesus Christ, The One spoken of in the Scriptures who spoke to me in in that little "mini minor", almost exactly 5 years before. Yes, it was Him who saved me - He is indeed the Saviour. Luke 2:11 tells us "This very day in David's town your Saviour was born - Christ the Lord."
"SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND"
In my naiive mind as a young Believer, I began searching for the right "church" in accordance with the Book of Revelation chapters 1 and 2 relating to the messages to the seven churches.
Aware that these messages were also meant spiritually, I thought that the "Philadelphia" church (church of brotherly love) sounded about the best.
This search took me all over the place, asking questions, going to various meetings and Bible studies etc.
Some insisted that I speak in tongues otherwise I am not saved!
Earlier others said to pray to Mary FIRST, still others said "you must go to church on the Sabbath.
Again, those of a DIFFERENT group STILL said "You must use the
name of Jehovah, love your neighbour as yourself, give all your money to the poor, nay, become rich and abundant, go here, go there, do this, do that, run, run, run...!!!
Scared, I thought, "No, better be a good little Christian and go back to my "original" church - at least they're pretty 'normal' there. But oh, the panic, oh, the fear that I had "blown it", and all the things I WASN'T DOING!
Then the evil one put his two-bob bit in. Talk about being "Blown about by every wind of doctrine"!
However... "Seek and ye shall find..."
Since, the Baptism of the Holy Spirit was SO sure and the Word of God tells us that "The Holy Spirit will guide you into all Truth", having also trusted The Lord with ALL I HAD in me, I simply had to keep going and TRUST further, that He would once again deliver me from my enemy - even if it was myself!
Some time went past and the dust began to settle once again as life almost returned to normal amidst the quaint little Baptist Church that we had been regularly attending as a family.
Come now. The last thing I attempt to do is deliberately and hastily criticize anyone who is trying to make the world a better place.
True to character, after joining this ladies group, I began to fly the banner high for this "wonderful" organisation that was aiming at bringing world peace via a world-wide network of ladies who organized a special global prayer meeting once a year.
"Oh, isn't this 'nice', I would think to myself as these ladies would all gather together around the table to pray and plan the next event.
There were Catholics, Presbyterians, Baptists, Anglicans, Uniting Church etc. etc. all finally putting their differences behind them in order to bring about the 'infinitely superior' aspect of "loving your neighbour" - peace.
Two or three years of this and the "niggle" in my belly became almost unbearable!
Something just did not add up! It all SOUNDED very nice, but between this and the involvement with the Baptist Church, I became so busy that the Voice of The Lord began to diminish amidst the static of what PEOPLE were trying to tell me!
Certain Scriptures began to "scream" at me also, putting me right off balance again.
For this and various other reasons, the decision had to be made. I simply HAD to depart from all forms of "organized" religion in order to once again, hear EXACTLY what The Lord was telling me, not man.
Due to spiritual stirrings, The Word of God, observations made regarding the world, professing religions and their various aims, reading of various literature and praying, the stunning horror which greeted me could have in no way predicted the outcome of that decision to leave organized religion.
I can only thank my God, The God of Abraham, of Isaac and
of Israel, for the indescribable Gift of His Son and all that it implies, that Jesus lives today. He lives, in the hearts (inner-most being) of His people, and NOT in Temples made by men's hands.
He reigns in power and in Truth, He is not simply a God Who came to earth 2,000 years ago and said what He said, but The living, dynamic Saviour of all mankind – He is The Way, The Truth and The Life.
I am still a simple woman testifying to the glory of God and via these writings, I urge you, one and all to "seek" with all your heart, the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, trusting Him alone - the One Who made you, for He promises :
"I Am (Yahweh)the Lord; there is no other God. I will give you the strength you need although you do not know Me. I do this so that everyone from one end of the world to the other may know that I Am (Yahweh) The Lord and there is no other." (Isaiah 45:7)
With Love, in Christ
Anna
A DROP OF THE OCEAN IS OF THE SAME
SUBSTANCE AS THE WHOLE OCEAN
